marrying first boyfriend-pros/cons?

Hello all you thoughtful people. Please share with me the good, the bad and the ugly about marrying your first boyfriend (whatever age you were). Thanks.

I did. Had a few temptations along the way and should have heeded those warning signals as 'you need more experience, space, whatever' but of course I did not. Hence, today I am slowly learning that I do not really have an attraction to my man, but hey, he is the most wonderful man on earth (married 5 yrs, 2 great kids). No adultery yet, but I feel it is inevitable.

Hi Real Amour,

I'm glad to hear that you are in a wonderful relationship. What I don't understand is why you feel this inevitable breakdown that will cause adultry. What is the issue - you want sexual liberation and experiences? If so - can your husband not help you in this? I'm sorry, but I believe that you have made your bed and now you lie in it - especially since you claim that it is so well made at the moment.

Unless you have a problem, you should be focusing on your marraige, husband and kids. If you feel that there may be a lull in your relationship, you should be preparing to defend your relatinoship from it. Just because he was your first boyfriend, doesn't mean you should take this approach to your marraige - this is marraige we are talking about here !

Hope this helps you some,

~

There is an old saying that goes, "Men marry a woman hoping she'll never change, and women marry a man thinking she can change him." Is that what happened here? Sounds like you might just need a romance booster in your marriage..... a weekend getaway, and more time alone with him. It sounds like you're bored - tell your husband you want some more spice in your lives and you want to always keep things spontaneous, for the sake of the marriage. Marriage involves doing things we don't always have time or money for, just for the sake of the marriage. The marriage itself is something that requires a certain amount of attention or it will suffer. When neglected, the union of marriage becomes two separate people with two separate lives.... the whole idea is to share your lives. Make dates with each other and stick to them. Even if it's a cheap picnic in the park, it's something. Call each other like you used to, just to say I love you. Don't let yourselves slip into the old routines.... And that supposedly inevitable feeling that one of you will have an affair will become a thing of the past. If you keep thinking that way, you will create it in your life. You can think positive about what you have, you are lucky!

Princess777

Hello there,

I understand you are somewhat confused over your relationship with your husband. You say he is a wonderful man, but you also feel that infidelity is inevitable.

My question is, have you talked to your husband about any issues you are having in your relationship? Communication is key in any relationship and if you are unhappy, your husband should know what it is and why.

As far as marrying a first boyfriend/girlfriend, my mother and father dated from the time my mom was 13, dad was 14. They were on the verge of divorce, but it never followed through. They had a special bond as they were not only husband and wife, but also best friends. Perhaps you need to find that bond with your husband as well.

I hope this helped and I wish you luck.

I am going throught the same thing. I was with my husband 6 yrs before we became engaged. We were engaged for almost 2 yrs and then married. He was my first boyfriend we were together since we were 18. We had our problems like every other couple, but right before we got enagged i started to have second thoughts about marrying him even up to the wedding. You know, him being my first "real" boyfriend and all. But i just thought it was cold feet and all i kept telling myself was we have been togetehr almost 8 years, this has to be right! What would keep us together for so long if we weren't meant to be? Well I was wrong! I was married 9 months ago and it has been the worst 9 months of our life. I feel like this marriage was the biggest mistake i have ever made. Now what do I do? Everyone tells me to just kick him out or leave him, but that is not that easy for me because of my family back round. But the difference between me and you is I dont have any children! I think maybe you guys should consider some counseling before you do anything drastic(cheat or divorce). It can only help you! Good luck!

I don't think "first boyfriend, first girlfriend" enters into it.....if you love that person and want to be with them for the rest of your life, what's changed? I can CERTAINLY tell that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence, if that's what you're thinking. Too many people make the mistake of thinking they've sold themselves short and that there's something better out there, only to find that there ISN'T. You made your decision, and (hopefully) considered your wedding vows seriously...has that changed? Do you love him? If yes, then WORK ON IT. Tell him what's upsetting you, what you want to see changed, etc. It doesn't have to be a big battle, it CAN be a civilized discussion. But most of all.......DO YOU LOVE HIM?? If you do, then prove it. Don't give up on this marriage early on because you think there's something better out there. After all, he gave up a lot marrying you, too!