How can I rectify my mistake.

Carnatic · 07-21-2004, 09:00 AM

I've recently met a girl through a friend and we've been on a couple of informal dates. However she lives down at University and I am back home for the summer.

It seemed to be going well, even though I sometimes worried about things like, she only ever texted me if I texted her first. My mates just told me to stop worrying, after all when we first met she said I was good looking, funny, nice, genuine etc.

Then, I came down here for a week to move in to my house, also hoping to meet her, but she kept saying she couldn't meet me as she was having a very busy week. I texted her a fair bit (but don't think I went over the top) asking when she would be free as I wanted to take her out for a day.

Then, yesterday I bumped into her. She said she'd been meainng to talk to me, and said she thought I'd been too pushy, pressuring her into going out with me when she was stressed about other things. Then she said she had read my internet site after one of my mates pointed her mate in it's direction. I had written about her on it, nothing bad, only that I had met this girl I liked, and then once about how I was worried that girls only fell for bastards. She said she didn't like being written about in that way. She also seemed quite wary of me, keeping a few feet away from me as we walked and generally giving the impression that she wanted me to go away.

I know I've done wrong, have I completely blown it? Is it possible that despite what she said when we first met, she never really liked me? Is there any way I can make it up to her without seeming creepy or overbearing?

Miranona · 07-21-2004, 09:59 AM

If it seems like she wants you to go away, then go away...

I really dont think you were pressuring her, but it doesnt sound like shes too intrested. So I say, let things be, stop bothering her. People like it when someone is constantly attracted to them so when you show her thats shes not the only thing in your mind, itll drive her to worry whats going on.

cheers mate!

Beec · 07-21-2004, 01:36 PM

Well you chased her and then she read about herself on line. One, take down what you wrote. Two, stay away for now. Three, apologize when and if you get a chance, don't go looking for her to get a chance to do so. Four, learn a little bit more about both the characteristics of those people fall for; and seduction. Chasing is very anti-seductive behavior.

SandyD · 07-21-2004, 02:44 PM

I have to say that I totally agree with Beec.

I have a very dear male friend who goes absolutely nuts when he meets someone who is interested in him, meaning he will call this person to death, will make himself way too available, and expect the same intensity in return. The people he meets genuinely like him at first because he is an amazing guy (looks/personality/job), but in the end he ends up being dumped or worse, ignored without an explanation. It´s almost like he doesn´t believe in caller id. It´s creepy. It´s a real problem for him.

I´m not saying you are doing that, I´m just illustrating an extreme. Your situation was probably aggravated because of the website post. But I think you have to be patient sometimes and let the other person make a move after you have made yours.

Good luck and lots of patience!!!

07-21-2004, 09:00 AM	#1
Carnatic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: UK Age: 26 Posts: 578	How can I rectify my mistake. I've recently met a girl through a friend and we've been on a couple of informal dates. However she lives down at University and I am back home for the summer. It seemed to be going well, even though I sometimes worried about things like, she only ever texted me if I texted her first. My mates just told me to stop worrying, after all when we first met she said I was good looking, funny, nice, genuine etc. Then, I came down here for a week to move in to my house, also hoping to meet her, but she kept saying she couldn't meet me as she was having a very busy week. I texted her a fair bit (but don't think I went over the top) asking when she would be free as I wanted to take her out for a day. Then, yesterday I bumped into her. She said she'd been meainng to talk to me, and said she thought I'd been too pushy, pressuring her into going out with me when she was stressed about other things. Then she said she had read my internet site after one of my mates pointed her mate in it's direction. I had written about her on it, nothing bad, only that I had met this girl I liked, and then once about how I was worried that girls only fell for bastards. She said she didn't like being written about in that way. She also seemed quite wary of me, keeping a few feet away from me as we walked and generally giving the impression that she wanted me to go away. I know I've done wrong, have I completely blown it? Is it possible that despite what she said when we first met, she never really liked me? Is there any way I can make it up to her without seeming creepy or overbearing?

07-21-2004, 09:59 AM	#2
Miranona Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Mars Age: 24 Posts: 62	If it seems like she wants you to go away, then go away... I really dont think you were pressuring her, but it doesnt sound like shes too intrested. So I say, let things be, stop bothering her. People like it when someone is constantly attracted to them so when you show her thats shes not the only thing in your mind, itll drive her to worry whats going on. cheers mate! __________________ 'Forget what we're told, before we get too old'- snow patrol

07-21-2004, 01:36 PM	#3
Beec Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New York Posts: 7,556	Well you chased her and then she read about herself on line. One, take down what you wrote. Two, stay away for now. Three, apologize when and if you get a chance, don't go looking for her to get a chance to do so. Four, learn a little bit more about both the characteristics of those people fall for; and seduction. Chasing is very anti-seductive behavior.

07-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4
SandyD Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 150	I have to say that I totally agree with Beec. I have a very dear male friend who goes absolutely nuts when he meets someone who is interested in him, meaning he will call this person to death, will make himself way too available, and expect the same intensity in return. The people he meets genuinely like him at first because he is an amazing guy (looks/personality/job), but in the end he ends up being dumped or worse, ignored without an explanation. It´s almost like he doesn´t believe in caller id. It´s creepy. It´s a real problem for him. I´m not saying you are doing that, I´m just illustrating an extreme. Your situation was probably aggravated because of the website post. But I think you have to be patient sometimes and let the other person make a move after you have made yours. Good luck and lots of patience!!!