Why won't he talk dirty to me?

Okay I've about had it with my boyfriend not talking dirty to me. I love to talk dirty and he says he doesn't like it. Okay he's the first guy I've ever met that doesn't like to talk dirty. I don't know what to do here. I think I'm just too much woman for him. Not to be nuts or anything but I do think about him sexually all the time and when I asked him how much he fantasizes about me he told me sometimes! What the hell is that? He is a guy and he should always think about having sex with me? When we first met we used to always have good sex and now our intimacy level has dropped to a 3. I don't know what to do anymore. We've been together for about 9 months and we always used to have good sex. He is just so preoccupied with school and stuff. I can't stand it. I went there last weekend to see him(he moved away to school but its only about an hour away) and I just wanted to have sex right when I walked in the door and I could tell that was the last thing on his mind. How can I get my guy to be more sexual?

About the talking dirty then that is him, there are lots of guys that don't want to talk dirty. You can't force him to if he don't want to. about the always wanting sex things. . Sex always slow downs a little when you have been together for a while. He has stress of school. He is trying to better himself for the future. If you really loved/cared about him you would understand. You should be surporting his schooling instead of fighting about sex, and adding more stress to him. You may even be making him want to have less sex because you are trying to push him to.

Hey Foolish

How is it?

Well personally I think that you should try to talk to your boyfriend about it! I mean from my experience a lot of people get shy dirty talking, and I think it also reflects on the way that he sees sex etc

You can talk to him about it, but as beloved2615 said DO NOT FORCE HIM TO DO IT!

Do you have trust issues maybe? Is that why you are a bit on edge?

If you want PM me!

Okay I so don't argue about sex. Most of the time I don't say anything at all. I know that he needs to do good in school and I am behind him 100% but we do need to have sex once in a while too. I really don't even think I pressure him at all. Any one else with some better advice?

Why don't you try surprizeing him with a private dinner for two with candlelight, taking a shower together, giving each other massages. Plan something that is romatic enough to turn him off from school and on to you. Try talking to him yes is a key facter. Ask him if there is some reason that he is not really in to having sex right now.

That is good that you are behind him and don't fight with him. Yes you are right that he should want sex sometime. Maybe you could agree on making one night a week all yours and plan something sweet each week and make it sex night. That way at least once every week you will get sex. Make one night with no stress, no fights no nothing but love, sex and more love. If he agrees on the night with you he can't make any excuses he knows when it is.

talk to him about it and how important it is to. be sure to procede at a pace that both of you are comfortable with. don't try to push him. but do encourage him. compliment him (genuinely) but don't over do it (might make him think you're trying to manipulate him). to me it sounds like he's kind of shy and a bit self conscious.

u know i have a religious friend that ended up dating a girl for a month, she was his first gf, and all they do is have sex, actually the girl turned out to be a nympho and all she want is to have sex 24/7, i bet that worn him out lol.. he broke up with her bec. thats all she wanted, and she never cared about his feelings.. now would u wanna end up like that if u only think of yourself? im sure u dont.. dont get me wrong, im not comparing this girl with u bec. idk ur whole situation, but from what u've stated.. i agree with everyone here, u should talk to him about your needs and understand his too, hes probably just stressing out, we all know guys are horny and loves to have sex, but there are also other guys who has other things to do, thats what u call responsibilities. just give him a break.. yeh surprise him a romantic dinner or something, and give him a back/neck rub

edit: ok i just read ur 2nd post hahah my bad, well yeh scratch the first nympho girl.. just read on to the ones in bold

It seems like I'm always reading about....guys that want to try different positions to make love & girls that will only do missionary....or girls that want oral sex & guys that wont do it to them.....or guys that want sex every night & girls that stall for 1 night a month.....or girls that want to hear him talk dirty & guys that wont do that. Unless you tell each other what you want sexually for a happy relationship you may find yourself shortchanged. The best thing is to find someone flexible & willing to try new things or change to please you. Some people are too selfish & don't care about others & their feelings.

My partner bought a set of loving-angles - sort of building blocks for adults. So What you might say.... well for us it was a fantastic boost for our sex life, got us talking and making great sex a priority again.

Maybe you should introduce something like this into your sex life... when you have a set of loving-angles conversation becomes unavoidable, because it becomes something central but easy to talk about.

Check it out and you might understand what I'm saying ... it's hard to describe properly.

im just going to answer the initial question of why he wont talk dirty, some men become insecure about what it is they are saying, the effects their having on there oartner and if what they are actually thinking and saying are something they are comfortable with let alone the other enjoying, some feel a little silly as this is not how they would normally be around you and often this speech does not come naturally. because of this, forced words dont often sound as good, to try and make someone better as they would see it, would be saying that they dont do well enough in arousing you.

thereforeeee not wanting to try.

thats just a few, hope it helps, kel

...When we first met we used to always have good sex and now our intimacy level has dropped to a 3. I don't know what to do anymore. We've been together for about 9 months and we always used to have good sex. He is just so preoccupied with school and stuff. I can't stand it. I went there last weekend to see him(he moved away to school but its only about an hour away) and I just wanted to have sex right when I walked in the door and I could tell that was the last thing on his mind. How can I get my guy to be more sexual?

You've been with this guy for 9 months and you used to have good sex, but now he's stressed out (and you can't stand it) so you don't have good sex anymore. Maybe you're being a little impatient with him? You haven't been seeing him for that long.

Funny thing is, if this post had been written by a guy (especially the last two sentences), you'd have lots more people replying to it and telling you you're being insensitive and that you should be thinking about your relationship as a whole rather than only the sex. I mean, do you care about the guy? or the sex?

Guys' sex drive can change when they're stressed out, just like women. Maybe next time you visit, don't visit his penis, visit HIM. He'll probably respond better to that and you might end up having that good sex you used to have! It's not that sex isn't an important part of the equation, it's just that the way you wrote sounded like you weren't very concerned about how he might feel, just only about the sex.

Okay he's the first guy I've ever met that doesn't like to talk dirty.

I do not like "talking dirty" myself. As someone else said earlier, there are in reality a lot of guys who do not like "talking dirty." Are you really just thinking about him sexually all of the time? Don't you think there's something wrong with that? Sure, a lot of guys want sex too, but a good portion of the relationship involves caring about each other and attending to each other's feelings. You two need to decide how to measure the balance between the relationship itself and sex. I can understand where he is coming from if you always just want to "talk dirty." Just think about it for a while. The romantic dinner suggestion seems like an excellent idea!

Okay Caldus, you kinda made me upset. I know you are trying to help me but I DON"T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THINKING ABOUT SEX! ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T GET IT VERY OFTEN LIKE ME. AND SO WHAT. I THINK ITS HEALTHY! Anyway, I'm cooled down now. I do like romantic dinners and we have tried but its hard when he's addicted to poker and he doesn't want to do things like he used to anymore. We used to have a lot of fun together all the time. With our friends, going places, it was fun. And he discovered poker and decided he didn't want to spend time with me literally and intimately. Its not fun being neglected, especially when things were so great the first 6 mos and and you were both sooo in love and did so much together. Again I appreciate your help though

I don't mean to say that it is bad to think about sex, but just not all the time...

If you feel that this is really starting to affect your relationship as a whole, then you may need to have a serious talk with him. Or you may need to find someone else...

Foolish, This problem sounds familier to me. To make a long story short- I was way less interested in sex than my fiance, it wasn't because I wasn't attracted to her- she is very beautiful. I would try to make myself have sex, but sometimes "things wouldn't work"... it turned into a vicious circle- the more I thought she wanted it, the more problems I had. Anyway- I finally went to the doctor and asked him. He said it was very uncommon for someone my age to have difficulty- did some tests and found that my testosterone levels were way low--- Normal range is 300-900... mine were consistently in the low 100's. He put me on testesterone replacement and it almost instantly boosted my interest in sex. Many things can cause low testosterone- stress, working nights, poor health/physical condition, losing a bunch of weight, etc.