Does it ever really work out?

drifter · 03-21-2004, 01:17 PM

Quick story. Wife dumped me after 6 years together (married 1). It happend quick. She just moved out 3 days ago. I have not seen or talked to her in a week. We have plans to meet next week. We have a few loose ends to wrap up. She has a new place and everything is moved out. Everything. My question is do seperations from marriage ever work out to get back together? I would love to here some success stories. Like most on these forums I am very down. BTW our split was very amicable. No fighting.

**melrich** · 03-21-2004, 04:33 PM

Hi Drifter. In my experience (my own and observations of friends) is that these situations can end up with the two parties getting back together especially in the circumstances you describe. My observation is that if there are no obviously major issues in the relationship and the seperation happens very quickly, there is a good chance that there will be a reconciliation. I would advise you to honestly examine how the relationship was going in the lead up, did you suspect any unhappiness, were there any unresolved conflicts between the 2 of you, do you honestly believe your wife was in love with you. If you can find no hidden issue or strong reason for the seperation to occur you may find your partner has made a spur of the moment decision which on reflection she may not be so sure about it. Then it's the same old advice, give her space and just be there when she needs you, don't try to force things. If you find a reason for her leaving then you have to work on that.

drifter · 03-22-2004, 04:08 AM

She does have reasons to feel the way she does. I just feel the reasons do not warrent ending us. The problems involve me AND her. She sees most of the problem as me and does not share burden of blame for the problem. Why would someone deciede to end it so quickley without trying. She even admits that she didn't realize the problem until it was to late for our relationship. She says she lost respect for me and does not like me anymore. I feel she is just reacting to a realization and has not given the problem time to cool down. I am getting help and doing everthing I can for my side of the problem. I also feel that I can't give up on us because that would be betraying our marriage. I know she is the one who made the choice to move out but I still feel I should not give up on us because this is a "worse" time in our marriage. Any help would be appreciated. I have applied the no contact rule. I am doing many new things to improve myself.

**melrich** · 03-23-2004, 07:06 PM

You don't say what the problem is so it is difficult to make a judgement about the seriousness of it. Remember people have different perspectives on things, what may not seem so serious to you may be a huge issue for her. You rightly say that the problem is not all yours, there are always two sides to any issue, you have to put yourself in her shoes and examine the problem from her point of view and try to see why it is such a big issue for her. Of course she may just be using this problem as an excuse, it happens and is entirely possible that she may have simply fallen out of love with you, feelings are not always forever. Good luck with it all.

03-21-2004, 01:17 PM	#1
drifter Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 11	Does it ever really work out? Quick story. Wife dumped me after 6 years together (married 1). It happend quick. She just moved out 3 days ago. I have not seen or talked to her in a week. We have plans to meet next week. We have a few loose ends to wrap up. She has a new place and everything is moved out. Everything. My question is do seperations from marriage ever work out to get back together? I would love to here some success stories. Like most on these forums I am very down. BTW our split was very amicable. No fighting.

03-22-2004, 04:08 AM	#3
drifter Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 11	There are reasons She does have reasons to feel the way she does. I just feel the reasons do not warrent ending us. The problems involve me AND her. She sees most of the problem as me and does not share burden of blame for the problem. Why would someone deciede to end it so quickley without trying. She even admits that she didn't realize the problem until it was to late for our relationship. She says she lost respect for me and does not like me anymore. I feel she is just reacting to a realization and has not given the problem time to cool down. I am getting help and doing everthing I can for my side of the problem. I also feel that I can't give up on us because that would be betraying our marriage. I know she is the one who made the choice to move out but I still feel I should not give up on us because this is a "worse" time in our marriage. Any help would be appreciated. I have applied the no contact rule. I am doing many new things to improve myself.

03-21-2004, 04:33 PM	#2
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	Hi Drifter. In my experience (my own and observations of friends) is that these situations can end up with the two parties getting back together especially in the circumstances you describe. My observation is that if there are no obviously major issues in the relationship and the seperation happens very quickly, there is a good chance that there will be a reconciliation. I would advise you to honestly examine how the relationship was going in the lead up, did you suspect any unhappiness, were there any unresolved conflicts between the 2 of you, do you honestly believe your wife was in love with you. If you can find no hidden issue or strong reason for the seperation to occur you may find your partner has made a spur of the moment decision which on reflection she may not be so sure about it. Then it's the same old advice, give her space and just be there when she needs you, don't try to force things. If you find a reason for her leaving then you have to work on that.

03-23-2004, 07:06 PM	#4
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	You don't say what the problem is so it is difficult to make a judgement about the seriousness of it. Remember people have different perspectives on things, what may not seem so serious to you may be a huge issue for her. You rightly say that the problem is not all yours, there are always two sides to any issue, you have to put yourself in her shoes and examine the problem from her point of view and try to see why it is such a big issue for her. Of course she may just be using this problem as an excuse, it happens and is entirely possible that she may have simply fallen out of love with you, feelings are not always forever. Good luck with it all.