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  1. #1
    Member
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    Apr 2003
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    Ga.
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    35
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    She broke up with me, why does she still care?

    Its been over 2 months since my gf broke up with me, it was her decision and I let it be. I did not beg or plead for her back, we only talked a couple of times after the breakup. It has been over 1 month since we've talked and I've been doing the no contact thing. See, this wasn't the first time we've broken up, it's actually the 3rd time she dumped me over 2 years. The other times we broke up, she would eventually initiate contact and even if we were both in a relationship with someone new, we somehow found ourselves back with eachother in the end. This time is no different, except when we broke up this time she claimed it was the last time. So now she is doing her own thing, has a new bf and I'm still doing the single life. Like last time, when things started going sour with the person she was seeing, she started calling me. Eventually they broke up and we got back together. Same thing before that, she would get lonely and want something familiar and comfortable, ME. Now that one month of no contact with her or any mutual friends and not knowing anything about my life has passed by, guess who calls out the blue? Her. She didn't bother to call me at all during the holidays, she was too busy with her new man. Of course I was not going to call her. So she calls and leaves me this voicemail, to be honest it sounded kind of like she was missing me or at least wondering about me. She sounded kind of nervous. She said she hopes to hear from me. I know from experience that if she is not happy with the new guy, she will call me. I mean if you are happy with someone, why would you call your ex? I did initially want to remain friends with her, but the pain was just too much. She knows what she did, why is she calling me? She is a very selfish person, so I think it is to make her feel better, she doesn't like it when people are angry at her. I have stepped back and can see that I am nothing but a doormat to her, a security blanket, someone to talk to and possibly fall back on when things start going wrong. That is what I was and that is what she thinks I still am. But this time is different, I can't call her back. No matter what the reason she is calling, I just can't. I still have feelings for her and will for awhile, I thought she was the "one". If I call her back, those feelings and all that hard work of trying to heal will go down the drain. I'm cutting the strings once and for all and I think she knows why, as much as I love her and would love to have her back, I know she will never be what I want in a partner. Who knows, maybe I'm over analyzing this and she is just being friendly. I can't be her friend, theres too much stuff I know what she did after the breakup, like a fling with a guy friend and stuff like that. I lost so much focus when I was with her it was like nothing else existed, which caused problems in my college and personal life. I'm regaining my happiness, independence and dignity and looking out for myself this time. I'm even interested in dating again. But part of me still misses her and wants to talk. Am I making the right decision by not calling her back and letting it go? Help!

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    21
    You are completely. I applaud they way you handled the situation. Text book way to handle a break up. Move on...You don't need someone who doesn't know what they want and calls you when things don't work out with others. Your not a doormat to be walked on. This is obviously a pattern with her and has zilch to do with you and what you have to offer to her. Let her really find out how special your relationship was with her and how well you treated her. She will eventaully regret it and at that point you will have already found someone else and be much happier. Mark my words. You deserve better.

    Keep your chin up and focus your energy on your education and career.

    Davis

  3. #3
    Member
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    Dec 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, Canada
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    37
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    Two months! Wow, good for you. You've been very strong on the no contact thing. I found it extremely hard my first month and now I'm talking to my b/f again. We're trying to talk and work things out slowly.

    If your ex already has a new b/f, then I think it's a bad idea to contact her. You shouldn't feel like a doormat to her. I'm sure she really cared for you at one point, but there's gotta be a reason for her to continuously break up with you, plus the whole flirting thing with your friend. To me, that means she might think that she can find someone more suited to her. Sorry, I don't mean to be mean.
    I'm going through a tough time right now with my b/f. He wants to be with me, but I'm finding myself holding back because I think deep down he is not the one I see myself marrying. This doens't mean that I don't love him. I love him with all my heart, but I also want to see what eles is out there for me. I'm guessing that's how your ex feels.

    It's always hard to break up with anyone, even if she was the one who broke up with you. I'm sure she probably still cares about you and still thinks about you and what your up to, but ultimatly she's with someone new.

    Hold your chin up, keep it together. It's already been two months for you, soon it'll be three months! Take care.

  4. #4
    Member
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    Oct 2003
    Location
    Wisconsin
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    Yes, you are making the right decision.

  5. #5
    Member Rainswept's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    Location
    Rhode Island
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    69
    I agree with Silent Lucidity

    It seems she doesn't like the idea of you moving on, and why not?...you have been her safety net for so long...She seems to like being on both sides of the fence..having her cake and eating it too..This seems like the elastic effect..theres so only much you can take..and besides this is not a healthy situation..shes seems to be a parasite that feeds off your unconditional love..only to return when your trying to move on...
    I must say this is a good move on your part, and I know how hard it is to do this....But when you do things that you don't wanna do, thats when you know how strong you truly are.....its time to end this..don't you think?
    just keep coming here, if you feel your going to give in..or if you just feel lonely
    Best of luck
    And sometimes I feel like I can't even remember...
    And sometimes tears fall like rain in late November

  6. #6
    Member
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    Apr 2003
    Location
    Ga.
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    35
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    151
    Its just strange that she called, because this week I was feeling much better than I had in the last few weeks. I was thinking about her less, I was weening myself off of being dependent on friends and family and this website for advice. I was just getting stronger and feeling like I might be able to move on completely. Then she calls. Its like she sensed I was moving on. What's even wierder is that I had a feeling she might call, like an intuition. So now I'm set back a bit, but with all the advice I've been given it has been unanimous not to call her back. Thanks again and keep the support coming, I might need it for the next few days.

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    14

    Don't give in.

    Listen, buddy...as I see it, it's not that she doesn't have feelings for you, and it's probably not that she means to hurt you (although I'm sure her ego is feeding off of the fact that you're willing to take her back over and over). Of course her latest phone call sounded sincere, because it probably was. I think you've just become "home base" to her, a heart she can always count on coming back to after her latest romantic adventure. This is not good for you. It's unfair and it's unkind. She may never understand how good you were for her, and she may never regret losing you. She is a selfish lady, and selfish people rarely take responsibility for their mistakes. Now is the time to cut her off forever. Be strong, buddy, and I'm pulling for you.
    Clearwater

  8. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Age
    30
    Posts
    41
    don't give up now! you were doing so good! listen to what everyone else is saying in here because what they are all saying is very very true!

    I myself, have been a doormat to my boyfriend many times. I guess i'm just a mirror image of you in some ways. He's broken up with me to date someone else, cheated on me, and basically just breaks up with me (twice) whenever it's convenient for him.

    We deserve better than that...really. No matter how much we love them or think that they are the one and stuff like that, we need to find others out there that are willing and wanting to treat us the same way we treat them. with equal love and respect.

    Obviously my bf doesn't have that otherwise he wouldn't be wish to be single and free sometimes and only miss me when he's "lonely." I've been with him for 4.5 years. After he cheated on me two years ago he told me that he's realized i'm "it" and everything. So the sucker that i am, i believe him, and took him back.. now look what happens ..two years later he's dumped me twice whenever he thinks i'm a burden to him. What kind of love is that really? How can you realize that the girl that you are with is "it" and then think that she's a burden to you and that you "wish" to be single sometime. what is that?

    I really admire how you can get over this two months. I've been broken up for a month now and I'm at this point where i really don't see where his love for me was and I don't think that he deserves the time and effort for me to sulk and mope over him.

    Stay strong because god konws i'm trying to.

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