I'm Buddhist, she's Christian.

redsol · 11-17-2003, 11:59 AM

As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion.

I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting.

I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed.

Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an arguement over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do.

Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not.

Confused.

**avman** · 11-17-2003, 12:15 PM

Well I do not think you should convert if you do not truly believe. From the sound of your post it does not sound like you are conviced about Buddhism either. You are doing yourself and others a great disservice by converting without truly believing. It defeats the whole purpose of religion.

Its fine for you to tell your girlfriends father that you just are simply not ready to convert right now and that you need time. I understand he is trying to "save" you and evangelize his faith. But if he is truly a good Christian he will accept your decision, yet won't give up on you.

Were you wrong to decline her invitation to come to her dad's? Well, it might have seemed a little insensitive to her. Especially if you didn't tell her the real reason. I think you should share with her your concerns and your desire not to convert until you feel you believe. I hope she would understand and accept you for who you are.

giggirl · 11-17-2003, 12:23 PM

hello,

Well it seems to me you have a big choice to make,now no ofense to
christians or any other religion, but a belief like that cant be forced on to someone that dosent belive in it and it seems you really do care for her,
but I have seen relationships breakup due to heavy religious beliefs
on one end. Now it seems to me like you said she's not really all that into it so I think if you just explain to her your way of seeing things, have a
conversation about the things you agree about certain religions, ask her
what she thinks of other religions and find out how you guys relate
on theese issues, then just let her know you feel a bit presured to
do something you might not want to do, that you have your own way of thinking and believing and that her and her family should respect that.
It seems your respecting what they belive in, you were even willing to
convert at one point, so Im sure she would respect the fact that you have your own thing going. Just be comfortable and happy with who you are
and dont let anyone tell you what you belive except yourself, well I hope
this helps you in whatever happens, good luck.

akatoro · 11-17-2003, 12:28 PM

Greetings.

I understand your problem and how you are willing to convert to christianity for her sake. I consider myself to be religious as well and for the record, I'm protestant. But I believe in my own interpretation of God and heaven and all that comes with it. That is besides the point and that is why I'm ending it here =).

But as a buddhist you do not have to pretend to be interested in another religion and feeling fake when reading through the bible. Atleast that is what my memory from my religion classes tell me.
A buddhist knows the other religions and respects them for what they are, even if they do not believe in them.
I can understand that you want to be on the good side with her father.
Who wouldn't, it is a very important thing to do. But do you perhaps think that you could discuss buddhism contra catholism with him, or is her very conservative? Giving up your own belief just to look good in his eyes is, as you said, lying to yourself and making an unnessecary sacrifice. And a very large one at that.

People should be respected for what they are and not forced into a belief. I doubt that God would like that very much. Catholism is a religion which is followed by oh so many humans, but buddhism.. Isn't buddhism more like an opinion and teaching of what one man once pondered about. Buddha is not considered a god I believe. Purely a man who some followed and a philosophy who grew bigger as time passed by. Thus being a buddhist isn't really going against God, right?
But then again, I am not certain about this and I could very well be wrong.

I'm saddened that such a thing as religion was near to ending it between you and your lady. It shouldn't because religion is a thing that connects people instead of driving them apart. Love was gifted to man from God, says the bible, and love is what you and your lady are experiencing. How can anything be wrong if you two do not agree religion-wise on certain aspects? Love is still there and aparantly it is very strong since you are seemingly willing to go to extreme measures in spending your days with her =)

I wish you all the best of luck and that everything will be solved without any pain

.
Goodbye and good luck =)

Nifty_Swifty1 · 11-17-2003, 01:46 PM

If you really want to find out more ask questions. Go to her dad and just ask away. It sounds to me like he's being a little pushy, so I would suggest that you ask him not to push. Tell him you'll come to him when you're ready. He shouldn't have a problem with that. If you don't want to ask him feel free to talk to me. You can pm me or whatever. Just realize that no one will ever have all the answers, but if you ask enough people you'll be able to find an answer. I agree that you shouldn't live a lie. If you don't believe then don't. If nothing else you're studies will help you understand your girl. If you're really looking for answers, then don't be afraid to ask questions.

You never improve yourself without asking questions.

I'll do my best to answer anything you ask me.

Kitty Gadol · 11-17-2003, 02:13 PM

Redsol...
I am pagan, and my partner is a necromancer. We hold very different beliefs, but it does not come in the way of our relationship. This is because we are both our own people. The only thing I find irritating about Christians is how they claim that their way is the 'only way' and try to convert people. What happened to freewill?
My family call themselves devout Christians. Having said that, they have disowned me because of my beliefs, and we haven't spoken in years. I do love my family, and I miss them terribly, but I have tried to talk to them to no avail. Doesn't seem a very 'christian' thing to do, but they believe they are doing the right thing, and I respect that is how they are.
No matter how much you love somebody, I don't think it is wise to convert to their beliefs. In the long run, I feel it could do more damage to the relationship, and could be thrown up in every argument...I did this for you...
Personally, I feel this is an issue between you and her, not her father. I understand how he feels, and he just wants the best for his daughter, but at the end of the day, you two have had 6 years together. If he carries on being insistent that you need to be 'saved', be honest with him. He should respect you for that.
As has already been said, religion is supposed to bring people closer, all humanity as one....
I do hope this gets resolved soon and that you can be happy...have you prayed about it?? Maybe that could help. I believe all the answers we ever need are already inside of us, we just have to dig deep to find them.
My thoughts are with you

Gauchori · 11-17-2003, 11:06 PM

Look man- lets get to the point!
I know the christian religion!-
If she is a real christian, than think its over because christians get marry between christians; if you really love her ( and I think you do )
you may whant to start going to her church; and mabey she already inbited you!-
LOOK

what you are duing ( making her miss some church days) is really bad!- I know a LOT of people that where christians and married a non-christian person; and there lifes whent down the sink!!!
I will tell you something!!-*
I know this woman that I really aprisiate- She was christian and she still IS; but she married a non-chiristian guy. They were really in love but before they got married, her pastor toll her to not do it, also her mother; but she did it anyway! The time pass and one day this guy got drunk; she whent away to some plase and than because he was drunk he got a gun and whent to rob this market and made a disaster! Than, the police came
and took him to jail for life!!!- This really sad because ones they loved each other, and now look what happed.
And the thing is: If you are a christian you can't diborce, and you have to pray for this person intill they search for god, and become good, etc.
And untill today, she is 46 yoars old, and she's still alone!
I even have an aunt that happend something like this!
Hey!, but don't think that every thing is hard and cold!
I also know family that got maride ( christinan to christinan )
and lived happily ever after; some of them are old people and they still love each other like when they first met!- I is so BEATIFULL!!!!!
I could be here telling you stuff all day but lisen to this very carefully!
If you become a christian you and her will be happy, and it will be the best
experience you have ever had!!!
I'll tell you this: If you don't get in her way of the church and you even go with her to church; she will really aprisiated because she will know that you will be with her in the love part, and religious part; wich is really IMPORTANT!!!!!

Please don't ignore this post; I know what i am saynig!!

And i'll love to know this about yourself:
Do you live in Miami, Florida?
Do you speak spanish?

Ok I will finish here but if you need more of my help just ask me and I'll do my best to help you!!!

"GOD BLESS YOU!!!!"

11-17-2003, 11:59 AM	#1
redsol Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 15	I'm Buddhist, she's Christian. As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion. I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting. I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed. Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an arguement over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do. Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not. Confused.

11-17-2003, 12:23 PM	#3
giggirl Offline Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: here in my place Age: 29 Posts: 51	hello hello, Well it seems to me you have a big choice to make,now no ofense to christians or any other religion, but a belief like that cant be forced on to someone that dosent belive in it and it seems you really do care for her, but I have seen relationships breakup due to heavy religious beliefs on one end. Now it seems to me like you said she's not really all that into it so I think if you just explain to her your way of seeing things, have a conversation about the things you agree about certain religions, ask her what she thinks of other religions and find out how you guys relate on theese issues, then just let her know you feel a bit presured to do something you might not want to do, that you have your own way of thinking and believing and that her and her family should respect that. It seems your respecting what they belive in, you were even willing to convert at one point, so Im sure she would respect the fact that you have your own thing going. Just be comfortable and happy with who you are and dont let anyone tell you what you belive except yourself, well I hope this helps you in whatever happens, good luck.

11-17-2003, 12:28 PM	#4
akatoro Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Sweden Age: 24 Posts: 316	Greetings. I understand your problem and how you are willing to convert to christianity for her sake. I consider myself to be religious as well and for the record, I'm protestant. But I believe in my own interpretation of God and heaven and all that comes with it. That is besides the point and that is why I'm ending it here =). But as a buddhist you do not have to pretend to be interested in another religion and feeling fake when reading through the bible. Atleast that is what my memory from my religion classes tell me. A buddhist knows the other religions and respects them for what they are, even if they do not believe in them. I can understand that you want to be on the good side with her father. Who wouldn't, it is a very important thing to do. But do you perhaps think that you could discuss buddhism contra catholism with him, or is her very conservative? Giving up your own belief just to look good in his eyes is, as you said, lying to yourself and making an unnessecary sacrifice. And a very large one at that. People should be respected for what they are and not forced into a belief. I doubt that God would like that very much. Catholism is a religion which is followed by oh so many humans, but buddhism.. Isn't buddhism more like an opinion and teaching of what one man once pondered about. Buddha is not considered a god I believe. Purely a man who some followed and a philosophy who grew bigger as time passed by. Thus being a buddhist isn't really going against God, right? But then again, I am not certain about this and I could very well be wrong. I'm saddened that such a thing as religion was near to ending it between you and your lady. It shouldn't because religion is a thing that connects people instead of driving them apart. Love was gifted to man from God, says the bible, and love is what you and your lady are experiencing. How can anything be wrong if you two do not agree religion-wise on certain aspects? Love is still there and aparantly it is very strong since you are seemingly willing to go to extreme measures in spending your days with her =) I wish you all the best of luck and that everything will be solved without any pain . Goodbye and good luck =) __________________ We met through the crosshair Your assault on us was courageous May you charge the gates of heaven just as boldly. Rest, Soldier Nyne and Soldier Sysse.

11-17-2003, 02:13 PM	#6
Kitty Gadol Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Blackpool, UK Posts: 19	Redsol... I am pagan, and my partner is a necromancer. We hold very different beliefs, but it does not come in the way of our relationship. This is because we are both our own people. The only thing I find irritating about Christians is how they claim that their way is the 'only way' and try to convert people. What happened to freewill? My family call themselves devout Christians. Having said that, they have disowned me because of my beliefs, and we haven't spoken in years. I do love my family, and I miss them terribly, but I have tried to talk to them to no avail. Doesn't seem a very 'christian' thing to do, but they believe they are doing the right thing, and I respect that is how they are. No matter how much you love somebody, I don't think it is wise to convert to their beliefs. In the long run, I feel it could do more damage to the relationship, and could be thrown up in every argument...I did this for you... Personally, I feel this is an issue between you and her, not her father. I understand how he feels, and he just wants the best for his daughter, but at the end of the day, you two have had 6 years together. If he carries on being insistent that you need to be 'saved', be honest with him. He should respect you for that. As has already been said, religion is supposed to bring people closer, all humanity as one.... I do hope this gets resolved soon and that you can be happy...have you prayed about it?? Maybe that could help. I believe all the answers we ever need are already inside of us, we just have to dig deep to find them. My thoughts are with you __________________ Love and hugs, Kitty Kat xx

11-17-2003, 12:15 PM	#2
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,526	Well I do not think you should convert if you do not truly believe. From the sound of your post it does not sound like you are conviced about Buddhism either. You are doing yourself and others a great disservice by converting without truly believing. It defeats the whole purpose of religion. Its fine for you to tell your girlfriends father that you just are simply not ready to convert right now and that you need time. I understand he is trying to "save" you and evangelize his faith. But if he is truly a good Christian he will accept your decision, yet won't give up on you. Were you wrong to decline her invitation to come to her dad's? Well, it might have seemed a little insensitive to her. Especially if you didn't tell her the real reason. I think you should share with her your concerns and your desire not to convert until you feel you believe. I hope she would understand and accept you for who you are.

11-17-2003, 01:46 PM	#5
Nifty_Swifty1 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Kansas Age: 26 Posts: 647	If you really want to find out more ask questions. Go to her dad and just ask away. It sounds to me like he's being a little pushy, so I would suggest that you ask him not to push. Tell him you'll come to him when you're ready. He shouldn't have a problem with that. If you don't want to ask him feel free to talk to me. You can pm me or whatever. Just realize that no one will ever have all the answers, but if you ask enough people you'll be able to find an answer. I agree that you shouldn't live a lie. If you don't believe then don't. If nothing else you're studies will help you understand your girl. If you're really looking for answers, then don't be afraid to ask questions. You never improve yourself without asking questions. I'll do my best to answer anything you ask me.

11-17-2003, 11:06 PM	#7
Gauchori Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: In an empty, white, 3D world. My head- Posts: 666	Look man- lets get to the point! I know the christian religion!- If she is a real christian, than think its over because christians get marry between christians; if you really love her ( and I think you do ) you may whant to start going to her church; and mabey she already inbited you!- LOOK what you are duing ( making her miss some church days) is really bad!- I know a LOT of people that where christians and married a non-christian person; and there lifes whent down the sink!!! I will tell you something!!-* I know this woman that I really aprisiate- She was christian and she still IS; but she married a non-chiristian guy. They were really in love but before they got married, her pastor toll her to not do it, also her mother; but she did it anyway! The time pass and one day this guy got drunk; she whent away to some plase and than because he was drunk he got a gun and whent to rob this market and made a disaster! Than, the police came and took him to jail for life!!!- This really sad because ones they loved each other, and now look what happed. And the thing is: If you are a christian you can't diborce, and you have to pray for this person intill they search for god, and become good, etc. And untill today, she is 46 yoars old, and she's still alone! I even have an aunt that happend something like this! Hey!, but don't think that every thing is hard and cold! I also know family that got maride ( christinan to christinan ) and lived happily ever after; some of them are old people and they still love each other like when they first met!- I is so BEATIFULL!!!!! I could be here telling you stuff all day but lisen to this very carefully! If you become a christian you and her will be happy, and it will be the best experience you have ever had!!! I'll tell you this: If you don't get in her way of the church and you even go with her to church; she will really aprisiated because she will know that you will be with her in the love part, and religious part; wich is really IMPORTANT!!!!! Please don't ignore this post; I know what i am saynig!! And i'll love to know this about yourself: Do you live in Miami, Florida? Do you speak spanish? Ok I will finish here but if you need more of my help just ask me and I'll do my best to help you!!! "GOD BLESS YOU!!!!"