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  1. #1
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    My boyfriend has a hard time reaching orgasm

    Hi,

    i dont know why any man would have this problem- my boyfriend loves sex, but takes a lot to get to orgasm...sometimes he doesn't come at all, or most of the times he just doesnt....i wonder if its related to masturbating too much, or not being able to trust women. If anyone knows anything about this, let me know! i would like to know what i can do about it....he does have some trust issues w/ his past girfriends who have cheated on him...maybe its a possibility, but i don't know. We've been together for 8 months and he has trouble saying I LOVE YOU's.

  2. #2
    Member JonnyG's Avatar
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    I don't see why u wouldnt think that any "man would have this problem"? Many girls struggle to climax during sex.

    Both m and f tend to find it easier to climax alone. Probably to the fact u know your body better than anyone else.

    Sometimes it can be difficult for the guy to cum from sex just like a lot of girls usually find it hard to orgasm from penetrative sex. Most find it easier to cum from oral sex (refering to females).

    Maybe u should ask him if theres anything special u could do for him, mayb he has some sort of fetishes. This will help him become more aroused.

    I really don't think u have have anything to worry about. Perhaps if your bf is struggling u should think about both masterbating him at the same time. He will know exactly how to get himself to finish, and with your touch as well it will help enchance the pleasure for him.

  3. #3
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    It could be due to masturbating too much.

    It feels like there is less sensation if you masturbate earlier in the day and then have sex.

    I think also a lot of it has to do with nervousness. It's a lot easier to orgasm when you are comfortable ( not worrying about am I doing this right, can I last long enough, etc)

  4. #4
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    Everyone else seems to answer the orgasm part of your question, but I'll address the "I Love You"'s.

    Those three little words mean a heck of a lot to people. There is so much strength and meaning behind them and they aren't to be taken lightly. I was dating my boyfriend for a month when I told him "I love you." but i only said it because i really do love him with everything i have, and i knew i had love for him. Even after I told my boyfriend I loved him, he still didn't say it until we were dating 2 or 3 months. It all takes time. Is it possible that he just doesn't know yet how he feels? Is he confused?

    If you think its his past girlfriends that are affecting his sex life now, have a talk with him. Let him know that you're nothing like them and you're not going to cheat on him. Let him know how much you love him and how much he means to you. Tell him you want him to enjoy sex to the maximum and you want him to be able to orgasm. Just have fun when having sex. Make sure he knows not to worry about whether or not he is going to cum, and make sure he's comfortable.

    If you want to try it, see how long he can go without masturbating. My boyfriend masturbates everyday, and when I went on vacation for 2 weeks I told him that if he didn't masturbate for the last week while I was gone that I would have something extra special for him when I get back. This made him extremely horny, and he waited until I came back to "blow his load." My point is, if he can resist masturbating and spend that time with you chances are he will be able to orgasm and love sex even more!

    I'm sure everything is going to be fine.
    -June4life

  5. #5
    Member JonnyG's Avatar
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    Yeah, sorry, didnt answer that part. When it comes to saying "I love u". I won't say it til I mean it. And i don't see that happening until im with a girl for at least 4 months+ and i still enjoy her company as much if not more than when i first met her. I just really want to mean it when I say it.

  6. #6
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    thanks so much for the reply! you guys are all right..i was doing some reading today about delayed ejaculation and research suggest that most men who have problems reaching an orgasm have some kind of mistrust in women (who have hurt them in the past) , or it could be from masturbating too much and getting used to it...

    also, just couple days ago i asked him how he feels about me..and he said that he's not in love with me ....i dont think that's completely true...if he wasn't we wouldn't have gone this far....i really think he has intimacy issues...i told him for the first time that i loved him, but he didn't say it back......but i was really hurt, i cried all nite...then in the morning, he said, " iam not going anywhere...i just need time".......so at least its a step towards getting closer....I will share with him the articles about "delayed ejaculation" and hopefully with words of love and support he'll start trusting me and opening up..

    Yes, and he did sound confused...sometimes he says he is not in love w/ me, sometimes he says i am not sure if you're the one..but he did say i am very important to him... He is afraid of being hurt...yes, i will try to tell him not to masturbate..or we masturbate together...thanks for the advice JonnyG..part of the problem is that we live far so we only see each other during the weekends.

  7. #7
    MyTwoCents4You's Avatar
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    When men are cheated on, the best reassurance (I find) is when you tell them that not every girl is the same. If a Golden Retriever with a purple colar bit you, does that mean all Golden Retrievers with a purple colar will bite you? No.
    Underline that there are girls who cheat and there are those who do not. You are one of those girls who does not.

  8. #8
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    ummm....

    Ok, I'm two women away from my first...but my first was a 2.5 year ordeal. lots of sex. Good sex, great sex, bad sex, but mostly good sex.

    I Love sex.

    I love the thrill of giving a girl an orgasm...

    And I have had issues before where my orgasm is an 'issue.'

    The issue though, wasn't really an issue for me, mind you, but for HER!! After a while, she'd start getting sore. Had I been more intune to it, I might have started using lube, just so she could go longer. Then again, after her first, she was usually satisfied; two was enough to completely fill her up, and three...well, that was just excessive! [though it was also the most explosive, in my mind...!]

    Luckily for both of us, she was really good at oral, so when she got to the point where she was "Done," she'd roll me over and give me head until I came. Oral WILL do it to me, every single time, even though it may take up to five or more minutes - and this is after pleasuring her for a good 10-15-20. I'm sure it was frustrating for her, to be two orgasms deep and I haven't had one yet, or when she was two deep getting me to my first and I'd give her a third via 69, but honestly, there was no greater feeling in the world than feeling her that fully sexually satisfied. Because for me, you hit me once, I'm ready to roll over and be fully asleep five minutes later...sometimes.

    In my case, I am highly desensitized to touch. YOU could try tickling me and only find my ticklish once out of 100 tries, and only if you snuck up on me first - and then only for five or ten seconds before I have myself back under control. Once I know it's you, I'm no longer ticklish. That also seemed to frustrate my ex, because she was super ticklish, and she knew not to play that game because it would have been HIGHLY unfair.

    There's another thing; if he's larger in size, then he's likely to be less sensitive. If he's cut, he's also less likely to be sensitive [even though I myself am uncut].

    You enjoy what you have...if you WANT him to finish, then you may have to learn how to give him a handjob, or straight up finish him orally. That last one is always a treat, no matter how many times it's done!!! Learn royal Treatment, that one is the BEST!!!

    If he's not sure about you, this could indeed be an issue for your relationship and it could be the root to everything. This one will have to be worked out if you stay together. It really will be best to work this out, sex or no sex. I will say it doesn't matter either way, though, if he's desensitized, then he's desensitized.

  9. #9

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    Sorry to hear about your BF's problem. I had the same problem that started many years ago about thirty five years. I was injured and disabled 15 years ago. When I was first married 40 years ago I didn't have a problem but as time moved on my problem progressed. My sex life was poor at best. Not that I didn't enjoy sex and not that I couldn't become aroused. The problem started out as I began loosing interest in sex. I could go for a month without any. As the years went by it only got worse. In 2000 I was injured and had to give up working. My wife and I would talk about my lack of interest all the time but to me it seemed normal. After I was hurt my sex life stopped altogether for fifteen years. We just didn't even try anymore. (I'm going to shorten this up) One day we both just decided to try to have sex and I have to say it was one of the best moments in our lives when we were finished. However my problem at this point was that again I could answer the call but I wasn't able to ejaculate. So for a while we tried everything including the prostate massage. (which is a good thing to try in your BF's situation) My wife tried everything we could think of and find on the net. Occasionally I did ejaculate but only after hours of work on my wife's part. After months of trying I finally asked my family doctor about my problem. He did a blood test and found that my testosterone level was barely existent. He started me on testosterone injections every two weeks which my wife gives to me at home. After a week or so I felt like a teenager again. At age sixty I was ready all the time. My suggestion is for your BF to see his family doctor and have a blood test done to check his testosterone level checked. Don't bother with these over the counter cures because they are more for someone that just wants a little lift. Good luck to you and your boy friend.

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