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  1. #1
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    Aug 2003
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    Cheating boyfriend gave me an STD

    This has been the most stressful week of my life... one of those weeks where neither cigarettes nor chocolate can possibly save me. It started off with my vagina being sad. She just wasn't being herself. And then the sores started... and the painful, painful urination. I started feeling completely sick all over. I discussed this with my boyfriend (of 3 years now). He, too, had developed itchy spots all over his groin area. It seemed that we had gotten an STD, but how, we didn't know! We decided to go to a free county health clinic at the end of the week, when we both had time to go together. Then, the day before our appointment, I was in unbelieveable pain, and cried as he held me... and then he told me: earlier in the month he had slept with another woman. I truly wanted to die... and still do. I went to my own doctor, without him. She tested me for every STD, and she informed me that this was probably herpes. Herpes! Oh God, how can I live with this?! The probing, the testing, the horribly news, and now the long wait for the results... it's all killing me. I live with my boyfriend, so he is still around... I basically didn't kick him out because I feel so alone -- there is no one else in the world I can talk to about this! He tells me how guilty and sorry he feels... but then tells me how much he loves me... obviously I don't believe that, but I'm afraid that if I send him away too quickly, the loneliness will be even worse. I feel so much shame, and so much anger... I am in an incredible amount of pain, and I feel like it's not even my fault. I pray every minute that whatever I have is cureable, then I imagine making my boyfriend pay for all my medical bills, then dumping his ass in a most insensitive way once I fully recover. But then, what if it is herpes? What if I have an incurable disease? How will anyone want to be with me if I am diseased?! I am physically and emotionally drained, and just want to die. I don't know what advice I'm looking for exactly... maybe there's someone out there with a similar story? Someone who can make me feel better and less alone? If you're out there, please help.

  2. #2
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    Jan 2003
    Location
    California,USA
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    yes, ther are people out there. I am one. If you ever need to talk about this, please feel free to message me or talk to me on AIM. I know how horrible you must feel. I am sorry you have to go through this. Try to work things out with your boyfriend. One rule that I have learned recently is that everybody deserves a second chance. Even if what they have done is the most awful thing you can imagine. People Do change their behavior. I will be happy to talk to you.
    Be not afraid of going slowly, only standing still.

    Strengths measured not by holding on, but by letting go.

  3. #3
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    Jan 2003
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    Hello Suzie,

    First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to read what happened to you. I understand that you feel really bad and hurt at the moment. I also understand that you're very worried over your future.

    Although what happened to you is a bad situation, I can tell you that most STDs are easy to heal from. Herpes and AIDS are not cureable, though. However, with herpes the symptons can be taken away. The virus will always remain in your body, though.

    I hope that this background information helped you a little on your way. I wish you strength and good luck.

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
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    Aug 2003
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    Yes, I have done some serious research on Herpes over the past few days... I thought educating myself about the disease would help ease my mind, but it really hasn't. I feel like I'll never be the same again... I already feel like a different person, and like none of good deeds and accomplishments ever mattered... Bad things can and will always happen to good people.

    I hate my boyfriend so much. I cannot believe I trusted him with my heart, my health, and my whole life. I don't know what to do. I really want to tell him off and throw him out... but I'm also being selfish by keeping him here... the thought in my mind is that no man will ever love me now that I'm diseased. No person on this earth will ever want to be intimate with me again!

    Should I kick out the man who ruined me? Or should I keep the only person I can confide in about this disease?

  5. #5
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    Aug 2003
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    You said yourself you can't believe you trusted him with your health. Not only did he cheat on you, but he gave you a disease. He doesn't deserve to be with you anymore. Throw him out, you deserve better.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2003
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    8
    Tough situation. My advice would be to pray about it. I believe, personally, that many big events in our lives happen for a reason. We don't get the job we needed, we didn't get the big promotion, we got turned down from the college we dreamed about - bad happens all the time, but it happens for a reason.

    You will find "the one". What is meant to be will be. The good news is that once you do find "the one", everything will be fine. In today's day and age, medicines are out there that you can take and never show symptoms of herpes. Also realize that you are not the only person on earth with herpes. Information from the San Francisco City Clinic (link below) states that 50 to 80% of people in the US have oral herpes, and 1 in every 5 people has genital herpes, of which 90% do not know they have it. 1 in every 5 people!! You are not alone.
    Just realize that everything happens for a reason - especially the really bad stuff sometimes. Don't let it get you down and always remember who you are in your heart - who you are in your mind, what your values are, and what you believe in. If you do that, everything will come out in the wash.

    I wish you nothing but the best - just give yourself time,
    -td

    dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/stdbasics/herpes.asp

  7. #7
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    Sep 2003
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    fgsg

    i was in tears when i read your post i really want you to know that if you EVER feel like getting something off your chest or want someone to talk to plz think of me my e-mail is m79guy@hotamil.com i am so sorry to hear what what happened

    sincerley , Gerard

  8. #8
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    Oct 2003
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    1

    You are not alone

    It was maybe 2 months back when my boyfriend called me and told me he had something to tell me. He claimed he had found out that his ex had been cheating on him so had gone to check for STDs and found he had herpes. And all the time while he suspected he might have gotten something, he still had unprotected sex with me. When he finally confessed to me, his excuses ranged from "i thought you'd probably have gotten somthing already, so it didn't matter" to "i didn't want to lose you". I remembered he had told me a while back that he had followed friends to prostitutes, but had done nothing while there. I was a fool to believe him, and an even greater fool to forgive him hours after he confessed. Subsequently, i went for tests and the results came out negative. But ironically, i stayed with him, and continued to have unprotected sex because i thought that it didn't matter since i wanted to spend my life with him. Now he wants to dump me becoz of trivial reasons...i feel so cheated. I sacrificed my health for him and he wasn't even willing to fight for the relationship.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2003
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    STDs, cheationg and all that

    Yeah, Cheating is bad, but in every instance that I've seen there are contibuting factors that make the infidelity not solely the burden of the unfathful. Granted, It is wrong, it IS a decision, however faulty a decision it may be.

    I'm figuring it's genital Herpes, yeah that sux, but suppressive and outbreak therapies have come along way. I deal with Simplex 1 - damn cold sores, had it since birth, they show up now and again, I feel mortified and pissed off for about 10 days and then It's back to normal.

    I know it's hard to feel "diseased" but EVeRY single Person on the face of the planet is ill with some nastiness sometime in their life. STDs are the smartest of virii. They attack us when we're most vulnerable, and then Never let go! Take Clamydia for example... NO SYMPTOMS, but renders women Sterile!! Herpes can't be detected in my system even IN the presence of an outbreak, I have a rare case. I'd bet most people wouldn't know gonnorhea if crawled up their butt and pitched a tent!

    We're all disgusting dirty humans! Remember the Matrix, Smith couldn't stand the smell! I'd date you even if you were HIV positive! Who cares if you have Herpes, so long as it doesn't Have you!!

    Oh and your boyfriend... Decide for yourself, or seek a professionals help to make the decision. People here, your friends, really any layperson will bring all of their own emotional baggage to the table and project their own insecurities onto your situation. Seeking advice from friends is at best risky.
    Towels Should be hung up, Not people.

  10. #10
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    Oct 2003
    Location
    Chicago, IL
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    327

    Hang in there

    After you dump this guy who gave you the STD, and when you meet the person who loves you, and you tell him that you have herpes, believe me, that love will not go away. He will stand with you.

    After you get married, have kids or whatever... build a home, your herpes will just be a small, tiny problem, compared to lifes bigger issues.
    There are some GREAT medications for herpes out there as well.

    The only tragedy would be if you stayed with this guy and let the herpes dictate your future decisions. Don't for one-second tell yourself you need to keep this guy in your life because he's the only one who will want to be with you.

    Fact is, I would marry a girl with an STD if I loved her. So would 99% of the rest of the world.

    Dump the guy. Get medical help. Enjoy your life!

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