Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Canada ( Montreal)
    Posts
    2

    Why my girlfriend treat me so bad :(?

    I've been goign out with my girlfriend for 1 year and 7 months, everything was good before,then she start to change ,she always yell at me ,she get angry at me every single day, she said I'm so annoying...
    (I drove her to work every weekend, whenever she finsh work I cook supper for her,whenever she need help I will be there for her ,take care of her,)is that really annoting by doing all this.I tried to talked to her abouthtis ,she said sorry and the next day she yell again.I really love her ,I try to do my best to make her as happy as possible,I feel so confuse.Now she kelp on telling me how good her guy friends are,and she compare with me and her friends ,she said They're all batter then me.She said I have no life...? WHY ? I didnt do anmythign wrong .whenever I did something wrong i apologizw right away & I never did anything very bad.I really dont know what to do . Please help me.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    195
    talk it out. but only when you are both cool. if you want her more than she wants you, then you better not lose your temper, even if you are in the right and she won't admit it.

    find out what's wrong. status quo is obviously not good enough. but don't ask directly. "what's wrong". very often, women expect us to be able to read their mind after a while, but trust me, even 10 years later, we still haven't leaned step 1 of mind reading

    so better rack your brains, be real honest with yourself, and dig up the incidents in which she has flared up over. the big ones, the not so big ones, the small but frequent ones.

    analyse each incident from her point of view. if you see it from your point of view, you are going to miss it all, and you will stay on square one and get bashed over and over again.

    when you think you know why she's upset, list down your bad points (eg. never give her engagement ring, never plan for romantic evenings and vacations, not calling her in advance if you can't make it for something, inconsiderate, or else patronizing, ignored her, failed to see she's baiting for compliments, forgot to say sorry when you kept her waiting, etc....)

    then think hard how to get her in a good mood to talk seriously - not romance, cos that just distracts from the problem, and you will never resolve it, just sweep it under the romance carpet until the next explosion.

    share with her how you've thought over the relationship, the things you ought to have done, but didn't, apologise specifically for your actions for each event if possible, and ask for her forgiveness. then ask her to show you other aspects of your behaviour that you didn't discover on your own. tell her how much you love her, and is willing to work on your faults

    after the reconciliation that follows, make sure you really check yourself against your fault list. this is between you and yourself, not really your girlfriend. she's just your mirror. if you learn to treat people better, the advantage is all yours, really. and it sure helps to have as a reward, the love of a loved woman

    ps. don't use the opportunity to critique her. if she wants to change to please you, she will do likewise. if not, does it matter? love is all about giving anyway. anyway, when she finds that you are no longer pushing her anger buttons, she will respond a whole lot nicer to you. no more nagging and screaming (except the nice types in bed ).

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    12
    My girlfriend was doing the same thing about one month before she broke up with me. Telling me how nice one of her guy friends was, comparing me to him etc. Yelling at me for small stupid sh*t.

    Im going to give you some advice I wish someone would have given me.

    Break up with her, before she breaks up with you.

    Doing this might just be what she needs to be shocked back into the relationship, and even if it doesn't work it puts YOU back in control.

    She doesn't respect you. Telling you that you have no life? Don't take that crap.

    Im guessing that when you first got with her she always wanted to be with you and got mad if you didn't pay her any attention, well now that shes bored with you she can't figure out why you have no friends when you had been used to being with her 24/7 - Thats how my girlfriend was, calling me 2 - 3 times a day, getting mad if I was hanging out with friends.
    And then after they get you for themselves for a while they can't figure out why you don't have a life away from them... gee lets think....

    Break up with her before she breaks up with you. She sees you as weak and fragile.

    You are the man. Take back control.

    And NEVER let the woman gain control of the relationship, eventually they get bored with someone they see as weak. Regain your self confidence - lift weights or whatever, become happy with youself and everything else will fall into place.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    28
    i couldnt agree more with nate...BREAK UP WITH HER!! Well thats something that you decide on a personal level. Normally i dont like judging situations before viewing the full truth for myself..but if what your saying is true then you've said enough.

    For example, comparing you with her "other guy" friends i find to be totally inconsiderate of your feelings, disrespectful and unacceptable. Everybody is special and different in their own way..and nobody likes being compared to others negatively. Ask yourself, how would she feel if you compared her to her female friends? I strongly doubt that she would appreciate that.

    You seem to be doing all you can for her, all of which she takes for granted. It also seems that she is taking advantage of your "niceness"...like she is so used to it now that she can't see it anymore. Thats not fair to you and i believe any person in your situation deserves better.

    Id like to ask you just one final question...and i say this over and over again in these forums....you say you love her...why would you want to be with somebody that doesnt love you in return? Im sure that if you tried hard enough whether it takes weeks, months or even years in the end you will learn that she is only doing you harm and you dont really love her. My tip is do make decisions based not only on what your heart feels but what your mind (BRAIN) thinks!! They work together..hope this helps!!

  5. #5
    Member lokagirla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    puerto rico
    Posts
    34
    ok , bout your situation,... i really think the relationship is totally goin downhill... so make it roll faster and break up like the others said.

    now, im a girl... and well there is a great misconseption bout CONTROL in a relationship. come on guys, only a mature relationship has a balanced control within the two partners.. no one has real control over the other,, thaz stupid... they both have the same rights and emotions.

    one thing is to be weak and stupid.. like adrian said,. a "nice guy" LOSER. but get a grip! u cant b a jerk cause U have control... THAT is crap.

    now, as i can see, your girl in this case, she isnt appreciatin u no more.. in fact.. she doesnt know how to get rid of u... that hurts,,, but hey... if ya get all firm and stuff.. youll be fine... youll get an awesome girl eventually. now get rid of that one... there is no LOVE..cant ya see? her head has probably been filled with trash from most of her "friends." the fact that youve been so tolerant with her makes leavin ya harder... thaz why she gets all frustrated... and mad.. and yellin and sh*t... trust me... ive been the b*tch.. and i know those emotions... but theyre immature.. u have to face your partner and speak clearly.. never hold back on any type of negative feelin.. discusse it over cause if this keeps up like this i see an ugly breakup and some pissed off ppl who wont b able to b even friends in the future... like little kids do. just let her go man... tell her u cant B with someone who doesnt show she cares... shes not been comprehensive... youre just not clickin anymore... and plz dont humiliate yourself... plz!!! thaz embarrasin for u and for her. so b a person *i dont believe in that BE A MAN* crap. so go on and do somethin!

    good luck
    lokagirla.
    ~EtHeReAl Is My PrEsEnCe BeFoRe YoU~

  6. #6
    Silver Member Gilgamesh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Caribbean
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,631
    Gender
    Male
    I also agree with the other responders to this post, break up with her.

    1) She doesnt respect you because you look needy to her.
    2) Your always on the defense, pampering her every cry, guess what, she
    sees you as a wimp.
    3) She doesnt appreciate you and will continue to use you and treat you
    like dirt.
    4) I know you wont follow this advise because you still think that youll win
    her over by being better to her and try and win her love. this will only
    make her resent you more.

    So make the first move, and maybe you'll get her respect and attention, and if she doesnt want you later, then you dont want her anyway.

    look desperate, and your dead. one way or the other, your gonna learn.
    Experience is something you don't get until just
    after you need it.

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    134
    Quote Originally Posted by Nate
    Im going to give you some advice I wish someone would have given me.

    Break up with her, before she breaks up with you.

    Doing this might just be what she needs to be shocked back into the relationship, and even if it doesn't work it puts YOU back in control.
    I agree 100% with Nate, and I know first hand that that's the only option you have. Her interest level has already hit rock bottom if she's treating you in this way. And lokagirla, I see your point about control, but I think that it's not control over the girl that is important, but control of the relationship in the sense that you don't let the relationship become more important then your personal happiness.

    I JUST this weekend broke up with my girlfriend because she was becoming very argumentative and she would snap at the pettiest things. Even though she treats me like a king and all, plus she's gorgeous (model material), I love myself more than my relationship with her. I was becoming unhappy after months of her trying, and me trying to put up with it, so I gave up. I broke up with her on Sunday, and she cried, and showed me emotions that I've never seen before. She is a very secure person and she has a lot of pride, so it took a lot for her to call me day after day trying to win me back after I kept rejecting her and rejecting her.

    After about 3 days, I felt that she was sincere in her motivation to change for the better so I decided to take her back. But in my head, she's on "probation" and I'm going to take it slow to see if she really is going to change. If she doesn't, I will not hesitate to leave again. I know that you're not supposed to want your partner to change, but this is something that I could not put up with. So far things are WAYYY better, and now she knows that if she goes back to that petty arguing and stuff, I'm not afraid to leave. Some might say that I now have the control of the relationship, but I rather say that I have the upper hand now.

    Never be afraid to end a relationship just because you love the girl. Seems like you've been showing her a lot of weak signs, and she's disrespecting you with the comparisons and the insults. I know you love her and don't want to lose her, but you're pushing her away by accepting her crap. That might not make sense to you, but by you staying with her and tolerating her nonsense you're showing her that she could do anything to you and you won't leave. Do you really want to be in a relationship where the girl is walking all over you? Females hate weakness in their men; they want confidence. They want a man who's going to stick up for himself and stand for something. You have not done that.

    Forget the postitives in the relationship. Right now YOU'RE obviously reasonably content since you haven't left yet, but you will eventually resent her for her treatment and you'll resent her more after she breaks up with you.

    Take the advise and break up with her ASAP; there is no other option that you should even consider. If you break up with her and she really loves you, she'll try to change her ways to make the relationship better. But if you break up with her, and she easily walks away then it proves that she lost enough interest in you that she doesn't even want to try to work it out.

    There's no progress without struggle.

  8. #8
    Member lokagirla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    puerto rico
    Posts
    34
    k, netman i agree with u in most stuff..

    Females hate weakness in their men; they want confidence
    anyone hates weakness... youll end up likin a dependant airhead otherwise.

    and well... the opportunity thing... you cant also turn into this ego thing where u r tellin the other person "mess up and ill cut ya." nobody is perfect.. and in relationships everyone has part innocence, part guilt.

    so u cant also b like "im the spr mega prize.. youre nothin... u gotta work to achieve somethin: ME!" i mean, then why do u love her in the first place? there has to b somethin that makes u go crazy... dont assume love makes ya vulnerable. when someone stops showin love then there is a problem, when they treat u like crap, call it quits. but there is always forgiveness.... dependin on how much your partner regrets his/her fault... and like netman said, how willin he/she is to change some aspect in which they are wrong... k if u give an opportunity... just know that the one that "receives" an opportunity to b with someone is also "givin" that someone the opportunity to b with him/her... cause they are still a person filled with emotions to share.

    but i do get your pic netman... thanx for clearin the control thing up.

    lokagirla.
    ~EtHeReAl Is My PrEsEnCe BeFoRe YoU~

  9. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Canada ( Montreal)
    Posts
    2

    Hi

    Thanks for all the advise, WE finally broke up,She told me I suck as a boyfrined....and she like someone else ...I just feel like a dum person

  10. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    2

    a word from a girl

    I agree with everyone that says break up with her. A girl that treats you like that is either testing to see how much she can push you around and is obviously not interested anymore. If you break up with her it shows her that you do have a life without her. by staying wiht her you are being weak and letting yourself be pushed around. if she really cared and is truly sorry shell want you back..

Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
CallChat
$3/minute
Caring professional willing to listen and help whether you're having relationship issues with parents/children/or other loved ones. Contact me now!
Online
Call
$1.75/minute
25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Intervention specialist and counselor who helps couples and families live well and love better.
Online
Chat
$2.99/minute
Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them!
Online
CallChat
$4.99/minute
ALL forms of relationship issues addressed. Marriage, Divorce, LGBT, BDSM, Alternative Lifestyle, Online Dating and Relationships, Co-Dependence, Sex Addiction
Online
CallChat
$2.85/minute
Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you.