Please help me find a way to have an attractive personality

Oktane · 12-06-2003, 03:05 PM

When I was younger, I was just the biggest dork there ever was... I kept to myself, and was really quiet... Not many friends, no girls, ever... So I got used to it... I looked totally dorky, and when I look at old pictures, it drives me nuts. Around maybe 19-20, somehow I blossomed... I hate to say it, but I look good. And now at 22, probably look better than I ever have... But for some reason, I still have this complex... I know Im still kinda dorky... Im afraid of how girls react... Ive been on dates, and they never work, because I can't express myself in the way that I want to... I have some sort of problem to where it makes it hard for my real personality to come out in front of people... I can at bars, when Im drunk and singing karaoke, but other times it can be hard... It is hard, cause I see all these girls looking at me, but I get scared of rejection, and do nothing about it... and I have this friend, who has to be the best girl in the world, and she considers me one of her better friends... But because of a lack of personality, she never wants to be more than friends... I almost think that before I blossomed, I had more dates... I wasn't as self concient about things... I am at a point in my life where Im confused, and really don't know what to do with myself... I wish I could figure things out, but I don't know how... I wish I could fix it all!

swift44 · 12-06-2003, 03:33 PM

hey since u can get dates the u should just try to be yourself dont be nervous just think about what your gonna say before you say it
just dont worry about what they think
just say whats on your min if they dont like the real you they dont deserve you just try to calm down and think
hope it works out for you
best of luck to you.

routerx · 12-06-2003, 03:49 PM

You are taking your talents for granted. Other people see something in you that you don't see in yourself.

Spend more time focusing on other people and less on yourself. In other words, stop looking in the mirror because you won't find what you are looking for.

Spend your days giving complements, smiling, and helping people. The rest will take care of itself. When you care for others more than you care about how you appear, it all works out.

That's it.

ShadeOfGreen · 12-06-2003, 11:09 PM

You already have an attractive personality. You just have to find out how to let people know it. If it comes down to a matter of conversation or expression than just talk to people and speak up when you want to.

The amazing thing about people is how different we all are, and how no matter who you are, chances are there is someone somewhere who can relate to you. Let me tell you I am a pretty big dork myself. Yet, I have never let that get to me (well at least not since sophomore year of high school). For me its a matter of knowing who I am and being comfortable with that person. A lot of times it will be difficult to find out who that is, but you just need to say to yourself 'who am I? Who is the person I would like to be with? What is it that I love?'.

If you take a good look inside yourself you may be surprized who you find. When you know yourself, you should have an easier time expressing yourself.

Derek · 12-06-2003, 11:27 PM

People are often found attractive when they have interests of their own that they are pursuing with purpose. Being attractive is about being a whole person.

Have an opinion about stuff. Your own opinion. Have a direction you are going. It doesn't have to be perfect, but have something you are passionate about. (i.e. making mix CDs or sports or cars or whatever)
Decide that you don't care about a girlfriend for a few months and what they *might* think, you just be yourself with your own opinions without a care in the world. Smile slyly like you know what you are doing. ( faking confidence makes one feel more confident )

When girls see that you seem to know where you are going and what you are doing and they will want some of that action too.

Also, the a good way to be attractive is to spend the energy to pay attention, REALLY pay attention, to those around you, so that you notice and give feedback on the little things, then when they notice you've noticed, they will be impressed.

When I say little things, it's like the color of eyes (a good exercise is to always try to read the eye color of everyone, forces you to look in their eyes a while) , buckle on the shoes, belt, her laugh, the color of her umbrella, type of car she might have, interests, stuff/books/music she likes/dislikes and her NAME of course.

Then feed that stuff back to her in creative ways. ("I saw that your umbrella the other day was green, I thought you'd like this green scarf.") But don't be a stalker.

Yes, it takes work to remember, just repeat it over and over in your head until it sticks.

As others said, concentrate on the other people and worry less about yourself.

Cid · 12-07-2003, 06:49 AM

Just be your self and dont talk your self down. That is the key.

12-06-2003, 03:05 PM	#1
Oktane Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 5	Please help me find a way to have an attractive personality When I was younger, I was just the biggest dork there ever was... I kept to myself, and was really quiet... Not many friends, no girls, ever... So I got used to it... I looked totally dorky, and when I look at old pictures, it drives me nuts. Around maybe 19-20, somehow I blossomed... I hate to say it, but I look good. And now at 22, probably look better than I ever have... But for some reason, I still have this complex... I know Im still kinda dorky... Im afraid of how girls react... Ive been on dates, and they never work, because I can't express myself in the way that I want to... I have some sort of problem to where it makes it hard for my real personality to come out in front of people... I can at bars, when Im drunk and singing karaoke, but other times it can be hard... It is hard, cause I see all these girls looking at me, but I get scared of rejection, and do nothing about it... and I have this friend, who has to be the best girl in the world, and she considers me one of her better friends... But because of a lack of personality, she never wants to be more than friends... I almost think that before I blossomed, I had more dates... I wasn't as self concient about things... I am at a point in my life where Im confused, and really don't know what to do with myself... I wish I could figure things out, but I don't know how... I wish I could fix it all!

12-06-2003, 03:33 PM	#2
swift44 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Philly Age: 21 Posts: 377	JUST CALM DOWN hey since u can get dates the u should just try to be yourself dont be nervous just think about what your gonna say before you say it just dont worry about what they think just say whats on your min if they dont like the real you they dont deserve you just try to calm down and think hope it works out for you best of luck to you.

12-06-2003, 03:49 PM	#3
routerx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 332	good news You are taking your talents for granted. Other people see something in you that you don't see in yourself. Spend more time focusing on other people and less on yourself. In other words, stop looking in the mirror because you won't find what you are looking for. Spend your days giving complements, smiling, and helping people. The rest will take care of itself. When you care for others more than you care about how you appear, it all works out. That's it.

12-06-2003, 11:09 PM	#4
ShadeOfGreen Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 62	You already have an attractive personality. You just have to find out how to let people know it. If it comes down to a matter of conversation or expression than just talk to people and speak up when you want to. The amazing thing about people is how different we all are, and how no matter who you are, chances are there is someone somewhere who can relate to you. Let me tell you I am a pretty big dork myself. Yet, I have never let that get to me (well at least not since sophomore year of high school). For me its a matter of knowing who I am and being comfortable with that person. A lot of times it will be difficult to find out who that is, but you just need to say to yourself 'who am I? Who is the person I would like to be with? What is it that I love?'. If you take a good look inside yourself you may be surprized who you find. When you know yourself, you should have an easier time expressing yourself. __________________ My open eyes see A zombified, somnambulist society Leaving us as vitamins For the hibernating human animal Do you see what I mean?

12-06-2003, 11:27 PM	#5
Derek Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 477	ok People are often found attractive when they have interests of their own that they are pursuing with purpose. Being attractive is about being a whole person. Have an opinion about stuff. Your own opinion. Have a direction you are going. It doesn't have to be perfect, but have something you are passionate about. (i.e. making mix CDs or sports or cars or whatever) Decide that you don't care about a girlfriend for a few months and what they might think, you just be yourself with your own opinions without a care in the world. Smile slyly like you know what you are doing. ( faking confidence makes one feel more confident ) When girls see that you seem to know where you are going and what you are doing and they will want some of that action too. Also, the a good way to be attractive is to spend the energy to pay attention, REALLY pay attention, to those around you, so that you notice and give feedback on the little things, then when they notice you've noticed, they will be impressed. When I say little things, it's like the color of eyes (a good exercise is to always try to read the eye color of everyone, forces you to look in their eyes a while) , buckle on the shoes, belt, her laugh, the color of her umbrella, type of car she might have, interests, stuff/books/music she likes/dislikes and her NAME of course. Then feed that stuff back to her in creative ways. ("I saw that your umbrella the other day was green, I thought you'd like this green scarf.") But don't be a stalker. Yes, it takes work to remember, just repeat it over and over in your head until it sticks. As others said, concentrate on the other people and worry less about yourself.

12-07-2003, 06:49 AM	#6
Cid Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Cedar City, Utah, USA Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 903	Just be your self and dont talk your self down. That is the key. __________________ The Shy Guy, Shyness will be the death of me. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.