*CALL OR DONT CALL??**

DGirl · 03-22-2004, 07:41 PM

Hi all,

I have been here many times with the same story. I finally have something different to say!!

I've have been in the process of divorce for about 3 months now, but my husband was still living with me! After treating me like dirt the entire time, he "claims" he wants to change, he wants to work it out and was still living in my house.

Well on friday afternoon I heard a message from a girl on his cell phone. the message said "hi this ***** i had a question to ask you and also I bought you a present so if you want to hang out tonight i'll give it to you". When I confronted him about it he told me she was just a friend who he met in a bar. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! A friend???? I dont think so!! After I caught him with a singles add out on the internet, and after several other lies he has told me! I threw him out that night!!! I was ok with my decision. So as i'm packing up his stuff for him on sat morning, I find a box of condoms, which was supposed to be brand new, with one or two missing. Then I find a ripped up piece of paper written in his handwriting that i put back together and discovered that this was her credit card number. So when he came on sunday to pick up his stuff all sad and teary, I asked him about it and of course he just made something up!! He swears that it was a friend and he never cheated on me and bla bla bla!!!! I did feel horrible dont get me wrong, and i wanted so bad for this to work out, but I just cant do it anymore! I dont think this was a friend, i really dont. I know I should not believe him because all he does is lie!! But a part of me still wants to! I want to call him to see how he is doing, but a part of me doesn't cause I know it will mess me up in the head and I'm actually doing ok for right now!

So......should I call or wait a few days?? He was real upset and I do feel bad. Or should I just forget it cause obviously he didn't care about my feelings!!! I'm just to nice a person!!

**avman** · 03-22-2004, 07:44 PM

DGirl,

You are being WAY too nice about this. He dug his own grave on this one. Let him suffer the consequences. You worry about yourself right now. He should get his own support system in place to help him through things. He is no longer your responsibility.

avman

Mar · 03-22-2004, 07:59 PM

Avman is absolutely right. Of COURSE he's going to cry and have a pity party-he knows he's in the wrong and out in the cold, and is trying to play on your sympathies for a bit of security. I wouldn't believe a single thing he said about that woman being "just a friend." I certainly don't give out MY credit card number to my friends, no matter how close they are! Only one that gets that is my fiance.

So stick to your guns and don't weaken. It sounds like he's been taking you for a ride the whole way, and it's time for you to get off that train!

Mar

DGirl · 03-23-2004, 08:38 PM

I know you guys are so right! He has takes me for a ride for 10 years of my life and its so hard to say goodbye!

Now not to mention, I dont have his new address and the draft of our divorce papers just came in the mail. Now it looks like I have no choice but to contact him! What should I say though? Should I act like i'm ok or just be cold and ask for his address and thats it?? What do I do here??

lil_unique_me · 03-24-2004, 07:40 AM

whatever you do do not at as though you miss him that will only make him think that he has won the battle of the divorce.

Mar · 03-25-2004, 11:43 PM

Be confident when you contact him, above all. Don't show weakness, don't let him know that anything is awry in your life (even though you might be going to pieces), don't let on that this is affecting you. Be as strong as you can be, and simply ask for the pertinent information you need and get off the phone. If he brings up anything personal, simply say, "I can't discuss that right now, I'm sorry" and leave it at that. If he presses you, tell him you have to go, politely, and get off the phone.

This is YOUR time to rebuild yourself and find the person you want to be and the person you possibly want to be with in the future. Do I suggest dating now? No. You need time to yourself to heal. But any contact you have with him should remain businesslike and not stray to anything personal, hard as that'll be. But you'll be SO proud of yourself if you can stick to that!

Mar

03-22-2004, 07:41 PM	#1
DGirl Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 60	*CALL OR DONT CALL?? Hi all, I have been here many times with the same story. I finally have something different to say!! I've have been in the process of divorce for about 3 months now, but my husband was still living with me! After treating me like dirt the entire time, he "claims" he wants to change, he wants to work it out and was still living in my house. Well on friday afternoon I heard a message from a girl on his cell phone. the message said "hi this *** i had a question to ask you and also I bought you a present so if you want to hang out tonight i'll give it to you". When I confronted him about it he told me she was just a friend who he met in a bar. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! A friend???? I dont think so!! After I caught him with a singles add out on the internet, and after several other lies he has told me! I threw him out that night!!! I was ok with my decision. So as i'm packing up his stuff for him on sat morning, I find a box of condoms, which was supposed to be brand new, with one or two missing. Then I find a ripped up piece of paper written in his handwriting that i put back together and discovered that this was her credit card number. So when he came on sunday to pick up his stuff all sad and teary, I asked him about it and of course he just made something up!! He swears that it was a friend and he never cheated on me and bla bla bla!!!! I did feel horrible dont get me wrong, and i wanted so bad for this to work out, but I just cant do it anymore! I dont think this was a friend, i really dont. I know I should not believe him because all he does is lie!! But a part of me still wants to! I want to call him to see how he is doing, but a part of me doesn't cause I know it will mess me up in the head and I'm actually doing ok for right now! So......should I call or wait a few days?? He was real upset and I do feel bad. Or should I just forget it cause obviously he didn't care about my feelings!!! I'm just to nice a person!!

03-22-2004, 07:59 PM	#3
Mar Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Connecticut Age: 36 Posts: 881	Avman is absolutely right. Of COURSE he's going to cry and have a pity party-he knows he's in the wrong and out in the cold, and is trying to play on your sympathies for a bit of security. I wouldn't believe a single thing he said about that woman being "just a friend." I certainly don't give out MY credit card number to my friends, no matter how close they are! Only one that gets that is my fiance. So stick to your guns and don't weaken. It sounds like he's been taking you for a ride the whole way, and it's time for you to get off that train! Mar __________________ Beauty is only skin deep. LOOK DEEPER.

03-24-2004, 07:40 AM	#5
lil_unique_me Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: some where over the rainbow Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 320	battleground whatever you do do not at as though you miss him that will only make him think that he has won the battle of the divorce.

03-25-2004, 11:43 PM	#6
Mar Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Connecticut Age: 36 Posts: 881	Be confident when you contact him, above all. Don't show weakness, don't let him know that anything is awry in your life (even though you might be going to pieces), don't let on that this is affecting you. Be as strong as you can be, and simply ask for the pertinent information you need and get off the phone. If he brings up anything personal, simply say, "I can't discuss that right now, I'm sorry" and leave it at that. If he presses you, tell him you have to go, politely, and get off the phone. This is YOUR time to rebuild yourself and find the person you want to be and the person you possibly want to be with in the future. Do I suggest dating now? No. You need time to yourself to heal. But any contact you have with him should remain businesslike and not stray to anything personal, hard as that'll be. But you'll be SO proud of yourself if you can stick to that! Mar __________________ Beauty is only skin deep. LOOK DEEPER.

03-22-2004, 07:44 PM	#2
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,524	DGirl, You are being WAY too nice about this. He dug his own grave on this one. Let him suffer the consequences. You worry about yourself right now. He should get his own support system in place to help him through things. He is no longer your responsibility. avman

03-23-2004, 08:38 PM	#4
DGirl Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 60	I know you guys are so right! He has takes me for a ride for 10 years of my life and its so hard to say goodbye! Now not to mention, I dont have his new address and the draft of our divorce papers just came in the mail. Now it looks like I have no choice but to contact him! What should I say though? Should I act like i'm ok or just be cold and ask for his address and thats it?? What do I do here??