Gender Dysphoria? :(

[lost_relic]

I am a 19 year old male. I have had these feelings ever since I was about 7 years old. Try as I might, I can't seem to make them go away...

I want to be female. You wouldn't know it to look at me. Everyone thinks I am just a very normal happy guy.
But often, I look at women, and just wish...

I also have a girlfriend and we've been going out for about 6 months. I love her very much... but sometimes, I just see her and wish... :'(

I don't really know if I am just turned on by the different body parts, and want them because I find them attractive though... but SO many things not directly related to one's physical body entice me.

I am still living at home. My family is pretty screwed up. My dad collects junk. He won't throw anything away. He is often yelling at my mum or anyone that will go near him, but to the outside world, he is all friendly and smiles. My mum completely hates him, and often talks about killing herself, and wanting a new life, so I tend to spend my time in my room, as do my two male siblings. She hates all males and ALWAYS goes on how males are all useless. It's always been like that.
I have read that family/growing up situations like this often contribute to these "feelings". Sometimes they are very strong, and I often get sad because I know there is no way I can ever actually be a woman.

I know people might say "seek help"... but what am I supposed to do? I can't tell my parents, or my girlfriend, or anyone I know... they'll think I am some sick freak.
I have often thought about undergoing "that operation"... how good it would be... but then, realistically, I could never live like that. I'd lose ALL my friends and family... they'd all hate me and be disgusted by me. I could just never do it.

What should I do?
If I could make these feelings go away, I would... but they just WON'T

[Roasted Carrots]

Wow. Let me start off by saying I'm sorry your life is like that right now. and I hope it changes for the better!

I'm not a doctor or anything, but I think your initial feeling is true: your wanting to become a woman is directly tied to your family life. Help can be found in many, many places. Your mum, dad, girlfriend, and brothers might understand if you give them a chance. If you can't bring yourself to tell them, try talking to a member of your church or a trusted friend.

Also, try getting out of the house more often. Take your brothers on trips or hang out with your girlfriend. Just get out of that brooding atmosphere.

Just a thought: maybe you want to become a woman in order to escape your life right now.

I hope this post helped you, even it it was just a little. Keep us updated.

[wing wha]

well. this is a new one. i think that it isnt weird. but if you have a girl friend and kiss her and stuff. and then you turn female you will not be her boy friend. or girlfriend in that case. i cant picture you turning into something really different besides the body parts. i would really consider that. it s what god or who ever you believe in made you. alot of people disaprove of it. think about the pros and cons. i mean that means you will go out with men you know. unless and double wow and your lesbian.
i wouldnt do it because its like starting life over. everything you know is gone and its not genuine. do it for your girlfriend. and dont do it. talk to her about it. ask her what it is like to be a girl. talk to me see what s up

[lost_relic]

Thanks for the replies...
Yeah, I get out of the house often enough (I am a somewhat struggling IT university student )... it's when I am amongst all those people that it really hits home there is no way I could do that...
But then, I still wish

There are other factors which have contributed to it too... that no one else knows about... but I don't think anyone would really like me to describe what I am referring to

Also, I think part of it is identity related... I am not entirely sure who I am, or I am supposed to be.
For example, I seem to follow in the footsteps of my older brother (I am the middle sized bear )... he is 5 years older than me. Anything he likes, I seem to like too... he likes computers, I like computers. I am even doing the same course he did. I am not sure if it is BECAUSE he likes it, or because we simply like the same things. I tend to think it is the latter, but sometimes I don't know. He might say "Listen to this great new band I discovered" and I do... and I love them too. But do I like them because he does, or because we like the same things?
We even LOOK the same. We're the same height, same stature, and same weight!
(okay, our faces and hair/eye colours are different though).
Sometimes I wonder if I am just following in his footsteps... I don't mean to "copy" him like that :\
Sometimes I really do wonder what I'd be like if he was never there...
I really don't know... O_o

But it's true, I do really love my girlfriend... and finding out so much about her and being a woman, in some ways makes things worse... :\
And I am also partially afraid, because, I know that these feelings have been there for SO long, and that they still won't go away... I am afraid that one day I will just not be able to take it anymore. And I really don't want to hurt her like that...
It's true, when I am with her, all my worries go away...
But those feelings still do resurface. Sometimes something she might say will trigger them...

Sorry if I sound pretty crazy everyone... thanks for reading all this and helping me :')

[Darkblade]

I did a google search for "i want to be female" and this was the second (and first real) result. I also feel the same way, although I'm never going to have a girlfriend...
I wish someone made only of Soviet tank parts would burst in and attack my head for years with flaming, acidic, poisonous, spiked chains...
I'm so hollow......

[sinderella]

I am older and a happy transsexual. Hating myself for years and living in denial were part of my youth. I hid in relationships with women and never became aware of myself in relations to others until I dropped the facade and became who I have allways been. The insecurity I experienced in my youth practically vanished overnight!

Melody
feel free to pm me

[lost_relic]

Thanks for the replies everyone...
I am still not sure what's going on in my life.
If anything, the only person keeping me sane is my girlfriend. But still, sometimes we talk about things that do (and shouldn't) make me very sad and depressed because I am a guy, and can never experience those things the way girls do...
She doesn't know, and I am not going to talk to her about it.

I am going to wait and see how things develop. But I also know that the effects of female hormones decrease with time after male puberty... so ideally, the sooner, the better.

I am so confused

[Giggles]

interesting, good luck with that

[Lucky_Ducky]

What your saying is rather concerning, maybe you should talk to your Girlfriend about it or seek advice from others.

But if you were to choose that life you do realize that you're most likely going to loose her and most of your friends, as there are alot of people that have a problem with Transgenders.

Look, just think of it like this; you are who you are, that's the way god made you, be happy for who you are and except that!
Think of it like this, if you were born female there's NOWAY you'd ever have got your Girlfriend, you'd be intrested in Males.

I'm female, im happy with my current sex and there's nothing I'd change, I think you're NOT happy with yourself and by changing your sex you feel it's like revamping yourself and you can start life over with a fresh. I just hope you realize that by doing this you are going to loose almost EVERYTHING (including the ones you love; Girlfriend)

You say you love our Girlfriend dearly, exactly why is that; because she's female? Because you wish that you were infact her?
(I'm sorry if these guesses are wrong)
But exactly why do you want to be female?
What is that you don't have in yourself that makes you crave being female?

I think maybe it is related to your horrible home life, but I'd defiantly seek help, let's face it, what you're feeling isn't normal.

I think you just need to look at yourself in the mirror look at what's good in your life (even though it doesn't seem like much) and just remember you'd loose ALL that if you were to change and I VERY much doubt your life would improve as ALOT of people would view you as a freak.

Being Female has its ups and downs, it's not all that great, as I'm sure being male would have the same effect. Just remember you are who you are and that's the way god made you, when you look at yourself look at what's good, NOT bad and I'm sure in time you'll come to like who you are possibly even LOVE who are.

I hope this advice helped you, and I do hope everything works out for you

[jaiva]

I did some research on this subject last nite. I hope this website helps you. transgenderzone.com/library/st/fulltext/55.htm
Jaiva