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My friend says she slept with my husband but he denies it


ems

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I am having a really hard time with this. We had some friends over the other night and a lot of us ended up passing out and now my so called best friend (which is also married) is saying that she slept with my husband and my husband is completely denying it and I am so confused. A lot of what she is saying does not make sense to me anyway...

He is swearing up and down nothing happened... He told me he would take a lie dector test, or whatever I wanted because he has nothing to hide because he did not do anything wrong. He does not understand why she is saying this. But my thoughts are why would she make this up and lie and ruin two marriages and our friendship... HELP????

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Does your husband love you? If you can honestly say yes, then try to let it go. Only pursue it if you think it happens again. If it DID happen, then it will more than likely occur again. If not, then you won't see anything come of it.

 

Just take a deep breath, and don't stress out. You will make it through no matter what.

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Well thats the problem with a lot of alcohol, who knows what really happened? The truth probably lies somewhere in between everybodies stories.

 

Maybe your husband doesn't remember anything because he was too drunk. Or maybe your best friend has always fantacized about it and just believes it finally happened.

 

You are saying her story doesn't make any sense. Maybe she made a pass at your husband, he refused, and now she's retaliating?

 

Hard to tell what happened. But its possible you will never know the whole story. If you believe your husband and you have no reason to distrust him, let it go.

 

avman

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Well we have been married for four years and I have never had any reason to not trust him. We have went through our problems but we are the happiest now than we ever have been. I want to believe him but what she said to me is just bothering me. I cannot get it out of my head... But life is going to have to go on. One of the things that does not make any sense... She is saying they went into the Forrest over this hill and that is where it happened. I walked through some of th forrest yesterday but had to stop because there were thorns everywhere and I have marks all over my hands and he has none.... My husband drinks but always remembers what happens. She is the type to drink and drink until she does not remember anything.... She cannot even remember details she says they just went for a walk and went into the forrest and had sex and they did not talk about it before or anything, it just happened and they also did not discuss anything afterwards... It is all just so confusing!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It sounds like you have your proof. If you aren't sure, then let it go and wait for the next time around if it happens. Dwelling on the issue could only make it worse. If you are looking for ways that he COULD cheat on you, more than likely you will find a bunch of things that look suspicious, but this is the case with just about everyone. I agree with avman. Just let it go for now.

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I do understand all of you guys, but harder said than done to forget about it. I have talked to her spouse and he believes it completely!!! He said he knows it happened because why would she make this up and screw up her marriage, but my husband would lie because he does not want me to leave him!!! THe other spouse even told me that he is just covering his ass to save his family and he does not trust him at all...

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Yes, she just came out and told him at 8:00 in the morning the day after it happened.... But I just do not understand... Her story makes no sense.

My husband's sister was even in town visiting and she said she does not remember them going out front to go for a walk. She said she does not remember anything weird happening.... They they were in the back and we have a fenced in yard and her shoes were in the house the entire time. So how could you walk through the woods with no shoes...

Thanks everyone for all of the advice. I have never been in this situation before and it is freaking me out.

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ems,

 

From what you are describing it sounds like the events as your friend has related it are impossible. Also she can't recall any details and if she is so adamant that something sexual happened you would think she would remember SOMETHING about the details.

 

I'd say give your husband the benefit of the doubt on this one and give your friend a few weeks to cool off. This may not be a friendship worth having.

 

One thought that occurred to me is that your friend DOES want her marriage to end and this provided a convenient excuse to try and get her husband to leave her. I know its farfetched, but I've seen something like it before where one partner wanted the marriage to end but didn't want to be the one to initiate it.

 

avman

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We, including you, all doubt her story. But I understand it's hard for you to let it go. Try thinking about it this way: in the worst case scenario that he did sleep with her, but he was totally drunk, then did he REALLY sleep with her? Sure, there's the physical act, but he wasn't all there. I don't know if that helps you. Anyway, her story is highly suspicious. Don't fall into her trap.

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If it would ease your mind, and since he has already offered, I'd have him take the test - if only because it will lay your remaining doubts to rest. I've been this road myself - except I knew my husband had cheated - BUT the girl in question was spreading it to our mutual friends that he had tried to rape her, not that it was consensual. As with yours, the details made no sense - but she (the friend in question) did have other motives, she was unbalanced and very promiscuous and her newest love interest was a police officer who didn't approve of her loose behaviour. Despite that - I wanted to be absolutely sure before I even DISCUSSED what to do with my husband that the version of the story I was getting from him was the truth and not hers.

 

You can look at spending about 500-700 bucks for a thorough lie detector exam - you get to tell the examiner the basic questions you want answers to, narrow it down to the key ones - he will add in some others and some control questions. You won't be in the room while he's conducting it, though a mutual friend of mine and my husbands did sit in his. He wanted a neutral third party to witness it, and she agreed, though it wasn't necessary.

 

Honestly I was very glad I had it done - it took care of that little doubt remaining that just "maybe" he was lying - and that doubt was something I had decided I couldn't live with, I had to know one way or the other. I briefly toyed with suing her since it the rumors had made the round of the whole neighborhood - then decided no, not worth it, she'd get caught out eventually for something.

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