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  1. #1
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    Jul 2003
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    4

    I just found out my boyfriend is gay.

    My boyfriend told me a few weeks ago that he was gay, but I had to drag it out of him because he did not want to tell me. He has not told this to anyone else. We are still together and have been for three years. He has been hiding it all his life and supressed it. I became friends with him and was immediately attracted to him. We began to date and fell in love. He fell in love with me and wanted to be with me more than anything, so he planned on never going with his feelings deep inside that he could never be physically attracted to me. We are both hurting beyond words, but still love each other and never want to be parted. We have to deal with never being able to get married, because it just wouldn't be the right thing to do to each other. We are throwing away ours dreams because of this, and we do not blame anything on each other. We love eah other more than we love anyone or anything else, and plan never to be parted. We still feel we belong to each other even though we have this huge bump to get over in our relationship together. We still plan to have children together, because we feel we owe that to each other to procreate and have someone that is both of us to raise as our own. We are kinda like the show "Will and Grace" if you wanted an analogy. Is there anyone out there that knows what I am feeling? If there is please reply.

  2. #2
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    Jul 2003
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    9

    well...

    i think that what happened to you and your boyfriend is most unfortunate. i cannot relate because i have never been able to make that kind of connection with anyone. but i can tell you this much that i believe- beyond this body there is a soul and that soul is less- with a personality that describes a gender that is not stuck with the simplistic labels of man and woman. you are you and i am me- and that is what makes us unique and sentient. and i do believe in soulmates- two people that are so much alike that there physicality is transcended by there spirituality- now i am not a supernatural nut or anything- i dont believe in ghost or anything- you can call it a spirit, or even your substance- which is deeper than what your composition consists of- it is the inmeasurable essence that make you- you! so i think there is nothing wrong with you and this guy staying together! as far as children- well- you have to think of them- as long as you can love each other i would think that it is okay- but you have to remember that children are fragile and the truth may hurt them. also you need to think of yourself- i dont know how old you are but you you sound young (which is what i am) and youll have to live with the fact that your boyfriend will not be attracted to you when you go about bringing the kids into this world! and my question is this also- suppose a guy comes along that your boyfriend is attracted to- that is he to do??? is he to lose his uality??? maybe you may want to think about that- because is a description of love but love is not a description of love- get it- youll be ual just to be ual. and i personally couldnt be ual with my best friend. you see- this is confusing. you need to do some soul searching- cause it is you that makes the decision- and it sounds like your mind is made up! but i am trying to help. you dont want to invest in something that may hurt in the long run- you know- three years is alot- but 50, 60, ect years is so much more to live that life. what if a guy comes along who is so eager to grow in love with you- and is attracted to you??? do you give up something that could go beyond what you have now??? i dunno what i would do- but i would think about it long and hard- you sound smart and eager to find out what is right- only you can decide that!!!
    goodluck- follow your heart- but also listen to your head!!!!
    nite-nite
    Joe
    If youre after getting the honey- then ya dont go killin all the bees.

  3. #3
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    Jul 2003
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    ok......

    There is nothing that can surpass what I have now. And there is probably no person out there that can understand that. We have shared so much together and we have become one in the same person. My delimma is if someone does come along for the both of us they will also never understand that we are soulmates and will mean more to each other than they will ever know. Sex is not an issue here. It never was. I love my boyfriend because of who he is to me, not what he can or can't do for me. God gave us each other and each others undying and unconditional love for a reason. He is my soulmate, and I am his. Thanks for replying I appreciate it.

  4. #4
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    Aug 2003
    Location
    Sulphur Louisiana
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    Wow we both have gay boyfriends...

    I thought i was the only person going through something like you.. i am so depressed. my boyfriend just told me he as gay about 2 weeks ago. he still tells me he loves me more than anyone i the world, but he cant be with me because he is sexually attracted to men. He tells me he sees us together in the future..with children and mariage maybe..I am trying to help him through this the best that i can. for now i am being his friend. he really needs one because nobody but i knws he is gay. but anytime u need to talk about anything..email me or something. i am going through the same as you also so i would love to talk.... 3 yearsand he finaly admitted he was gay.. im sorry.. my bf and i were together for two years before he told me and i was and still am very shocked. i am just hoping this is a faze.

  5. #5
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    Aug 2003
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    16

    this i can help with

    i was in the same situation as your boyfreind when i figgured out i was gay. unfortunatly the girl was a b@tch and she told everyone i knew. so heres the deal.... your ex-boyfreind is going through a hard time right now and the best thing you can do i be his freind. talk to him. let him tell you stuff no matter how weird it is. you guys must have something in common if you went out in the first place. just be nice you obviously are if your asking all of us. just talk to him!!
    Im gay! (just so you know)

  6. #6
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    Sep 2003
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    Alex is right

    Right now your boyfriends are going through a very difficult time and what they need most is some sense of familiar structure. While it's possible that he is bisexual and going through a male/male awakening of sorts, it's more likely that this is not a phase and that he's going to be who he is, no matter how much he (or anyone else) might want otherwise. The heart is genderless. Just love.
    -Rob

  7. #7
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    Sep 2003
    Location
    nicosia,cyprus
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    23

    if you dearly love him forget that his gay!

    since you love him help him first by satisfying his needs, for him to forget his fantasis about boys or men then if it didnt work out try to talk to him and ask him if he wanted to go on straight or live in gay life its difficult thing to do i know but you cant have a husband by morning and a sister by night or ask yourself if your ready to admit that your boyfriend gay willing to have his children as what you have told us and live a normal life with him

  8. #8
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    Jul 2003
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    I am not sure I understand?

    to the last post what exactly do you mean? i am about ready to just give up on me completely this is the deepest pain ever and I don't know if I can deal anymore. i really do love him more than anything but without him i am lost. and never in my life have i actually felt for anyone. i am about ready to just give up and i don't know what will happen to me when he starts to date in a few years i honestly don't think i can take it. i am not a strong person and i am at my wits end and ready to give up completely and do something. i wish someone understood that i really hurt. to the point where i hurt myself i am scared i will do something to myself.

  9. #9
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    Dec 2003
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    1

    Girl dating a bi guy

    JSUMELLOKATIE:
    I saw your post when I was seeking an answer to my dilemma. I am a girl going out with a guy who told me he is bi when we first met. We were friends for 4 months, we have EVERYTHING in common, get along great, and really care about each other. I started to fall for him, then he said he felt something more, so he finally asked me if I wanted to try it out, meaning a relationship. Everything's great, but here's the problem: although he doesn't tell me, I am sure that he prefers men. He has had girlfriends in the past, but that doesn't mean anything. A guy can be gay and just not realize, or is denying it. All the signs point to it: he looks at guys more than girls, 99% of his friends are gay, and much to my dismay, he really doesn't jump at the chance (and I've given him lots of chances) to make love to me. We have fooled around, but something told me his heart wasn't in it. And it's not me, because my ex-husband jumped on me every time I so much as gave him a sexy look. For Pete's sake, I undressed in front of him yesterday and he didn't even look up from the computer!!
    Also, people that know he's bi tell me it won't work, because bisexual people will always be confused and want both, but never just one gender in a relationship. I am so scared that one day he will decide that he really does prefer men, and leave me, because I know he would never cheat on me.
    What to do? I think I'm falling in love with him, but I don't want to let my shields down in case of this happening later. How is your relationship going? How does your boyfriend feel about the whole thing?
    Sorry this is so long, but I really needed to pour my heart out to someone. Please email me if you can, and we can commiserate.

  10. #10
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    Feb 2004
    Location
    Tulsa, OK
    Age
    32
    Posts
    2
    I know you posted this a while ago but I just noticed that by boyfriend has been seeing a bi-male, supposedly his friend. But then I noticed that he was a member of a online bi/gay male group. He denies that his friend is gay but I know better. How did you deal. How did you confront him? We split up once before and I could not handle it. I don't know if I can handle losing him again.

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