Jump to content

single guy who cheated with married woman?


GymSweetie

Recommended Posts

Hi,

I would like to know how a single guy who cheats with a married woman might think & feel. Let's say maybe you have some commitment issues & you don't think you can love b/c you're afraid all women are out to trap you forever. So, you decide a married woman is a safe bet b/c she is already taken and thereforeeee cannot possibly be a threat to your freedom, but then you, surprise! "accidentally" fall in love with her. I would like to know especially how you then feel about her husband, do you arbor anger, guilt or jealousy for him...ever think about her sleeping with him & would your pride not be bothered by knowing that the woman you love goes home to another man? Would you ever consider exposing the affair to your mutual friends or her husband & why?

Link to comment

If you were really affraid of commitment I dont see why you would only limit yourself to married women as long as you could keep the relationship casual there wouldnt be a problem. Guilt is less of an issue than what her husband would do if he found out. Married women cheat for specific reason typically because they are being neglected by their husband's and most of the time it is emotional. If you start an emotional relationship with a married women then the relationship will be volitile because all the passion that her husband isnt giving her she will be getting it from you. This has its good and bad points but usually the volitility becomes a problem. However if the relationship is purely sexual and resembles more a of booty call situation then it is more lucrative. However it is rare to have that happen. In the ideal situation it would be more about bangin than a relationship outside of the marriage. Like I said that situation is rare because over time one of the parties tends to develop feelings.

Link to comment

I was in a sim. situation but both of us were married. Our sit. was purely sexual though. We were getting close and he said it was because of our chemistry we had in bed. For me I had to back off because I felt my self wanting to see him more. So I do agree that eventually the man or the women start to get emotionally attached. Because how could you be so compatible one way and not the other, and we always want what we can't have right.

Link to comment

I did exactly the same thing. I am commitmentphobic and so by definition I tend to want unattainable men.

I started having an affair with a man who was already attached. The sex was great, so passionate and it wasn't long before I fell in love. The affair lasted about 18 months and it ruined me.

The thought of them together would make me sick, and I was constantly his second choice after his partner.

 

Do you want her to leave her partner? Do you want her to be with you? Is there any sign whatsoever that this will actually happen?

 

If you do love her and want to be with her and she is quite content to stay where she is then I think you need to get out of this. I know it's easier said than done, like I said, it took me 18 months, but you will feel better about yourself in the long run.

 

Sure it will hurt at first, but how long can you put up with being secondbest before it starts to affect your wellbeing. It certainly took away my selfconfidence and happiness. You may not realise it, but it will be affecting you. Dont you constantly feel like you're not really worthy of her? don't you feel like you are her dirty little secret? Not good enough to be her partner publicly? Don't you feel a little sad that she is hiding your relationship from the world? And doesn't it make you sick to your stomach to think that she is able to give all of these things to another man and not you.

I didn't take me all that long to start feeling all of this. I eventually found the courage in myself to stand up and say "I am too good to be anybodys second-best, I come first!!"

 

Because of learning how destructive it can be to my soul, it is something that I am so glad I got out of, and it is definitely something I will never do again. I will be somebody's first or nothing.

Link to comment

Only you can make the decisions for yourself, but listen to the voice of reason, please. I have cheated on a spouse and been cheated on by a spouse. I know many people who have done this. I have played this game both married and single, all many years ago, but nonetheless absolutely NONE of the relationships I was involved in, married, single, cheater or cheatee worked, NONE of them. It cost me time, which I can never get back, pain that has left me still wounded, money, that has set me back so far, I may never catch up. Was it worth it... NO Get away from her NOW... Not only did none of my relationships in these matters ever work, I don't know anyone's whose did. Like the song says, what's love got to do with it... believe me, absolutely nothing. Find a nice single lady and move on.

Link to comment

I can actually feel the Passion in many of the responses here....Powerful!

 

As a married man cheating with a married woman, I can only say that it is pretty impossible to just keep the relationship on a purely physical level...

 

I may have some feelings for this woman, but I could never and would never trust her. And I'm sure she feels the same about me. For example, if i saw her with another guy from work having a coffee or something, i would be thinking that she may be getting busy with this guy as well.....

 

You know something...I'm at work right now...Some other guy is talking to her right now, they're laughing.....having a grand ole time..........

 

Man am I a dumbazz.....I thought that cause I put my family on the line to be with her, that it would mean something to her....from what I am looking at now with her laughing with another guy, I was DEAD WRONG!

 

I think the poster who said that no good thing can come out of an affair hit the nail right on the head.

 

It's over for me! But it hurts! help me!

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

yes you are a dumbazz. so you think that just because a woman is talking and laughing with another guy that she must be sleeping with him! do you talk with other women, do you smile and maybe laugh. give me a break dude........................ your promblem is jealousy. AND just because a women cheats once doesn't mean she will continue cheating, maybe she doesn't have a sex life with her husband and just maybe its been like that for many years now. women cheat for a reason, men cheat for no reason or because they think with the wrong head!

Link to comment

It's funny....since I posted my post, I totally got my head on straight and dumped the married woman I was seeing so that I can try to better my own marriage.....Now, a few weeks after, I read your response to my post and I'm just sitting here laughing....at myself...

 

My point was that anyone who cheats can't be trusted..and that my friend is 100% fact. If they lie to their husband/wife..then they will totally lie to their Lover as well.....

 

Listen..spare me the BS about woman cheat for 'A Reason' and men 'cheat for no reason'...When it comes to cheating, both are equally guilty and cheating is cheating....no one gives a crap what her reasonn was for doing it....And there is no excuse for it.....I'm kicking myself in the head(Big head) everyday for being so stupid as to think I could find love in the arms of another woman when it was staring me in the face all the time from my family......

 

Enough said...peace!

Link to comment

well shawn,

maybe she cheated for a good reason and if you treat her right, maybe she wouldn't cheat again. it really all depends on the woman, some just cheat because they cheat and will never change. thats when you have to trust your instinct. i honestly believe that the majority of women cheat for a reason.

Link to comment

A prostitute has sex for money. A person who cheats on a significant other, is just that: a cheater. One is not necessarily worse than the other, but there is a difference.

 

Mike, your views are pretty extreme. Indeed, your emotions seem pretty extreme. I think this affair is taking a real toll on you. It's good you're getting out of it, I hope there are NOT nasty repercussions since she works with you. Eeeks. Note: oops, I had to edit my sentence, because I forgot to say NOT. Sorry!

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Dear List:

I was involved in something similar recently and can use some advice since I'm new to this situation and don't know what to do. I ran into a female friend who I hadn't seen in a very, very long time. She's now in her mid 30s, married, no children but we met one evening and spent four hours talking. We both opened up about a few feelings we had in the past, about recent setbacks, and about how happy we were to see each other. Since that meeting, we flirted in E-mails, she wrote that she is happily married, yet she also said she wanted to meet again. By now, I accepted that she's married, nothing would come of this, and I'd have a good friend. But when we met, we got mildly physical... nothing sexual... more like facing each other over a table with our foreheads touching, some hugging, maybe a few kisses. But the evening wasn't about trying to have sex: I told her I didn't want that. If anything, I should she should call me if she ever ever left her husband, that I'd be there, to which she replied, sweetly, "You promise?" We spoke the next day. She called me early to make sure I got home all right. And we spoke on the telephone and said, Everything's cool between us. But then, that night, she told me later, she told her husband a few harmless details about our night out (guys trying to hit on her whenever I left the table). She then told me she was thinking about how her and I had gotten a little physical but that, for now, she decided not to tell him; and that the fact that she isn't telling him doesn't change her love for him. I am completely confused. Has anyone been through something similar? Can you explain what might be happening here? Do I have any chance with this woman or is this par for the course?

Link to comment

Frank: Do you want a chance with this woman? Do you want her husband coming after you with a baseball bat and cracking your head open for destroying his marriage?....If your answer is Yes...then go for it!

 

I'm in a similar tangled mess myself brother...and if I could do it all over again, I'd Run Like Da Wind in the opposite direction.

 

Your choice though......

 

Trust me...if she were to leave her Husband for you, you will never be able to trust her....Ever....

Link to comment

Frank-- You might end up being the one Punished.

 

I'll chime in. I am going out with a great girl who is very giving, attractive but not stuck up about it, fun, energetic, etc.

 

She also had a live-in b/f that she owned a house with when we started mildly innocently flirting. She still had the b/f when we started hooking up in cars and I knew she was making excuses to him for where she was. She broke up with him but they still lived together for 9 months after that when we started dating.

 

I think she's the greatest person in many ways, and a possible time bomb. No matter what, I always will focus on having a good time and not much else, because there's no dividend in focusing on anything else: once a cheater always a cheater.

 

You have already been a bit of a conspirator with this girl against her husband. That's too far already.

 

Break contact other than as friends. She may pursue you but until she has dumped him, divorced him and then a year or two have passed, anything you have with her will be tainted.

Link to comment
  • 13 years later...
I'll give you a POV from the husband's perspective if you'd like.

 

My wife cheated with a single guy from Law School. Not only did he have to deal with me (although I was too much of a mess to go crazy on him) he had to deal with my crazy in laws threatening him.

 

Let me tell you something - this didn't phase him. Because he had nothing to lose. My wife? He claimed she was his soulmate. But so what, he loses her he goes on to the next girl.

 

But what I will tell you. Is that many times, while you have nothing to lose, you have something riding on your shoulders for the rest of your life.

 

This guy, yes with my wife, destroyed a family. Smashed it into pieces. And while he may go and move on with his miserable life, he has left a burning household behind that I as the husband am left to deal with.

 

this all depends ;D

 

imo she is responsible for the cheating alone. i am in this situation currently dating a married woman with kids. when i met her she didnt tell me (talked about ex husband), really got creative, pulled faboulous lines. it is just pure fresh "love or lust" going its way. i also had no intentions other than enjoying the moments.. which i do until now.

 

sure there are feelings, nope i dont want her for a relationship, also dont trust her much. but it is LIGHT ! and as long as its light we both like it and can profit

 

so yea reasons for me is i dont want a deep relationship right now, she is probably more sane in her head than other women i could deal with (doesnt cause trouble for me at least, except emotional talks ofc aint super easy), sex is great, i think when it ends she will never tell her hubby, have some months heartbreak, and then strengthen her marriage again. and i am pretty real about it and see it as a timed thingie (which goes on for 8 months now++)

 

i surely would prefer open relationship with communication but most ppl arent open for this/too stubborn. i wont talk about reasons why she does it

 

and yea is also a bit of a kick for me, unusual, first time for me, different woman i was dating before, also bad conscious was there before we really got into it! now its pretty ok i dont feel she cant handle it

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...