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I'm Buddhist, she's Christian.


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As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion.

 

I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting.

 

I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed.

 

Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an argument over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do.

 

Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not.

 

Confused.

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Well I do not think you should convert if you do not truly believe. From the sound of your post it does not sound like you are conviced about Buddhism either. You are doing yourself and others a great disservice by converting without truly believing. It defeats the whole purpose of religion.

 

Its fine for you to tell your girlfriends father that you just are simply not ready to convert right now and that you need time. I understand he is trying to "save" you and evangelize his faith. But if he is truly a good Christian he will accept your decision, yet won't give up on you.

 

Were you wrong to decline her invitation to come to her dad's? Well, it might have seemed a little insensitive to her. Especially if you didn't tell her the real reason. I think you should share with her your concerns and your desire not to convert until you feel you believe. I hope she would understand and accept you for who you are.

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hello,

 

Well it seems to me you have a big choice to make,now no ofense to

christians or any other religion, but a belief like that cant be forced on to someone that dosent believe in it and it seems you really do care for her,

but I have seen relationships breakup due to heavy religious beliefs

on one end. Now it seems to me like you said she's not really all that into it so I think if you just explain to her your way of seeing things, have a

conversation about the things you agree about certain religions, ask her

what she thinks of other religions and find out how you guys relate

on theese issues, then just let her know you feel a bit presured to

do something you might not want to do, that you have your own way of thinking and believing and that her and her family should respect that.

It seems your respecting what they believe in, you were even willing to

convert at one point, so Im sure she would respect the fact that you have your own thing going. Just be comfortable and happy with who you are

and dont let anyone tell you what you believe except yourself, well I hope

this helps you in whatever happens, good luck.

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Greetings.

 

I understand your problem and how you are willing to convert to christianity for her sake. I consider myself to be religious as well and for the record, I'm protestant. But I believe in my own interpretation of God and heaven and all that comes with it. That is besides the point and that is why I'm ending it here =).

 

But as a buddhist you do not have to pretend to be interested in another religion and feeling fake when reading through the bible. Atleast that is what my memory from my religion classes tell me.

A buddhist knows the other religions and respects them for what they are, even if they do not believe in them.

I can understand that you want to be on the good side with her father.

Who wouldn't, it is a very important thing to do. But do you perhaps think that you could discuss buddhism contra catholism with him, or is her very conservative? Giving up your own belief just to look good in his eyes is, as you said, lying to yourself and making an unnessecary sacrifice. And a very large one at that.

 

People should be respected for what they are and not forced into a belief. I doubt that God would like that very much. Catholism is a religion which is followed by oh so many humans, but buddhism.. Isn't buddhism more like an opinion and teaching of what one man once pondered about. Buddha is not considered a god I believe. Purely a man who some followed and a philosophy who grew bigger as time passed by. Thus being a buddhist isn't really going against God, right?

But then again, I am not certain about this and I could very well be wrong.

 

I'm saddened that such a thing as religion was near to ending it between you and your lady. It shouldn't because religion is a thing that connects people instead of driving them apart. Love was gifted to man from God, says the bible, and love is what you and your lady are experiencing. How can anything be wrong if you two do not agree religion-wise on certain aspects? Love is still there and aparantly it is very strong since you are seemingly willing to go to extreme measures in spending your days with her =)

 

 

I wish you all the best of luck and that everything will be solved without any pain .

Goodbye and good luck =)

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If you really want to find out more ask questions. Go to her dad and just ask away. It sounds to me like he's being a little pushy, so I would suggest that you ask him not to push. Tell him you'll come to him when you're ready. He shouldn't have a problem with that. If you don't want to ask him feel free to talk to me. You can pm me or whatever. Just realize that no one will ever have all the answers, but if you ask enough people you'll be able to find an answer. I agree that you shouldn't live a lie. If you don't believe then don't. If nothing else you're studies will help you understand your girl. If you're really looking for answers, then don't be afraid to ask questions.

 

You never improve yourself without asking questions.

 

I'll do my best to answer anything you ask me.

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Redsol...

I am pagan, and my partner is a necromancer. We hold very different beliefs, but it does not come in the way of our relationship. This is because we are both our own people. The only thing I find irritating about Christians is how they claim that their way is the 'only way' and try to convert people. What happened to freewill?

My family call themselves devout Christians. Having said that, they have disowned me because of my beliefs, and we haven't spoken in years. I do love my family, and I miss them terribly, but I have tried to talk to them to no avail. Doesn't seem a very 'christian' thing to do, but they believe they are doing the right thing, and I respect that is how they are.

No matter how much you love somebody, I don't think it is wise to convert to their beliefs. In the long run, I feel it could do more damage to the relationship, and could be thrown up in every argument...I did this for you...

Personally, I feel this is an issue between you and her, not her father. I understand how he feels, and he just wants the best for his daughter, but at the end of the day, you two have had 6 years together. If he carries on being insistent that you need to be 'saved', be honest with him. He should respect you for that.

As has already been said, religion is supposed to bring people closer, all humanity as one....

I do hope this gets resolved soon and that you can be happy...have you prayed about it?? Maybe that could help. I believe all the answers we ever need are already inside of us, we just have to dig deep to find them.

My thoughts are with you

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Look man- lets get to the point!

I know the christian religion!-

If she is a real christian, than think its over because christians get marry between christians; if you really love her ( and I think you do )

you may whant to start going to her church; and mabey she already inbited you!-

LOOK what you are duing ( making her miss some church days) is really bad!- I know a LOT of people that where christians and married a non-christian person; and there lifes whent down the sink!!!

I will tell you something!!-*

I know this woman that I really aprisiate- She was christian and she still IS; but she married a non-chiristian guy. They were really in love but before they got married, her pastor toll her to not do it, also her mother; but she did it anyway! The time pass and one day this guy got drunk; she whent away to some plase and than because he was drunk he got a gun and whent to rob this market and made a disaster! Than, the police came

and took him to jail for life!!!- This really sad because ones they loved each other, and now look what happed.

And the thing is: If you are a christian you can't diborce, and you have to pray for this person intill they search for god, and become good, etc.

And until today, she is 46 yoars old, and she's still alone!

I even have an aunt that happened something like this!

Hey!, but don't think that every thing is hard and cold!

I also know family that got maride ( christinan to christinan )

and lived happily ever after; some of them are old people and they still love each other like when they first met!- I is so BEATIFULL!!!!!

I could be here telling you stuff all day but lisen to this very carefully!

If you become a christian you and her will be happy, and it will be the best

experience you have ever had!!!

I'll tell you this: If you don't get in her way of the church and you even go with her to church; she will really aprisiated because she will know that you will be with her in the love part, and religious part; which is really IMPORTANT!!!!!

 

Please don't ignore this post; I know what i am saynig!!

 

And i'll love to know this about yourself:

Do you live in Miami, Florida?

Do you speak spanish?

 

Ok I will finish here but if you need more of my help just ask me and I'll do my best to help you!!!

 

"GOD BLESS YOU!!!!"

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  • 6 years later...

I'm dealing with a similar problem. I'm the female version of yours. I actually think that everyone else summed this all up in a nut shell. I am the Christian in my relationship and I don't feel that you should force yourself to believe something you don't. I think you should figure out what you DO believe, why you believe it and discuss it with your lover. If she has a bad temper, be direct, but let her know you're not trying to hurt her. But you need to be honest; holding it in can cause deep trouble.

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I'm Buddhist too and my boyfriend is Christian. We do fine though...he's quite liberal and I was raised Christian but left the church when I was a young teen. Not for me.

 

Anyway, Buddhism is all about respect for others, even when you don't agree. I'd sit down with the dad and tell him that. Say that you love his daughter but you just don't share the same beliefs. But you still love her unconditionally regardless...Buddhism is a lot like Christianity in terms of moral beliefs. Tell him that you respect her AND him, and can you agree to disagree? You respect him even though he's different from you, can he do the same?

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  • 5 months later...

You shouldn't change your core value system for someone else's sake unless you're absolutely sure you want to make that spiritual and emotional committment. My sister is a devout Catholic who married an agnostic Anglo-American (we're Hispanic). He's a nice guy, but in the beginning was hard. He did not want any children, or involvement with any sort of church, both of which were extremely important to my sister. She's been married to this man for 5 years now and seems happier than ever when you'd think she would be miserable. Some people can make that kind of change, others cannot. You have to decide not only if you can, but if you honestly really want to.

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What I think IS a fair question is where the relationship is going after 6 years, even if the question of faith is not there and it is a fair question to decide whether you two are compatible in the long run. Maybe not to answer to him, but to think about it for yourselves. Also, there are many people who attach themselves to Buddhism and they don't even know what its about and maybe he doesn't really know that that's not you.. It is more than "accept everybody" there are also things that Buddhists belief that is not anywhere near "whatever, whatever you want to believe is fine." that is what makes buddhism buddhism and not secularism or humanism. Anyway, some folks say their buddhists because they think cool: and maybe he believes that this may be you because he doesn't know. There honestly were friends of mine where it was a "phase." I did know someone who was serious about their buddhist faith and it was far form "i don't go to church so I'm buddhist" - he studied with monks and was a practicing buddhist - he was religious in other words. What I am trying to say is that because of this all, people who are not buddhists dont see everyone attaching to buddhism as serious - its something some friends were fervent about in college and then it fizzled out.

 

If you respect her faith, then it could work, but Christians are taught to seek a life partner who is "equally yoked." I would actually out of respect for her learn about what she believes. Read about the teachings of Jesus Christ and decide for yourself whether it is something you believe or at least can support the belief in her. I am not saying read church doctrine, but actually read his words and meet people who have been changed and have faith. It will give you a better understanding whehter you an support her or not. And that will tell you a lot about whether it is something if you said you are willing to convert like you said or you are willing to at least be supportive of her.

 

Normally, I understand where people are coming from of not wanting people to shove things down one's throat, but if you are considering marrying this girl someday, it is a FAIR thing to explore, wonder and think about if it is something that would be a dealbreaker for you or it is something you can merely tolerate or embrace.

 

Above all, I would encourage her to attend church even if you don't go. You don't want it to be a codependent situation where she goes or doesn't go because she is trying to please or appease you. She can choose what she wants, of course, but she shouldn't feel like she can't go to church with her family or believe what she belives because she feels that you won't be with her. I know myself I help people in support groups connected with a place of worship but for awhile I didn't go because I wanted to be free for my boyfriend. But I changed what I do now. But the difference is we believe the same things, so a little different, but the same in the whole "not going because of a boyfriend".

 

Also, because her dad JUST found out about you after 6 whole years maybe he wants to give you the once over beause he wonders why his daughter was keeping he relationship from him. wanted to know if there was a reason for concern or not

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Imo, I would be VERY cautious with this girl, unless you know you are capable of "playing along." By that I mean going to her church, participating in her church activities, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, being willing to let your kids practice Christianity should you have any children. You don't have to believe to go through the motions, but you should try first. So, if you want this girl, try going to her church regularly and see if you can handle it without being too uncomfortable. I can totally understand if it turns out you can't. My parents really want be to start going to my church again, but not only do I not believe (i.e. I'd only be doing it for them), I can't STAND the self-righteous and judgmental people there.

 

So play along for a little while if you want, see if you can tolerate it, and go from there. If you can't then I would end the relationship. This could go very VERY badly for you later if you get married and have kids and decides to get "churchy" again and doesn't have your support. That preacher dad is going to be trouble when if he sees his grandkids growing up as 'godless heathens.' I promise you this.

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I'm Buddhist too and my boyfriend is Christian. We do fine though...he's quite liberal and I was raised Christian but left the church when I was a young teen. Not for me.

 

Anyway, Buddhism is all about respect for others, even when you don't agree. I'd sit down with the dad and tell him that. Say that you love his daughter but you just don't share the same beliefs. But you still love her unconditionally regardless...Buddhism is a lot like Christianity in terms of moral beliefs. Tell him that you respect her AND him, and can you agree to disagree? You respect him even though he's different from you, can he do the same?

 

Buddhism is also about the concept of no self, and the rejection of desire. I always wonder if Western people are legitimate Buddhists, or just like the philosophy. Their world view has nothing in common with western concepts whatsoever.

 

As far as the post goes, I wouldn't date someone whose core beliefs didn't mesh with mine. I learned that one the hard way.

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