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  1. #1

    Hello, I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had a Girlfriend

    I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarassed and sometimes i'm not. It is a peculiar lifestyle though because i'm losing touch with what most of society seems to be familiar with. As their lives form and shape around relationships and families, mine does not. I'm not always sad about it. Sometimes it makes no difference but i do fear it continuing like this. I do suspect it will not become healthy for my mind and body in the long run.

    Is there anyone here who relates?

  2. #2
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    Hey Man,

    I'm in the same position except I'm 25! There doesn't seem to be any particular reason for it either. I'm reasonably good looking, fun to talk to...it's just hard for me to express my feelings to girls because when I do, they never seem to feel the same way.

    But enough about me...You just have to to live to fight another day and not let it get to you too much. Don't get so down on yourself that you become self-destructive (alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc.) Learn to communicate your feelings. Even if they fall on deaf ears, at least you'll know you've tried and it will become easier as you meet new people. Girls can be a real pain in the ass sometimes so it's really a mixed blessing.

    Stay Strong!
    "Let the disappointments pass
    Let the laughter fill your glass
    Let your illusions last until they shatter
    Whatever you might hope to find
    Among the thoughts that crowd your mind
    There won't be many that ever really matter"

    -Jackson Browne, 1976

  3. #3
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    Erm I can't really understand it I haven't even gone 16 years with out it.

  4. #4
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    lose it slowly

    Hi. I am a very attractive 36 year old female, married with 2 kids. After having lots of non-virgins interested in me and show me their interest (sometimes way too much), I decided I would go for my friends, men who were less demonstrative. Well, actually I befriended like 5 guys, invested emotionally, played a 'Nice girl' as you say 'Nice guy' and they never asked me out, heck, they could not even figure out I was interested in them. I realize now, they were virgins and they made me comfortable because they didn't come on to me, but not at all.

    Now that I found a wonderful man (a very non virgin), as I said I realize all those guys were virgins and were repressed for some reason. You have to make mistakes to get experience. I too now see this as I married my only lover (big mistake).

    All this to say that I wasted a lot of time on these 'friends' whom I really liked, but because they lacked the confidence that 'having lost it' gives you, we could never get together. I ended up fooling around with other 'non virgin' types. Hate to categorize. In one example, I was 19, he was 18, we worked together and were sexual in our general ways, but never kissed/petted until he lost it with another girl. Then on my graduation day, he just was all over me like a lion (it was great) and it was one of the best nights of my life.

    It will boost your confidence and you will end up in a wonderful relationship, but you have to be willing to fumble through, make mistakes. You know no one is really an expert in this and every person you feel sexual feelings for is a different experience. A virgin girl is not so bad but since a girl cannot make a guy love her, the first real sexual moves has to come from the guy.

    Wait for a girl you really feel hot for for your first time, even do it with a friend who is a non-virgin since the person will certainly still be friends wtih you and go through things slowly You will be a better person for it. Had I figured this out earlier on in life, I would not have built up this hurt over my virginal, non-confident, maybe repressed male friends, who today probably feel that they passed up an awesome girl!!!!! Bye.

  5. #5
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    you will find her when you stop looking.. theres no rush man, your still young

  6. #6
    Silver Member OmegaMan's Avatar
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    ALthough, I've had girlfriends before, I didn't have sex before I was 21, so I wouldn't worry too much. You know, just wait and see, be patient, sometimes we have the impression that some things will never happen because we want it so much, but it's when things are getting hard to it's most important not to give up.

    To be honest, I think having sex is great. It got boring after a while though, always with the same person, guess we (my gf and I) never managed to reinvent our sex life did we...

    What I mean by that, well I'm sure it depends for each person, but I can honestly say sex isn't what makes me the happiest. It's an activity like another, having good friends is so great, being loved by your family, loving what you study, those are all great things that makes life worthwhile.

    In other words, don't dwell on what you don't have as you'll NEVER have everything, try to find some satisfaction, and things will fall in place.

    Omega Man

  7. #7

    the 21yr old boy

    Don't get me wrong. I am fine with what i have and i know its not too uncommon to be a virgin at 21 but coupled with not having any relationship experience, that's less common.

    i do need to stop harping over it so much but i've seen single men who are much older who fall and find themselves in strange, peculiar ruts. So its a slight worry of mine. I would prefer not to develop some of those habits of repression and selfishness that comes with a long time of isolation.

  8. #8
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    Hey there, well I know how you feel...only I'm 18. I know I'm a few years younger, but I can relate. I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed and never been on a date...(meaning I haven't done anything...at all...ever) so I understand what you are feeling. I am fine about it most of the time, yet every once in awhile it gets to me and I can't help but think I'm not getting the full relationship experience. I know I'm young and such and I have many years ahead of me to date. But when you think about it, dating and having a real relationship prepares you for marriage and long term commitments, so its good to get the chance to do that before you are around the general marrying age. And it helps with understanding what types of people you get along with and what you want in a life-time partner....but I'll put an end to my babble...
    She'll come someday...
    ~*Justagirl*~
    **You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, but you cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.**
    *~*~*You know its love when all you want is for that one person to be happy, even if you arent part of that happiness.*~*~*

  9. #9
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    Re: Hello, I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had a Girlfr

    Quote Originally Posted by estevan_carlos
    I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarassed and sometimes i'm not.
    Hey, so you are a late bloomer. I was too. I lost my virginity at 21 or 22. I am now 35, married with kids. My advice? Enjoy being 21! Spend your money on yourself. Have some fun. Once you start the sex stuff, things change. Relationships become more demanding and things get serious all of a sudden. Before you know it, you'll be tied down, committed, and broke.

  10. #10
    Silver Member OmegaMan's Avatar
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    not having any relationship experience, that's less common.
    You know, normality as this way of making us feel bad about ourselves. Why can't you compare yourself to yourself instead of worrying about how far the others are. You know among men, that are just so many LIES about sex. One of my friends admitted he didn't have sex before he was 20, but not before always telling me he had it at 17 first. So don't think that what everyone says is the truth, 'cause it's not.

    I am not saying you're not entitled to worry about that, it's your right, but you know what? Once you get sex, and you will, something else is going to bother you. And then something else. And so on. See what I'm getting at?

    There are so many people in your situation, you can't imagine how much. You know, I don't think you'll become selfish or anything because you don't get in a relationship soon. You know, I also panic sometimes, because I've haven't got this or that, but WE'VE STILL GOT LIFE AHEAD OF US. It WILL come, it's up to you to make the efforts required so that your wishes come true.

    Good luck

    Etienne

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