girl in the park

lamode · 08-04-2004, 05:04 AM

this is not my work, but i like it so i post it...

There's a girl in the park,
doesnt she know its dark.
She's sitting on her own,
though she never seems to moan.
There's a girl in the park,
doesnt she know its dark.
What if the fall falls,
or the sound of thunder calls.
There's a girl in the park,
doesnt she know its dark.
I know the girl in the park,
why she's sitting in the dark.
The girl in the park was me,
but nobody seems to see.

Stinkweed · 08-04-2004, 12:17 PM

Very good poem. Is it really about you? I mean, it says your a male, but the poems speaks about you being a female. Anyway, it's really good. Keep up the good work =D>.

i_hate_the_world47 · 08-04-2004, 05:33 PM

That was a good poem.

~Meagan~

lamode · 08-04-2004, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dead Eyes

Very good poem. Is it really about you? I mean, it says your a male, but the poems speaks about you being a female. Anyway, it's really good. Keep up the good work =D>.

no that is not my work, i already said that at first line of this post.

Stinkweed · 08-04-2004, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lamode

no that is not my work, i already said that at first line of this post.

I see... Whoops, my bad.

I've been very distracted... Sorry.

justdifferent · 08-09-2004, 12:24 AM

i think that's a crappy poem. no offense its just so i dont know i dont like it, but im not one to say something sucks with out giving advise on how to make it better. first of all because its so repetitive you should add some more couplets between the repeted phrases. and you can tell that you desperatly wanted it to rhyme ...just let it flow

you've got great potential

08-04-2004, 05:04 AM	#1
lamode Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: UK, born @ malaysia Age: 21 Posts: 31	girl in the park this is not my work, but i like it so i post it... There's a girl in the park, doesnt she know its dark. She's sitting on her own, though she never seems to moan. There's a girl in the park, doesnt she know its dark. What if the fall falls, or the sound of thunder calls. There's a girl in the park, doesnt she know its dark. I know the girl in the park, why she's sitting in the dark. The girl in the park was me, but nobody seems to see.

08-04-2004, 12:17 PM	#2
Stinkweed Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Some place other than where I wish I were... Gender: None Specified Age: 21 Posts: 2,667	Very good poem. Is it really about you? I mean, it says your a male, but the poems speaks about you being a female. Anyway, it's really good. Keep up the good work =D>. __________________ "You just change for the same..." -Ian Mackaye "Punk rock saved my life" -Dennes Boon (R.I.P.) "Have you ever seen lips that sing on a face that screams?" -Jesse Michaels

08-04-2004, 05:33 PM	#3
i_hate_the_world47 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Age: 19 Posts: 915	That was a good poem. ~Meagan~ __________________ Whatever it takes....i know i can make it through

08-09-2004, 12:24 AM	#6
justdifferent Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Age: 20 Posts: 10	i think that's a crappy poem. no offense its just so i dont know i dont like it, but im not one to say something sucks with out giving advise on how to make it better. first of all because its so repetitive you should add some more couplets between the repeted phrases. and you can tell that you desperatly wanted it to rhyme ...just let it flow you've got great potential __________________ no one can hear this silent cry a person full of laughs and smiles seemed always happy but meanwhile...this person slowly rotted away with no reason left, they disappeared one day