Recently I learned that my husband was having an "emotional affair" with a girl he works with. He acknowledges that they have an close friendship, that she is in fact his best friend, but he does not describe it or feels that it is an emotional affair. He did not volunteer the information about this friendship. He had mentioned her a lot, and one time asked if I would mind if he saw a movie with her - just her. I told him that it made me feel very uncomfortable, that I would prefer that he went to the movie with a group of people. That I felt it was like a date if it was just the two of him. I made it very clear I was uncomfortable with that thought. He told me he would see the movie with a group, but later I found out that he went out, just the two of them. He lied to me. That really hurt me, made me feel as though there was more to the friendship that he was telling me. As result, I started snooping. I'm not proud of myself for this, but I felt that he wasn't be truthful with me. He told me that this girl was moving out of state to be with her family. I was relieved, but I still felt as though something was wrong. I eventually found a letter that he wrote to her, a letter that she wrote back to him, and a poem that he had written about her leaving. These items were locked in a cabinet in his game room. He had typed the letter to her and saved it on a disk, not on the computer that we use, and hid it where I would not see it.
Although his letter does not hint at a sexual relationship, it does express a friendship that I feel has crosses the line. He says that he could die from the pain of her leaving, but is not that lucky. He says that he will never forget her face, that this is a chapter in his life he could look back on with no regrets . . . that she is what life is about. He also mentions that he is glad that they have agreed to be eachother's backups (like on Friends - if anything was to happen and he was single, they would marry). In his poem, he says that he misses her already, misses her the moment she leaves. He says that he knows he has to move forward, but he cant see his future, he refuses to see his future since she won't be in it.
Before I confronted him with what I found, I asked how he felt about her leaving. He acted nonchalant, like he would miss her but it was no big deal. When he used to lie, I could tell. Now he has gotten so good at it. I told him I found the letters. He told me that they didn't mean anything, that she was just a friend that he could talk to about his problems. He felt that he couldn't talk to me, that I ignore him. That I cut him off when he speaks or just don't seem interested. (He doesn't seem to take in consideration that I work full time and take care of our two boys, with little help from him) He was angry that I snooped through his stuff. That I didn't have the right, that I was sneaky and underhanded. I asked if he was going to keep in contact with her. He is. They are going to continue to talk through email and phone. He says if he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat. He says he loves me and would not let this friendship progress to another level. He doesn't think I should ask him to stop seeing her or contacting me. That he doesn't want me to restrict him.
This is killing me inside. He thinks because there was no sexual acts, that he has done nothing wrong. Am I making to big of a deal about this? Please help. I need some advise.