Need help in my moment of weakness. Should I do this

Hoping&praying · 03-22-2004, 11:54 AM

Okay here is the situation. . . Tomorrow we go to court for custody of our daughter. I want joint custody, my wife does not want me to have that for whatever her reasons....

What I was thinking of doing is inviting her over for dinner tonight so I can see her and my daughter. Which is my true intentions because I miss them both. However, I am pretty sure based on past experiences that she will say no. Which will hurt, but I am prepared for that.

I guess my question to all of you is what do you think this will convey to her. Will she just be suspicious of my motives and think I am up to something, or will she understand that this is just out of my need to see my daughter?

Hope to get some quick responses because I would like to make this offer in the next hour or so...

Thanks in advance for the help.

abcd1234 · 03-22-2004, 12:02 PM

You must be in a difficult situation, but remember that everyone is here for you.

It really depends what kind of person she is, naturally it is hard for me to tell but if she is a suspicious kind of person the she will of course suspect something.
If she is an open mided person then i would say that she would accept the offer, if only to get a chance to discuss things with you before you go to court.

Whatever kind of person she is im sure that she will understand why you want to see your daughter, you obviously love her a lot. I hope that your offer is accepted but remember that if it is declined im sure she has her own reasons.

I hope all goes well for you.

abcd1234

DiglyD · 03-22-2004, 02:20 PM

BE careful about inviting her for dinner. Just like the Miranda Warning says when the cops arrest someone, "Anything you say can and will be, used against you in a court of Law". Don't put yourslef in a situation where you will say things to your wife becasue you miss her and your daughter, because you are emotional and she will use those things against you tomorrow. ALso the judge might question why you were seeing her anyway, and who knows what your wife will say.

it might make more sense to just keep her in the dark, so she can't prepare a defense ahead of time. Remember the system is in her favor alreday. Leave yourself some fighting power. You are showing weakness, and giving her a chance to make things worse. You might just sabotage your only chance of getting your daughter. She aparently already made her decision. Trying to change her mind last minute is not going to accomplish anything except make life more difficult for you. If you see her you will give her a chance to rebuttle anything you say because she will be prepared for it. YOU will tell her how you feel and she might just use it against you. Your gut feeling already tells you that she does not want you to have rights. Don't give her more ammunition.

It would make more sense to spend your evening preparing a game plan of how you are going to proceed tomorrow. You need a few hours to come up with alternative rebuttles, and possible reasons to justify your case. You, just like an attorney, need to prepare yourself and your defense. Its already to late to deal with your wife. The person you need to convince of anything is a judge not your wife. Maybe you should invite him for dinner. Stay home, and make a plan. Write it down on a piece of paper. It will help if you have it in front of you. What you need is some time with yourself so you can clear your mind and get prepared. Seeing your wife will just make you emotional, edgy, and restless. You might not sleep well, and tomorrow you will look like crap. How will that look in court? How in control of your life will you appear? Remember its all in the details. If you give anyone a reason to stereotype you they will. Don't give anyone reasons to prove your wife right, or to support her views. Plus it might make you feel worse when you hear her twist everything you said in her favor. After all you mentioned that your past communication experiences with her have not been positive. Don't put yourself in such a situation. It would be better to come prepared.

It would be wiser to think about what you are going to say tomorrow then piss away those hours pleading with your wife. She is already prepared. She might come over jsut to see what you have to say. No mater what she is still going ot show up to court tomorrow. All you are going to do is sabotage yourself by throwing away precious hours, and give her more reasons to strengthen her defense. Stay at home and make plans. Think about it? Before a battle does a general make plans or does he go to the enemy's camp and plead with the opposing general about how he dosen't want to fight? Whether you like it or not tomorrow a battle will take place and the court is the battlefield.

Dress sharp, act responsible, control your emotions, and show everyone why you should be a father. This is a time to show strength not weakness.

If you already made the offer then call her up and tell her that you need to cancel becasue of business.

Hoping&praying · 03-22-2004, 04:10 PM

Madcat,

Advice well taken and followed. I understand what you are saying and I appreciate it. It is what I needed to hear.

I do have a plan, I am still concerned though because like you say the system is already tilted in her favor. Its unfortunate but true.

Basically my wife is going to court to make me out to look like a drug addicted alcoholic who never has done anything for our daughter. She is saying this is her reasons for wanting a divorce...

I filled first even though I don't want a divorce at the advice of my lawyer. I have solid proof that she has been having an affair and my lawyer told me we should file first so that would be the reason listed for the divorce in the court papers.

Basically she is going to have to deny the affair under oath even though I have phone bills and emails that any sane person with common sense could see that she is having an affair. So hopefully the judge will think if she is lying about this she is probably lying about the rest of it too.. Thats my plan.. Hopefully my lawyer works the plan to perfection and the judge won't believe a word she says...

Wish me luck.. And again thanks for the advice.

03-22-2004, 11:54 AM	#1
Hoping&praying Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Michigan Age: 36 Posts: 414	Need help in my moment of weakness. Should I do this Okay here is the situation. . . Tomorrow we go to court for custody of our daughter. I want joint custody, my wife does not want me to have that for whatever her reasons.... What I was thinking of doing is inviting her over for dinner tonight so I can see her and my daughter. Which is my true intentions because I miss them both. However, I am pretty sure based on past experiences that she will say no. Which will hurt, but I am prepared for that. I guess my question to all of you is what do you think this will convey to her. Will she just be suspicious of my motives and think I am up to something, or will she understand that this is just out of my need to see my daughter? Hope to get some quick responses because I would like to make this offer in the next hour or so... Thanks in advance for the help. __________________ Hoping & Praying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe if we spent a little less time beholding we all would be a little happier.", Doogie Houser M.D.

03-22-2004, 12:02 PM	#2
abcd1234 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 1,188	You must be in a difficult situation, but remember that everyone is here for you. It really depends what kind of person she is, naturally it is hard for me to tell but if she is a suspicious kind of person the she will of course suspect something. If she is an open mided person then i would say that she would accept the offer, if only to get a chance to discuss things with you before you go to court. Whatever kind of person she is im sure that she will understand why you want to see your daughter, you obviously love her a lot. I hope that your offer is accepted but remember that if it is declined im sure she has her own reasons. I hope all goes well for you. abcd1234 __________________ You should have seen The curse that flew right by you Page of concrete Stained walks crutch in hobbled sway Autodafe

03-22-2004, 02:20 PM	#3
DiglyD Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Age: 35 Posts: 86	Be careful BE careful about inviting her for dinner. Just like the Miranda Warning says when the cops arrest someone, "Anything you say can and will be, used against you in a court of Law". Don't put yourslef in a situation where you will say things to your wife becasue you miss her and your daughter, because you are emotional and she will use those things against you tomorrow. ALso the judge might question why you were seeing her anyway, and who knows what your wife will say. it might make more sense to just keep her in the dark, so she can't prepare a defense ahead of time. Remember the system is in her favor alreday. Leave yourself some fighting power. You are showing weakness, and giving her a chance to make things worse. You might just sabotage your only chance of getting your daughter. She aparently already made her decision. Trying to change her mind last minute is not going to accomplish anything except make life more difficult for you. If you see her you will give her a chance to rebuttle anything you say because she will be prepared for it. YOU will tell her how you feel and she might just use it against you. Your gut feeling already tells you that she does not want you to have rights. Don't give her more ammunition. It would make more sense to spend your evening preparing a game plan of how you are going to proceed tomorrow. You need a few hours to come up with alternative rebuttles, and possible reasons to justify your case. You, just like an attorney, need to prepare yourself and your defense. Its already to late to deal with your wife. The person you need to convince of anything is a judge not your wife. Maybe you should invite him for dinner. Stay home, and make a plan. Write it down on a piece of paper. It will help if you have it in front of you. What you need is some time with yourself so you can clear your mind and get prepared. Seeing your wife will just make you emotional, edgy, and restless. You might not sleep well, and tomorrow you will look like crap. How will that look in court? How in control of your life will you appear? Remember its all in the details. If you give anyone a reason to stereotype you they will. Don't give anyone reasons to prove your wife right, or to support her views. Plus it might make you feel worse when you hear her twist everything you said in her favor. After all you mentioned that your past communication experiences with her have not been positive. Don't put yourself in such a situation. It would be better to come prepared. It would be wiser to think about what you are going to say tomorrow then piss away those hours pleading with your wife. She is already prepared. She might come over jsut to see what you have to say. No mater what she is still going ot show up to court tomorrow. All you are going to do is sabotage yourself by throwing away precious hours, and give her more reasons to strengthen her defense. Stay at home and make plans. Think about it? Before a battle does a general make plans or does he go to the enemy's camp and plead with the opposing general about how he dosen't want to fight? Whether you like it or not tomorrow a battle will take place and the court is the battlefield. Dress sharp, act responsible, control your emotions, and show everyone why you should be a father. This is a time to show strength not weakness. If you already made the offer then call her up and tell her that you need to cancel becasue of business.

03-22-2004, 04:10 PM	#4
Hoping&praying Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Michigan Age: 36 Posts: 414	Madcat, Advice well taken and followed. I understand what you are saying and I appreciate it. It is what I needed to hear. I do have a plan, I am still concerned though because like you say the system is already tilted in her favor. Its unfortunate but true. Basically my wife is going to court to make me out to look like a drug addicted alcoholic who never has done anything for our daughter. She is saying this is her reasons for wanting a divorce... I filled first even though I don't want a divorce at the advice of my lawyer. I have solid proof that she has been having an affair and my lawyer told me we should file first so that would be the reason listed for the divorce in the court papers. Basically she is going to have to deny the affair under oath even though I have phone bills and emails that any sane person with common sense could see that she is having an affair. So hopefully the judge will think if she is lying about this she is probably lying about the rest of it too.. Thats my plan.. Hopefully my lawyer works the plan to perfection and the judge won't believe a word she says... Wish me luck.. And again thanks for the advice. __________________ Hoping & Praying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe if we spent a little less time beholding we all would be a little happier.", Doogie Houser M.D.