My 12 year old daughter is experimenting with same sex

stph974 · 07-27-2003, 04:24 PM

I am an extremely concerned parent of a beautiful 12 year old daughter. My daughter is very open with me and shares everything, even things that I shouldn't know. I have told her that masturbating alone, is normal...but she insists in telling me when she has. She says she feels she has to tell me, then feels better after telling me. I tell her, that it isn't necessary to tell me and that it is private with her only...but she still does tell me (told me about 4 times).

The bigger problem is, she is exploring with other children sexually, all girls of the same sex and about a few years younger than her. She had done things with someone her age and it got around the school. My daughter is too trusting and confided in a so called friend. Now they call her lezzi. I have up until now, told her that she is not a bad person, but that all children do this and it is called exploring. But she has explored with these girls too much in my opinion and I have now punished her to her room to think about this. I am not her favourite person right now, but I am the parent in hopes of finding the answer to this. Should I be concerned? Should I seek professional help for her? I am not a stupid woman and I know that sexual exploring of young children is normal and we all went through it, me included. My concern is that this has been going on for a few years now. Will she grow out of this....or is it time to get help before she does this with a few five year olds that she plays with.

Waiting for your response!

SwingFox · 07-27-2003, 04:44 PM

Hi stph974,

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. You have some issue at hand here and I compliment you with the way you handle this level-headed. I understand that your daughter is into sexually experementing and that you are very concerned over this.

My suggestion is to seek help for her. She might or might not need the help, but at least you feel more confident when asking for professional help in this. I would start with your doctor. If your daughter starts this with 5yr olds, some legal issues might come around, too. You don't want to get involved in that. I am also very concerned that if she is too trusting she might get in trouble on later issue, in combination with this exploring. With that I mean that she might become a victim of rape ... or loosing her virginity to soon.

I advice you to stay in very close communication with your daughter. If you didn't already, you might need to take action and tell her about the 'birds and bees' as well and the risks that are involved.

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck

~ SwingFox ~

atticus · 07-27-2003, 05:50 PM

ok, well this is the point of view of a 15 year old guy...

anyway, i agree with what SwingFox said...

but if she still has the kind of... attracted to girls instead of boys kinda way, after seeing the doctor or something, then really, (i know this is easier for me to say, than for a parent to do) i think you should have to put up with it, there are lots of girls who are interested in girls, some even in boys and girls, my ex-girlfriend, and now best friend had things with other girls before, and it doesn't make her any less of what she is, she's a great girl...
and i know a couple of girls who are like that, and they're great people...

now again, that's what i think of my friends, and my ex-girlfriend, we've developed a relationship like sister and brother.... so she's like a sister to me, and this is just my point of view, seeing her as a good friend / sister...

and i can imagine, it is VERY different and difficult as a parent... of course you might want to talk to your daughter about this subject a lot, but if that's what she wants, then you should want the best for her...

but that's only if she still acts that way in a while...

right now i think you should see a doctor, and things like that... becuase experimenting is fine, but with younger children, (especially if she's only 12...) aint that good....

i'm sorry if i said things you wouldn't want to hear, but that's what i think, and i hope that you get everything sorted out, things will work out, don't worry...

i hope i helped a bit, i'm not sure if i did..

i wish you good luck.

later.

Jamiegirl · 07-27-2003, 09:04 PM

Maybe you should monitor it (like when she tells you) just see if shes doing it more often or if she doesnt stop soon then maybe you should seek help, but its all up to you you know whats best and you should just listen to your instict because this is such a touchy subject. GOOD LUCK!!!

07-27-2003, 04:24 PM	#1
stph974 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1	My 12 year old daughter is experimenting with same sex I am an extremely concerned parent of a beautiful 12 year old daughter. My daughter is very open with me and shares everything, even things that I shouldn't know. I have told her that masturbating alone, is normal...but she insists in telling me when she has. She says she feels she has to tell me, then feels better after telling me. I tell her, that it isn't necessary to tell me and that it is private with her only...but she still does tell me (told me about 4 times). The bigger problem is, she is exploring with other children sexually, all girls of the same sex and about a few years younger than her. She had done things with someone her age and it got around the school. My daughter is too trusting and confided in a so called friend. Now they call her lezzi. I have up until now, told her that she is not a bad person, but that all children do this and it is called exploring. But she has explored with these girls too much in my opinion and I have now punished her to her room to think about this. I am not her favourite person right now, but I am the parent in hopes of finding the answer to this. Should I be concerned? Should I seek professional help for her? I am not a stupid woman and I know that sexual exploring of young children is normal and we all went through it, me included. My concern is that this has been going on for a few years now. Will she grow out of this....or is it time to get help before she does this with a few five year olds that she plays with. Waiting for your response!

07-27-2003, 09:04 PM	#4
Jamiegirl Offline Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Sacramento Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 207	Maybe you should monitor it (like when she tells you) just see if shes doing it more often or if she doesnt stop soon then maybe you should seek help, but its all up to you you know whats best and you should just listen to your instict because this is such a touchy subject. GOOD LUCK!!! __________________ ~Jamie

07-27-2003, 04:44 PM	#2
SwingFox Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 2,236	Hi stph974, First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. You have some issue at hand here and I compliment you with the way you handle this level-headed. I understand that your daughter is into sexually experementing and that you are very concerned over this. My suggestion is to seek help for her. She might or might not need the help, but at least you feel more confident when asking for professional help in this. I would start with your doctor. If your daughter starts this with 5yr olds, some legal issues might come around, too. You don't want to get involved in that. I am also very concerned that if she is too trusting she might get in trouble on later issue, in combination with this exploring. With that I mean that she might become a victim of rape ... or loosing her virginity to soon. I advice you to stay in very close communication with your daughter. If you didn't already, you might need to take action and tell her about the 'birds and bees' as well and the risks that are involved. I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck ~ SwingFox ~

07-27-2003, 05:50 PM	#3
atticus Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Vancouver Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 231	ok, well this is the point of view of a 15 year old guy... anyway, i agree with what SwingFox said... but if she still has the kind of... attracted to girls instead of boys kinda way, after seeing the doctor or something, then really, (i know this is easier for me to say, than for a parent to do) i think you should have to put up with it, there are lots of girls who are interested in girls, some even in boys and girls, my ex-girlfriend, and now best friend had things with other girls before, and it doesn't make her any less of what she is, she's a great girl... and i know a couple of girls who are like that, and they're great people... now again, that's what i think of my friends, and my ex-girlfriend, we've developed a relationship like sister and brother.... so she's like a sister to me, and this is just my point of view, seeing her as a good friend / sister... and i can imagine, it is VERY different and difficult as a parent... of course you might want to talk to your daughter about this subject a lot, but if that's what she wants, then you should want the best for her... but that's only if she still acts that way in a while... right now i think you should see a doctor, and things like that... becuase experimenting is fine, but with younger children, (especially if she's only 12...) aint that good.... i'm sorry if i said things you wouldn't want to hear, but that's what i think, and i hope that you get everything sorted out, things will work out, don't worry... i hope i helped a bit, i'm not sure if i did.. i wish you good luck. later.