He's black, I'm arabic (muslim)

[jennicada]

So my bf of 5 months is black, I'm arabic, AND labelled muslim. However, we both consider ourselves atheist, I've been one for over 6 years now. I have confronted my parents then about my religious beliefs, and they did not want to hear it, it was forbidden that I believe something else. I'm falling head over heals for this guy, and I know my parents will NEVER approve of him. I lost my virginity to him, and I'm now feeling depressed as ever. I'm 21, he's 24, and I know I'm an adult and all, but if you understand Islam, you'll know that this sort of thing is 'forbidden'. In my P.O.V, I dont think it is. Has anyone had any success stories that have a similiar situation as mine?? (muslim arabic w/ non-muslim man??). I need words of wisdom

[Beec]

You may never change your parents minds. So, you may have to choose between them and your bf. I know of a couple who were cousins and married. The family of one of them refused to attend the wedding and still does not want to recognize them as married, after a few children and years of marriage. The couple basically went on without the support of that family. It's not a nice thing to do, but it happens. From your post, it eems unlikely that your parents will accept your bf. Are you ready to go without their support? You may have to, but that may also be your path to happiness.

I think you should keep your relationship out of your parents eyes until you determine you are ready to go out and face them and the world with your relationship. Be ready to be rejected when it happens, but also be ready to stick by your man and make sure you kow he will stick by you. After sometime, your parents may come around. But don't depend on that to happen.

[holeinmysoul33]

Beec,

You said all the things I was going to! It's a shame that some people can't accept all people and their beliefs. This is a tough racial and religious issue, and I can't say I've ever been in the same situation. I can't imagine how difficult of a decision it will be for you in the future, but if I were you, I would keep your relationship with your boyfriend, perhaps not a secret, but at least low-key. When you feel that your ready to make a real commitment to him, that might be the time to bring it up.

And I feel that parents are there to raise you until you can care for yourself. If your 21, you should be close if not at the point where you can care for yourself. Even if you married an arabic man, you'd still be pulling away from your parents soon, so you might as well be with a man that makes you happy. Honestly, your parents may never understand, and they may refuse to acknowledge your marriage, but I'd look at it as thats their problem. I know you love your parents alot, and its hard to change the beliefs that you've been raised with, but if your an athiest you shouldn't have too much trouble.

Good luck to you. And keep us posted if you do talk to your parents.

[Cid]

Like both of them said you are going to have to chose between you parints and your bf. I hope you do what makes you the happyest.

[Nianna]

Well I can totally relate, I am not islam and my fiance is not black, BUT
In my familly it is pretty much "forbiden"

I am an aboriginal(native) canadian and my fiance is white,
I have been with him for 3 1/2 years now and my grandmother still doesn't approve of it, she is hatefull and mean to him and I feel so bad, but you can only please your parents so much right?
I tried to make it work and bring them together but she just hates him,
and because I wanted to make my grandmother happy (whom I was raised by) I almost lost my fiance until one day I had enough and said to myself "I only have one life and I am gonna make it what I want"
So I went to my grandmother and told her basicly that she could do what she wants with her life and I am gonna do what I want with mine.
And if she respects me and my values then she would let it be, she of coarse didn't like that and got even worst, but after a while she came around and said she is willing to accept but it will take a long time.

My Fiance and I both have a heart that beats, eyes that can see, and we are both human there for we are the same, Nationalities has nothing to do with it.
Whether he was black blue purple or green there is no difference.
And if you love your man then you will do whatever it takes to be with.
Like I said it is your life and you are in control of it no one else.

I know you love your parents and all and respect them but they have to respect you as well, Don't throw it all away because of someone else you'll never be happy and will be in regret.
TRUST ME I have been there. :P [/b]

[MaxiumG]

Yeah, I have a similar problem. A girl at my work says she can't go out with me cause of her "Culture". Isn't it a shame how over all these years of humanity we still don't see ourselves as the same?

[ihopeicanhelp]

Ok, I don't know what to say more than may Allah guide you and help you with your problem.

I know it is very hard for you to fall in love and then get rejections, I’ve been through it.

I loved a beautiful girl and got rejected because of a silly cultural matter. Can you believe that? And we are not together now.

Good and bad happens, I just want to tell you try to make him understand your religion and maybe Allah will guide him to you and will make him conceder Islam and then your family will know that he is serious about you and he really wants you.

After all, changes and sacrifices should happen from both sides, you know!

You’re the girl and it's harder for you to change and lose your family because after all you will need then around you and next to you in the future, but as a male I think he would be able to take the pressure.

All the love stories we read talks about how the man does the imposable to be with his women, so I hope he will turn out to be the same.

If he really wants to be with you, he will do the impossible to be with you.

If he doesn't, then you will be able to know that he wasn't worth the loses.

Think and try to talk to him through it.

Finally, all what I want to say, God is forgiving and pray and he will listen to you and forgive you when ever your honest. Keep praying and read about it. PM if you need more guiding.

You’re not the only one with mistakes or a broken heart and still, there is a way back to happy life.

Be strong and wise.

IT’S ALWAYS HARD AT THE BEGINGING, BUT IT GETS BETTER AFTER A WHILE.

A Brother.

[valiantv]

you may have to choose between them {your parents} and your bf

I disagree! I think you have to choose between yourself and your parents! They may, as beec said, never accept it, but you are 21 now, you are an adult, i.e. fully capable of decision-making, just (or almost) as capable as them. It is your life, and you have to make yourself happy. They are the ones putting the pressure on, not your boyfriend or anyone else.

If you refuse to submit to your parents' wishes and go with your boyfriend, and they refuse to support you, it is them that's making that decision, and damaging the family, not you. You are all adults - equals - now, and they can't be forbidding you from doing things.

if you understand Islam, you'll know that this sort of thing is 'forbidden'

One of the great things about atheism is that stuff like that is never forbidden!

But enough militant talk, I know you want to do what makes everyone happy. And your bf might have to accept that your parents will never accept him and he should understand that. But your parents should also understand that you're a fully grown adult. They should love you regardless of the decision you make.

All I'm saying is that you shouldn't do anything bad for yourself because of whether other people will approve or not. Really they are the ones who should be on this forum... And they might get used to the idea anyway... and it might open their minds and it'll be a learning experience for all!

[Momene]

I was brought up Church of England and my wife's a Chilean Catholic (not so differrent, though). We've been together nearly 19 years and have a great daughter.

[-Ophelia-]

I think that losing your parents is not an easy thing. Parents are parents, even if you totally disagree with them, in most cases, they are just trying to protect you, not harm you. You must be sure that you are doing the right thing because you wouldn't want to have any regrets later.

From my experience, age changes people. I think that as you grow older, even if it was a year or two later, things will start changing and you will have different views regarding different subjects.

Keep the guy, but don't make the decision just now; you're still young and maybe you'll discover later that perhaps this was not what you want. I've seen a lot of friends go through that.

Take your time..