She told me she had STD/HPV

msgsmsgs · 01-27-2004, 11:34 PM

I met a really great girl, at first she is putting up alot of roadblocks on our relationship.
Finally we had a long chat today, (we only got as far as kissing) and she told me she had HPV, an un-curable STD that is likely to remain for the rest of her life. She offered me to back out anytime. I didn't take the offer right there and she's so suprised but we moved our relationship to boyfriend-girlfriend level.

As long as I decide to marry this girl and not divorce her, it'll be fine. We can have (protected/unprotected) sex and makes babies and I'll just get the HPV.
BUT if I would ever wants to dump her, then I can't ever have sex with her! (She got it even she used condoms and shower right afterwardss)

If I back out RIGHT NOW, it won't be as tramatic for her!
And I will get a normal life........
The worst thing is she's a really sweet girl and I really love her!
She just got hit with a bad decision. Help! I honestly don't know what to do.......

all is flawed · 01-28-2004, 12:48 AM

it seems like a hard decision.......my first question would be how old are you? if you are 16 say, thinking of marriage at this early is very risky and i would reccomend it, if you are 25+ this is a different story. And after that, realize that some things are more important than sex. If you really do love her, stay with her untill you make that decision of marriage, and then you can decide on having sex or not...there are many other ways to physically please your significant other without having "actual" sex. but like i was saying, if you really do love her, i would personalyl reccomend to stick to her, and be as supportive as you can. good luck, hope it works out well =)

msgsmsgs · 01-28-2004, 06:20 AM

I'm 30. And she just turned 27.
Let's just say I know I won't be having virginal sex with her until I decide to marry her. Condoms are NOT effective in this case.
I'll be a keeper in her mind, but I'm having 2nd thoughts. I honestly didn't know what the disease is when she told me.
I comforted and supported her after she told me. (I'm the only other person who knows)

I believe she will be loyal after marriage, but my biggest concern is what if it didn't work out?
We had a lot in common, and we both liked what we found out about the other person.

In the past she had said "I don't deserve a great guy like you" I never understood until now.
She offered for my to back out anytime, but I was playing the hero/sweet guy and shrugged it off.

bridey · 02-08-2004, 03:19 PM

You need to do some research on the disease. There are different strains of it that can cause different complications. I recently have read more about it cause a friend of mine got irregular pap results and has to have further testing. At this point it is either cervical cancer or hopefully HPV. I read that 1 in 4 women have it and most people have been exposed to it and that it either was a mild strain that went away on its own or is in remission! What I read also said it rarely effects men as there are rarely physical traits and males can't be tested, that basically it effects the cervix, although, obviously men can spread it! I would check out WebMD and find out more. Possibly you could go with her to her Dr. who treats her for it and get more information directly related to her case. It is good that you are being responsible for your own health as well as the mental well being of your lady.

Take care and I wish you the best in figuring this all out!

01-27-2004, 11:34 PM	#1
msgsmsgs Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 26	She told me she had STD/HPV I met a really great girl, at first she is putting up alot of roadblocks on our relationship. Finally we had a long chat today, (we only got as far as kissing) and she told me she had HPV, an un-curable STD that is likely to remain for the rest of her life. She offered me to back out anytime. I didn't take the offer right there and she's so suprised but we moved our relationship to boyfriend-girlfriend level. As long as I decide to marry this girl and not divorce her, it'll be fine. We can have (protected/unprotected) sex and makes babies and I'll just get the HPV. BUT if I would ever wants to dump her, then I can't ever have sex with her! (She got it even she used condoms and shower right afterwardss) If I back out RIGHT NOW, it won't be as tramatic for her! And I will get a normal life........ The worst thing is she's a really sweet girl and I really love her! She just got hit with a bad decision. Help! I honestly don't know what to do.......

01-28-2004, 12:48 AM	#2
all is flawed Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: NY Age: 24 Posts: 22	it seems like a hard decision.......my first question would be how old are you? if you are 16 say, thinking of marriage at this early is very risky and i would reccomend it, if you are 25+ this is a different story. And after that, realize that some things are more important than sex. If you really do love her, stay with her untill you make that decision of marriage, and then you can decide on having sex or not...there are many other ways to physically please your significant other without having "actual" sex. but like i was saying, if you really do love her, i would personalyl reccomend to stick to her, and be as supportive as you can. good luck, hope it works out well =)

01-28-2004, 06:20 AM	#3
msgsmsgs Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 26	I'm 30. And she just turned 27. Let's just say I know I won't be having virginal sex with her until I decide to marry her. Condoms are NOT effective in this case. I'll be a keeper in her mind, but I'm having 2nd thoughts. I honestly didn't know what the disease is when she told me. I comforted and supported her after she told me. (I'm the only other person who knows) I believe she will be loyal after marriage, but my biggest concern is what if it didn't work out? We had a lot in common, and we both liked what we found out about the other person. In the past she had said "I don't deserve a great guy like you" I never understood until now. She offered for my to back out anytime, but I was playing the hero/sweet guy and shrugged it off.

02-08-2004, 03:19 PM	#4
bridey Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Age: 35 Posts: 43	You need to do some research on the disease. There are different strains of it that can cause different complications. I recently have read more about it cause a friend of mine got irregular pap results and has to have further testing. At this point it is either cervical cancer or hopefully HPV. I read that 1 in 4 women have it and most people have been exposed to it and that it either was a mild strain that went away on its own or is in remission! What I read also said it rarely effects men as there are rarely physical traits and males can't be tested, that basically it effects the cervix, although, obviously men can spread it! I would check out WebMD and find out more. Possibly you could go with her to her Dr. who treats her for it and get more information directly related to her case. It is good that you are being responsible for your own health as well as the mental well being of your lady. Take care and I wish you the best in figuring this all out!