How do you define happiness???? Quarterlife Crisis???

Hey,

I've been wrestling with this for awhile now ... my wife and partner for many years now says she's unhappy. She isn't sure why - she doesn't know if its me, if its her, or if it's something chemical. She can't point her finger on what exactly is causing her to be unhappy.

My question to you all - what is happy? Is happiness driving a nice car, living in a nice house, in the suburbs, with 2 kids, 1 dog, and 1 cat? I don't think that anything is so cut and dry, and for her to claim unhappiness is just unsettling to me. If you don't know why you are unhappy, you aren't sure what will make you happy, how do you go from here?

Lets say this isn't a depression thing at all ... just a quarterlife crisis, how did you all over come these fellings?

Please help - thanks.

Hi Guest123,

I think that happiness is the feeling that you get from within. It's not the material things that bring happiness. Sometimes I see migrant workers, who don't have much. They pretty much live in a life of slavery, but by the end of the day, they're happy. They're happy to see their wives, children, and family. Where I live, people are so 'fixated' on the material things in life. Yet, divorce rates are so high! Their attitude is, "What's in it for me?" They don't ever stop and realize: that when they're older, those material things don't matter much anymore! Sure, they might need the basic necessities to live a 'healthy life' for old age. But, is a Jaguar necessary? It's nice to have one. But a fortunate individual may have all of the 'richest' possessions in the world, and still be the most unhappiest person ever! That's why I don't understand glut/greediness. I don't understand all of those rich people who need more and more! It's as if they're private island in Micronesia isn't enough!

That's where I think that overdoing things, tends to deter people from the 'true' meaning of life. I think that everyone wants to feel happy, even if they're the biggest 'grouch.' Perhaps those bitter individuals have their own definition of 'happiness,' that's felt spiritually, from withiin. I like some of the people in where I live. Don't get me wrong, but for the most part, they're rich, greedy, pretentious, and what I see: Jaded! I don't understand why some of the some of the housewives down in my area, who would rather go out shopping than spending quality time with their husbands and children. They're value or meaning of happiness is about buying a Gucci or Prada bag, and being too concerned about getting their nails/pedicures done. It's as if they could care less about their family. I think that what's more important are those 'romantic' nights spent at home, over a candlelight dinner with your husband, or building a treehouse for your kids together, that bring on that true happiness. Life's about passion, doing things that spark up interest, thereforeeee, adds to happiness

My point is: Happiness is not found in material things. Material things bring 'temporary' happiness. It seems as if, when people obtain one thing, it's never enough. They keep on wanting more. Sure, it's nice to live comfortably. I think 'comfortable' is a 'necessary,' but there comes to a point where overdoing it, isn't. Comfortness to me, brings stability, which in turn, helps to assist us to ease all of the 'frustrations' in life: like paying bills and making sure that your kids live in a 'safe neighborhood,' and is surrounded with all of the 'best' potentials. I think that the focus on material necessity should be kept at a 'balance.' It's always important to remind ourselves that we should always keep things 'in balance,' rather than 'out of balance.' It's like an equilibrium. Too much of one thing, can be a bad thing. Too little of something, can also be a bad thing.

Now, in terms of 'personal happiness,' for me, it's the feeling that I get, when I do things that I feel as though it's rewarding. It could be things that I do for myself, or things that I do for others, which puts a smile to their face, and in return, puts a smile to my face. Happiness is about finding that 'inner peace,' that 'realization' of the little things that keep us happy and going. That's why some people admire movie stars. It's as if they're trained to do so. I admire those who 'struggle,' like those migrant workers. It's as if their lives are against the odds, but in the end, it's the little sentimental values that keep them happy: their family and themselves. That's why I look at them in 'admiration.' I think that they can be one of the most 'truly happin\est' folks. However, this is just in some of the cases. Not everyone who struggles are happy to be in the condition that they're in. Some people just accept it as a 'daily' way of life, and appreciate the small things that they have.

About your wife feeling depressed: it could be a case of 'dysthemia,' (not so sure of the spelling ). Which is a symptom known as 'light depression,' a chemical imbalance that some women goe through, in which they go through long periods of slight depression. It's not entirely depression, but once in a while, they'll feel a little down. Some women have more of a hormonal balance, thereforeeee, in their case, they probably don't run into the chances of enduring dysthemia.

I hope this helps. I truly think that happiness is felt within. We need material things here and there, like the basic necessities, but overdoing it, or having a lack of it, mgiht throw us in an imbalance. That's why we need that balance. Ultimately, that happiness that we feel, is about finding it within. It's not about projecting it on outwardly possessions. It's about living life, and knowing that you live for the best, and feeling that personal-fulfillment: grattitude! Thanks a bunch, for an intriguing topic!

Take Care,

Mahlina

To me, happiness is a sense of balance in your life based on the priorities you have chosen. If your wife is having a quarter-life crisis, it seems like she just may not know what is a priority to her at all...family, friends, career, which career path to choose? She may be having trouble finding something in her life that just makes her want to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes having so many choices in life is even harder than having none at all.

That's normal for most young adults just trying to figure out what their place in the world will be. Of course, all that pressure is compounded by a long series of media images that are designed to make you feel that what you have is not enough. It's easy in this day and age to feel pretty mediocre at anything you do. You may have a job, but is it the "right one," you may have a marriage, but is it anything like "Brad and Jen's," etc...

Stick by her, and she'll figure it out. You may have to be prepared to give her the psychic space to figure out what will give her life meaning. The quarter-life crisis is real and it's super hard.