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  1. #1
    Member
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    Jan 2004
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    Australia
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    30
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    He ignores me all the time, what should i do?

    Hi everyone,
    im a 19 yr old girl, who really needs some advice about my relationship problem. i have a boyfriend, he is still 16, going on 17 this march. I dont know if it's because he is younger than me or what that he acts this way.

    anyway, we've been going out for a few months now, but all these times i feel as though i'm always the one who put the effort to make this relationship going. He simply doesnt bother calling me, or message me to know how i am. sometimes, when he text me, he asks how i am, but when i reply, he doesnt reply back. He doenst go to school anymore, he left when he was in grade 10, and now he's working full time. I must admit that his job is not an easy one, it's very physical. and that i understand that he must feel utterly tired by the time he arrives home. He doesnt work on the weekend, so i thought we could spend the weekend together, not during the weekdays.

    But he always goes for drink with his friends on friday night, and comes home in the morning. So he spends all day saturday sleeping...and sunday too. he just doesnt spend it with me.

    few times i tried to remind him that it's important to keep the communication going, if we dont have time to talk on the phone, at least we can talk when we meet. He never changed. Until one day i was so fed up with him, i told him that if he's not willing to change, we'd rather break up. He begged me to stay, so i did. But this thing is always repeated. I am so tired, i dont know what to do to make him open up himself to me.

    I feel he really loves me when we see each other, but i always know that the feeling would never last too long. i know he would simply ignore me after we both go back to our own separate home.

    He is also never on time whenever we set a time to meet up. it's always at least 1/2 hour late. it makes me feel he doesnt appreciate me.

    I know you all think that i'm wasting my time with this guy, but one thing that kept me hanging on him, is because before christmas he gave me a necklace, he told me that it was belong to his great grandma, she gave it to him when she was alive, to be given to his someone special. this present was actually a surprise present from him. He ignored me for a week before he gave it to me. That's why even though he's ignoring me for a bit more than a week now, i'm still hoping that something good should happen later. But, at the ssame time, i wonder if i'm wrong too. What if he is simply repeating his behaviour?

    Ususally when he ignores me, i always find a way to get him talk to me again. it can be texting him (asking how he is, or telling him what i've been doing), or i go to his workplace during the weekdays to give him nicotine patches to help him quit smoking, or i give him my cooking for his lunch. i make his favourite cookies and cakes, so he would be happy then he always make an effort to tet me after he finishes work. that's why i love giving him stuff like that.

    But this week, i'm just too tired (at heart), i dont want to make anymore effort to contact him, or do anything that i would normally do. I've come to a point where i just wanna leave it all up to him. If he wants this to work, it is his turn to contact me. not me all the time. i deleted his number from my phone, to stop me trying to call him again. i also haven't been giving him things at his workplace.

    I dont know what else to do, i feel hurt, feeling like he never loves me, and i dont know where this relationship is going. are we still together, or have we broken up (unofficially)? he told me once that i should never worried by wondering if he still loves me. IF he doesnt love me anymore and he wants to break up, he would tell me, as he said he's not a coward. That's why i'm confused. He hasnt told me that he wants to break up, but he's acting this way. should i break up with him or should i give him another chance?

    most of my friends tell me to stay away from him. But it's hard. I kinda hope that one day he would eventually really show that he loves me. So far, he just shows it with words. not action. and i keep wondering if it's all because we're too bussy (his full time work, and me with uni), or something else.
    Please help, i dont know what to do. i'm afraid no body will love me. i feel so alone inside.

    thank you
    S- Girl

  2. #2
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Age
    36
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    6,876
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    Male
    I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes you feel like you're not getting anything back with all the effort you put into a relationship. I hurt myself in the past doing the same. In fact it was four months and I regret it but it was definitely a learning experience.

    It's a good idea you're keeping no contact with him. He sounds like a great guy but his lifestyle seem to be conflicting with the relationship. He also sounds pretty stressed from what you wrote. I'm sure he appreciates the things you do but it seems like he's really focusing on himself.

    I would give it some space. If he can realize what you've been feeling, he will start giving you back the same. And considering he's 16, he might still be in the learning process of serious relationships. I would take that in consideration since I did date someone who was 16 at the time turning 17, she was a very confused individual looking for direction in life.

    Good luck and keep us updated.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beec's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    New York
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    7,405
    He doesn't care enough to or know how to act in your relationship. Your continuing with him without him modifying his behavior is not teaching him anything. You need to set out rules and make him stick to them. Set out what you expect and make him deal with something because of his mistakes.

    Such as:

    You must be on time. Lateness is a sign of disrespect. If he doesn't show up on time or within fifteen minutes or call telling you he's late with an excuse (you need to allow for an excuse), don't go out with him.

    We will see each other over the weekend. If we do not, do not bother to call me during the week, or try to see me, or even think about sex with anything other than yourself.

    A renowned legal theorist concluded that the law is not what it says it is, the law is actually what people do. What does he do and what do you allow him to do. That is your current law. You need to change the law (what he does and is allowed to do) and there need to be consequences if he breaks the law.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    30
    Posts
    20

    i am now over it :)

    i'm totally over him. yay!
    S- Girl

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