Consequences of Falling

sbojo32 · 07-20-2004, 11:42 PM

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just another opinion. Is there a stigma in society against telling someone how you feel, what you're looking for, and expecting them to do the same back? I get the impression there is.
I'll back up. I've been friends/hanging out in groups with this guy for the past two months. we've been talking a lot more lately and he asked me out last week. We had an AMAZING time on Saturday, quite possibly the best date I have ever been on. Did I tell him this? No. I didn't want him to freak out. Since then, he called yesterday and we chatted generally and I called him today and we chatted generally again.
I know I'm falling for him. And, I think he genuinely likes me as well. But we are both shy about it. we have both had relationships in the past that have caused the walls to come up and make getting involved again tough. Plus I've been in relationships for so long (as he has as well) I'm not sure how to start one. I don't know what to do. I know that I'm interested, I want to get to know him further, I want to go out again... but I don't know how to say it in a way that won't scare him off. I don't know what he's feeling or how to proceed. It's strange, because I'm not used to the beginning. I don't want to come on too strong, but I don't want things to go too fast or too slow either. *shrug* I know I didn't ask any questions, but any thoughts would be great.

Mun · 07-21-2004, 02:07 AM

Hi there,
I think that you should go on the date and just have a good time. Talk about yourself, the things you like, the last book you read, your job. Avoid talking about what you expect to happen after this date, that you want to get married one day and what color bridesmaids dresses you want for the wedding-you get the idea. ( unless he brings it up)
I don't think a man or a woman wants to get that much information or even that idea on the first few dates. Just have fun and be sweet.

If you had a good time on your date then tell him this at the end of the date. He will like knowing this. If you had a bad time-say nothing.

The problem with saying too much about what you expect for the future is that it will feel like pressure and then it will take all the fun out of getting to know each other. It might also make you look too desperate for a bf or a husband. So have fun

Scout · 07-21-2004, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by muneca

The problem with saying too much about what you expect for the future is that it will feel like pressure and then it will take all the fun out of getting to know each other. It might also make you look too desperate for a bf or a husband. So have fun

Exactly.

07-20-2004, 11:42 PM	#1
sbojo32 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 21	Consequences of Falling I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just another opinion. Is there a stigma in society against telling someone how you feel, what you're looking for, and expecting them to do the same back? I get the impression there is. I'll back up. I've been friends/hanging out in groups with this guy for the past two months. we've been talking a lot more lately and he asked me out last week. We had an AMAZING time on Saturday, quite possibly the best date I have ever been on. Did I tell him this? No. I didn't want him to freak out. Since then, he called yesterday and we chatted generally and I called him today and we chatted generally again. I know I'm falling for him. And, I think he genuinely likes me as well. But we are both shy about it. we have both had relationships in the past that have caused the walls to come up and make getting involved again tough. Plus I've been in relationships for so long (as he has as well) I'm not sure how to start one. I don't know what to do. I know that I'm interested, I want to get to know him further, I want to go out again... but I don't know how to say it in a way that won't scare him off. I don't know what he's feeling or how to proceed. It's strange, because I'm not used to the beginning. I don't want to come on too strong, but I don't want things to go too fast or too slow either. shrug I know I didn't ask any questions, but any thoughts would be great.

07-21-2004, 02:07 AM	#2
Mun Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Way down South! Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 4,194	Hi there, I think that you should go on the date and just have a good time. Talk about yourself, the things you like, the last book you read, your job. Avoid talking about what you expect to happen after this date, that you want to get married one day and what color bridesmaids dresses you want for the wedding-you get the idea. ( unless he brings it up) I don't think a man or a woman wants to get that much information or even that idea on the first few dates. Just have fun and be sweet. If you had a good time on your date then tell him this at the end of the date. He will like knowing this. If you had a bad time-say nothing. The problem with saying too much about what you expect for the future is that it will feel like pressure and then it will take all the fun out of getting to know each other. It might also make you look too desperate for a bf or a husband. So have fun __________________ Ecclesiastes 3:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven --------------------------------------------------------------------------------