Girlfriend doesn't feel the sparks what do i do?

shadez884 · 09-02-2003, 02:27 PM

I'm really in need of some help. My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 7 months. Lately shes been telling me that she doesn't feel the "kissing chemistry/sparks" as much as she used to. I've asked her if shes losing interest and she says no she loves me more than anything but we have a problem with our kissing. How do I make her feel the sparks? How to we rebuild the sparks that come with kissing? Is it that she doesn't love me anymore? Please help me I dont know what to do.
Sincerely,
Shadez884

real amour? · 09-02-2003, 02:41 PM

Shadez884 needs to let this girl go. No sparks. No lies. No more relationship. Good girls (like me) will hang on for love and suppress or lose this spark (or it was never really there) if the guy is wonderful in every which way. I should have been more honest with my most wonderful husband because now I am married, 2 kids and oh yeah...no sparks. Problem was I was too guilty to say this and he was to wonderful (I suppose he let it continue too, like you). Let each other go and go find that spark with someone else.

As a man, how can you be really be happy and sparked if your partner is not?

SweetypieEnlightenedOne · 09-02-2003, 02:50 PM

NO offense to Real Amour but please Shades, don't take that advice only!

People can lose sparks and rekindle them as well. I think whats in order here is a little mystery to spice things up. Don't just let her go, she obviously cares and has enough respect to tell you that she doesnt feel that same spark, so why not love her and care for her enough to spice it up for her a little...huh? :P

Its not as bad as you think, women sometimes lose sparks for the following reason

1. You are smothering her
2. There is no challange
3. She is stressed out about something and doesnt feel like she can talk to you about it so your mere presence frustrates her.
4. She is having an affair

#4 is a bit extreme but even this can be fixed.

Give her a little space....
Nothing can peek the interest of the oposite sex like some space and time deprived. This can make even the most non caring person show some interest. Be nice about this but please give her some space. PM me for more suggestions if you don't know what to do already.

netman · 09-02-2003, 03:20 PM

Sweetypie is dead on (she seems to always know what she's talking about), but I would say that real amour's response should be taken if Sweetypie's suggestions fails. Once a woman loses interest or "sparks" it's pretty tough to get it back. I think that once you accept this, you should put the breaks on the relationship real quick.

Some guys (maybe most) in this situation would smother their girl and do everything (gifts, constant calls, surprise visits, etc) to try to win their girl back. I find that this actually turns women off, and if the girl stays with the guy she'll do it out of sympathy and she'll always have the upper hand in the relationship from then on. The guy (if he ever comes down from Cloud 9) will eventually realize that he lost all control of the relationship and he'll become unhappy with the situation, and he'll only have himself to blame.

If you care about her that much, then give her a little time alone to figure things out on her own. Maybe she'll realize how much of a loss it would be if you guys broke up and she'll come back strong to save the relationship. Maybe the time could help you realize what you've been doing wrong, or what you could have done differently. I find that if you give a woman the impression that you'll tolerate anything and that you'll stick around no matter what, she'll lose respect for you and may run all over you. Could it be that this has been brewing and you just didn't realize it? Have you guys had problems in the past?

slider · 09-02-2003, 04:17 PM

shadez884,

You need to create interest. How? Spend some time apart.

Some couples spend so much time together that the "spark" diminishes. My advice would be for you to get busy outside the relationship. ie. Spend more time with your friends. Get a new hobby. Hit the gym or devote more time toward your career. Let her miss you!

As one poster mentioned, you have to be a challenge on a consistent basis. The harder you try to make things work, the more you'll be pushing her away. That I can guarantee. To put it bluntly, GET A LIFE. DO NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE "HER". My apologies for the yelling.

shadez884 · 09-02-2003, 05:13 PM

First of all thanks to all of you that have replied. To clear things up a bit me an my girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago. She said she wasn't ready for the whole commitment thing. While we were apart she dated another guy and said she had sparks with him but she loved me so much that she couldn't let me go. She called me up and said she missed me like crazy and she really wanted to start over and maybe even see a counselor. So we got back together like a week ago. But shes been complaining about the kissing even before we broke up. Anymore advice?
Sincerely,
Shadez

09-02-2003, 02:27 PM	#1
shadez884 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 4	Girlfriend doesn't feel the sparks what do i do? I'm really in need of some help. My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 7 months. Lately shes been telling me that she doesn't feel the "kissing chemistry/sparks" as much as she used to. I've asked her if shes losing interest and she says no she loves me more than anything but we have a problem with our kissing. How do I make her feel the sparks? How to we rebuild the sparks that come with kissing? Is it that she doesn't love me anymore? Please help me I dont know what to do. Sincerely, Shadez884

09-02-2003, 02:41 PM	#2
real amour? Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 51	let her go Shadez884 needs to let this girl go. No sparks. No lies. No more relationship. Good girls (like me) will hang on for love and suppress or lose this spark (or it was never really there) if the guy is wonderful in every which way. I should have been more honest with my most wonderful husband because now I am married, 2 kids and oh yeah...no sparks. Problem was I was too guilty to say this and he was to wonderful (I suppose he let it continue too, like you). Let each other go and go find that spark with someone else. As a man, how can you be really be happy and sparked if your partner is not?

09-02-2003, 05:13 PM	#6
shadez884 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 4	thanks First of all thanks to all of you that have replied. To clear things up a bit me an my girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago. She said she wasn't ready for the whole commitment thing. While we were apart she dated another guy and said she had sparks with him but she loved me so much that she couldn't let me go. She called me up and said she missed me like crazy and she really wanted to start over and maybe even see a counselor. So we got back together like a week ago. But shes been complaining about the kissing even before we broke up. Anymore advice? Sincerely, Shadez

09-02-2003, 02:50 PM	#3
SweetypieEnlightenedOne Offline Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 393	NO offense to Real Amour but please Shades, don't take that advice only! People can lose sparks and rekindle them as well. I think whats in order here is a little mystery to spice things up. Don't just let her go, she obviously cares and has enough respect to tell you that she doesnt feel that same spark, so why not love her and care for her enough to spice it up for her a little...huh? :P Its not as bad as you think, women sometimes lose sparks for the following reason 1. You are smothering her 2. There is no challange 3. She is stressed out about something and doesnt feel like she can talk to you about it so your mere presence frustrates her. 4. She is having an affair #4 is a bit extreme but even this can be fixed. Give her a little space.... Nothing can peek the interest of the oposite sex like some space and time deprived. This can make even the most non caring person show some interest. Be nice about this but please give her some space. PM me for more suggestions if you don't know what to do already.

09-02-2003, 03:20 PM	#4
netman Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 138	Sweetypie is dead on (she seems to always know what she's talking about), but I would say that real amour's response should be taken if Sweetypie's suggestions fails. Once a woman loses interest or "sparks" it's pretty tough to get it back. I think that once you accept this, you should put the breaks on the relationship real quick. Some guys (maybe most) in this situation would smother their girl and do everything (gifts, constant calls, surprise visits, etc) to try to win their girl back. I find that this actually turns women off, and if the girl stays with the guy she'll do it out of sympathy and she'll always have the upper hand in the relationship from then on. The guy (if he ever comes down from Cloud 9) will eventually realize that he lost all control of the relationship and he'll become unhappy with the situation, and he'll only have himself to blame. If you care about her that much, then give her a little time alone to figure things out on her own. Maybe she'll realize how much of a loss it would be if you guys broke up and she'll come back strong to save the relationship. Maybe the time could help you realize what you've been doing wrong, or what you could have done differently. I find that if you give a woman the impression that you'll tolerate anything and that you'll stick around no matter what, she'll lose respect for you and may run all over you. Could it be that this has been brewing and you just didn't realize it? Have you guys had problems in the past?

09-02-2003, 04:17 PM	#5
slider Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 78	shadez884, You need to create interest. How? Spend some time apart. Some couples spend so much time together that the "spark" diminishes. My advice would be for you to get busy outside the relationship. ie. Spend more time with your friends. Get a new hobby. Hit the gym or devote more time toward your career. Let her miss you! As one poster mentioned, you have to be a challenge on a consistent basis. The harder you try to make things work, the more you'll be pushing her away. That I can guarantee. To put it bluntly, GET A LIFE. DO NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE "HER". My apologies for the yelling.