My Ex is living with her boyfriend and my daughter......

concerneddad · 01-05-2004, 02:19 PM

I thought she had morals, but obviously not. I think its wrong for them to live together. We are only apart a year and officially divorced maybe 6 months. I think it was too soon to bring someone into my daughters life, but she is co-dependent and has to have someone around. Her whole family has a background of bad marriages and unwed kids being born. This was her 3rd marriage. Her sister and mother are on their 3rd,her uncle was married 3-4 times and she has 2 cousins who got pregnant as teenagers. Her living with this guy will only send bad messages to my daughter who is only 5 years old. But she does not see it.

She threatens to take me to court to pay more child support and I told her I would counter sue her as an unfit mother. MY daughter always tells me she wants to live with me more and only visit her mother, but her mother will not believe that or let it happen. We are both broke and cannot go to court, but there has to be something I can do to get my daughter full time based on the fact she is living an unmoral life right now. I am not religious, but it is still wrong to live together so soon when the kid is so young and mom and dad are barely apart for a year. we have been able to get along, but this has put me over the edge and I told her our daughter will end up getting pregnant as a teenager based on the family past and how she is living right now. Anyone know a good hitman????? hahahaha......seriously....do men have a leg to stand on as far as getting full custody. I know it costs serious money, which I do not have and usually money talks. But there has to be a way for me to get my daughter full time based on her mothers life style.

The Morrigan · 01-05-2004, 03:56 PM

Well, one thing to try is to go to legal aid - it's usually a section of the local social services office. They provide low cost (sliding scale) and no cost consultations and advice and legal counsel, and references to lawyers who work on scale.

As far as this making her an unfit mother - I doubt they'll consider her unfit JUST for this, unfortunately for you. However, that by NO means means all is lost - you don't generally have to prove the mother unfit in most states anymore for the father to gain primary physical custody, only that you are the better choice for your daughter to live with. Be prepared to have taken into FULL consideration the time you'd be with her, daycare and school options, and care over summer vacation options, as opposed to her current situation. Basically it'll come down to them deciding which place they figure is better for her benefit, and they'll take everything possible into consideration - so see about hitting up legal aid and finding out exactly what you'll need to have lined up to go through with filing for custody, and take it from there.

**avman** · 01-05-2004, 06:33 PM

Well it is unlikely a court would put any weight at all on her living with another person. The only exception to this is if that person abused her, or your daughter, or had a criminal record, or something to that effect. In fact, if they have a healthy relationship they might even view that in a POSITIVE light since that household had two people that loved and cared about her.

How old is your daughter? If she is old enough (say in her early teens) the court may consider her wishes when deciding custody. They don't HAVE to, but usually they do.

How about going to a mediation service with your ex? The cost is substantially less and perhaps the mediator can help both of you reach an agreement without a bitter, ugly court battle.

avman

Para_Pryncess · 01-05-2004, 06:40 PM

I'd only like to add to make sure to keep an eye on your ex with your daughter incase she decides to take off with her. Thats one way my dad lost his other daughters in a previous marriage. And if/when you go to court, your daughter saying she wants to be with you will need to be confirmed that it is from her and not her being asked or talking into giving you the answer that you want. The courts have changed some but for most they tend to lean towards the mother. I agree with Morrigan in finding legal aid and preparing yourself ahead of time for possible senerios the judge may consider. Good Luck to you.

01-05-2004, 02:19 PM	#1
concerneddad Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1	My Ex is living with her boyfriend and my daughter...... I thought she had morals, but obviously not. I think its wrong for them to live together. We are only apart a year and officially divorced maybe 6 months. I think it was too soon to bring someone into my daughters life, but she is co-dependent and has to have someone around. Her whole family has a background of bad marriages and unwed kids being born. This was her 3rd marriage. Her sister and mother are on their 3rd,her uncle was married 3-4 times and she has 2 cousins who got pregnant as teenagers. Her living with this guy will only send bad messages to my daughter who is only 5 years old. But she does not see it. She threatens to take me to court to pay more child support and I told her I would counter sue her as an unfit mother. MY daughter always tells me she wants to live with me more and only visit her mother, but her mother will not believe that or let it happen. We are both broke and cannot go to court, but there has to be something I can do to get my daughter full time based on the fact she is living an unmoral life right now. I am not religious, but it is still wrong to live together so soon when the kid is so young and mom and dad are barely apart for a year. we have been able to get along, but this has put me over the edge and I told her our daughter will end up getting pregnant as a teenager based on the family past and how she is living right now. Anyone know a good hitman????? hahahaha......seriously....do men have a leg to stand on as far as getting full custody. I know it costs serious money, which I do not have and usually money talks. But there has to be a way for me to get my daughter full time based on her mothers life style.

01-05-2004, 03:56 PM	#2
The Morrigan Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: The Blue Nowhere Age: 34 Posts: 907	Well, one thing to try is to go to legal aid - it's usually a section of the local social services office. They provide low cost (sliding scale) and no cost consultations and advice and legal counsel, and references to lawyers who work on scale. As far as this making her an unfit mother - I doubt they'll consider her unfit JUST for this, unfortunately for you. However, that by NO means means all is lost - you don't generally have to prove the mother unfit in most states anymore for the father to gain primary physical custody, only that you are the better choice for your daughter to live with. Be prepared to have taken into FULL consideration the time you'd be with her, daycare and school options, and care over summer vacation options, as opposed to her current situation. Basically it'll come down to them deciding which place they figure is better for her benefit, and they'll take everything possible into consideration - so see about hitting up legal aid and finding out exactly what you'll need to have lined up to go through with filing for custody, and take it from there. __________________ "A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water." ~Eleanor Roosevelt~

01-05-2004, 06:33 PM	#3
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,524	Well it is unlikely a court would put any weight at all on her living with another person. The only exception to this is if that person abused her, or your daughter, or had a criminal record, or something to that effect. In fact, if they have a healthy relationship they might even view that in a POSITIVE light since that household had two people that loved and cared about her. How old is your daughter? If she is old enough (say in her early teens) the court may consider her wishes when deciding custody. They don't HAVE to, but usually they do. How about going to a mediation service with your ex? The cost is substantially less and perhaps the mediator can help both of you reach an agreement without a bitter, ugly court battle. avman

01-05-2004, 06:40 PM	#4
Para_Pryncess Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: oHIo Age: 24 Posts: 24	I'd only like to add to make sure to keep an eye on your ex with your daughter incase she decides to take off with her. Thats one way my dad lost his other daughters in a previous marriage. And if/when you go to court, your daughter saying she wants to be with you will need to be confirmed that it is from her and not her being asked or talking into giving you the answer that you want. The courts have changed some but for most they tend to lean towards the mother. I agree with Morrigan in finding legal aid and preparing yourself ahead of time for possible senerios the judge may consider. Good Luck to you.