Can A Person Really Feel That They Don't Deserve Happiness?

[Princess777]

Do you think that a person can really have self esteem so low that they can feel like they don't deserve a good partner who is faithful and truly loves them? I understand the comfort factor and feeling strange being in the company of someone who loves you when you're not used to that, but wouldn't that person like the feeling of being loved and really try to make it work, or do you think if someone has been on their own, emotionally, for so long they'll never get used to being loved? Has anyone experienced this from either side?
Thank you in advance.

[dazzedandconfused021]

yes, i really do that can effect a large amount because that is what happened to me and know when people tell me that they love me, i don't believe them. maybe he just needs to know that your there foor him so insted of saying "i love you" or somethign like that say "i just want to let you know tha im here, and i always will be"

sorry if i didnt help any

*love*
--kim--

[PunkPyro912]

yeah i agree...dont tell him you love him until hes gotten comfortable enough in the relationship, just tell him that you care abuot him and that youll always be there for him. After a while i bet hell get comfortable with you, and if he says that he doesnt deserve a nice caring girl like you then respond to that by syaing well i dont think i deservee a nice man like you or something to that affect...i hope it works out for you.

[tiger_lilies]

I have a close friend who suffers from depression amoungst a number of other serious health issues. We recently had a conversation where she said that she doesn't believe it when someone compliments her, even if the compliment is genuine. She doesn't believe people love her because she's so wrapped up her own lack of self confidence. She's had many tramatic experiences with her ex-boyfriends from mental abuse, physical abuse and her childhood sexual abuse.

She says she is not used to feeling loved and is uncomfortable with being the center of attention. She would perfer to be a fly on the wall and feels better when no one notices her. She has been emotionally on her own for a long time now. I don't think that she knows of any other way to live. She's lost all hope in living life. She's suicidal and I worry about her constantly.

I try to lead by example, but sometimes I think it backfires on me. I don't know how else to help her...she needs to help herself if she is going to get any better. She has professional help, but it's going to be a long recovery process.

[lcsa99]

Do you think that a person can really have self esteem so low that they can feel like they don't deserve a good partner who is faithful and truly loves them? I understand the comfort factor and feeling strange being in the company of someone who loves you when you're not used to that, but wouldn't that person like the feeling of being loved and really try to make it work, or do you think if someone has been on their own, emotionally, for so long they'll never get used to being loved? Has anyone experienced this from either side?
Thank you in advance.

Feelings like that can't be rationalized. Someone with self-esteem that low would want to be happy, want to have all the things that they see everyone else enjoying but just wouldn't be able to really feel they are worthy of it. It can be that they've been alone too long like you've mentioned, or it can be events from their past. Whatever it is, it makes it almost impossible for someone like that see anything in themselves that is good and deserving of those feelings.

It'll take time and a hell of a lot of patience to make someone like that see that they really are loved. That they really do deserve to be happy and can let go of their inhibitions enough to love the other person back.

[J_man]

i made a thread about a similar topic in the 'relationships' forum called 'feeling unlovable'. it may be moved to the emotions and feelings forum. anyhow, it might help you get one view on the topic, though not exactly the topic you asked about

edit: didn't realize the initial post in this thread was from 2004..

[vishmi]

..........I think I'm the same then.......out of all the replies that everyone has written I think that I might be a lot like that.....I have low self esteem and I'm very negative (almost every time)....I like to be alone and I don't believe it when anyone compliments me because it has to be a lie...many people say I'm ugly and all that and when someone actually says the opposite of it..I feel like slapping them across the face for lying to me....(I don't even know why I'm like this) and the reason I'm ugly is because I want to look ugly, so that no one notices me too much...but I still want a lot of friends who I can trust and who also like me just the same way....I want to be loved (I am...) and I want to actually feel it.....I don't like to be in crowds and I hate parties and hanging out with friends seems ridiculous but I still want to do all that...It's confusing and it frustrates me how some people hate me because they think I'm really strong and I'd kill them if I get angry (I won't do that unless I literally HAVE to) and it always feels as if my friends are only using me as a replacement when their friends aren't there....................I have absolutely no confidence in my self and I think I'm selfish because I only care about myself and I don't care about others............................................ ....

[TG1]

I have sometimes felt that way and on some weird level I still do feel that way

[clueless11]

Just to throw this out here. I have friend that felt this EXACT same way. She would cry and scream at her reflection and she hated herself and felt unlovable. Then she changed birth control and jumped leaps in recovery. The bc was depressing her and making it waaay worse

[Fudgie]

Before my depression got treated and even during times that it was being treated (but I was having issues with my medication and had to be taken off of it), I felt this way. It's horrible. I was single at the time (thankfully) but would often deprive myself of my favorite foods, social events, and even activities because I felt that I didn't deserve it and I was self-punishing. It's a sick cycle. Glad to be out of it.