HELP! Double whammy! LDR & MLC (midlife crisis)

justhoping · 09-08-2002, 03:11 AM

I'm dealing with LDR AND MLC (midlife crisis)

Last October I took a contract job on the opposite coast from my fiance. We had been engaged for only 2 months at that time, date has been set for July 2003. We are not kids, I'm 45 and he just turned 40 last week. This will be a second marriage for us both, we also divorced in the same year, 1986.

For the first 7 months of our seperation, we talked on the phone and/or played games on the internet up to 5 hours at a time. No probs, no spats, everything was just fine.

Then like a bolt of lightning, his communications practically stopped with no real reason. His behavior distant and indifferent. I have since discoverd that he is quite possibly in a MLC. But given the circumstances, I'd probably run for my life too.

His only child (he's a single parent) graduates from h.s. May 2003 & enters the military 3 weeks later. He's leaving his hometown of 40 years, his job of 21 years, marrying me in a foreign country within a month of arriving out here, selling his property there, buying a new house here and starting a "new" business in a "new" part of the country.

He has taken up golf, says it's like a drug. No OW (other woman) at this time (I have spies). Two weeks ago he admitted over the phone that recently he's been dazed and confused, memory probs, no real sense of time, and depression.

Couple of days later in an e-mail, he asked me for forgiveness, promised to make it up to me (he forgot my birthday)and asked me not to hate him. I have not heard from him since, 2-3 weeks now seperate our talks.

When I do talk with him, there is really no change in his attitude, he assures me that "we are fine", that I'm over-reacting, that he'll settle back into a routine once school starts. I am flying back east on Thursday for a 4-day visit. This is our first face-to-face since he lost his mind. I hope he remembers, afterall, he did forget my birthday.

How do I handle this LDR with a MLC partner? I don't want to 'push" and drive him further away. But we need to settle some "rest of our lives" questions. Do I continue to plan the wedding? Do I continue the search for suitable housing for the both of us? Do I continue the R&D for our new business? How do I approach him with these questions? I need to know and really pretty soon.

This temporary insanity that MLC brings on coupled with the LDR has left me "walking on eggshells", I also find myself holding my breath a lot. and second guessing everything. I love him, he is my true love. And, I know that deep down his feelings for me have not changed, he's just haveing a hard time expressing them.

Please, any advice? suggestions? I am open to all comments. Thank you so much!

justhoping (for the best!)

Gilgamesh · 03-06-2003, 08:07 AM

i would lay off the marriage stuff right now, it could be he is going through a phase. it may or may not have anything to do with his age, most guys with MLC will just go out and try picking up younger women, so they can boost their egos, not go play golf.

Also, that thing about the birthday, ah, hes a guy, lol, i do it too, shoot I have even forgotten my own birthday! lol.

Id give him some time, let him work through the conflicts going through his head, he will come out of it eventually, but stop the clock, that pressure could force him to make an impulsive decision.

09-08-2002, 03:11 AM	#1
justhoping Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Portland Posts: 1	HELP! Double whammy! LDR & MLC (midlife crisis) I'm dealing with LDR AND MLC (midlife crisis) Last October I took a contract job on the opposite coast from my fiance. We had been engaged for only 2 months at that time, date has been set for July 2003. We are not kids, I'm 45 and he just turned 40 last week. This will be a second marriage for us both, we also divorced in the same year, 1986. For the first 7 months of our seperation, we talked on the phone and/or played games on the internet up to 5 hours at a time. No probs, no spats, everything was just fine. Then like a bolt of lightning, his communications practically stopped with no real reason. His behavior distant and indifferent. I have since discoverd that he is quite possibly in a MLC. But given the circumstances, I'd probably run for my life too. His only child (he's a single parent) graduates from h.s. May 2003 & enters the military 3 weeks later. He's leaving his hometown of 40 years, his job of 21 years, marrying me in a foreign country within a month of arriving out here, selling his property there, buying a new house here and starting a "new" business in a "new" part of the country. He has taken up golf, says it's like a drug. No OW (other woman) at this time (I have spies). Two weeks ago he admitted over the phone that recently he's been dazed and confused, memory probs, no real sense of time, and depression. Couple of days later in an e-mail, he asked me for forgiveness, promised to make it up to me (he forgot my birthday)and asked me not to hate him. I have not heard from him since, 2-3 weeks now seperate our talks. When I do talk with him, there is really no change in his attitude, he assures me that "we are fine", that I'm over-reacting, that he'll settle back into a routine once school starts. I am flying back east on Thursday for a 4-day visit. This is our first face-to-face since he lost his mind. I hope he remembers, afterall, he did forget my birthday. How do I handle this LDR with a MLC partner? I don't want to 'push" and drive him further away. But we need to settle some "rest of our lives" questions. Do I continue to plan the wedding? Do I continue the search for suitable housing for the both of us? Do I continue the R&D for our new business? How do I approach him with these questions? I need to know and really pretty soon. This temporary insanity that MLC brings on coupled with the LDR has left me "walking on eggshells", I also find myself holding my breath a lot. and second guessing everything. I love him, he is my true love. And, I know that deep down his feelings for me have not changed, he's just haveing a hard time expressing them. Please, any advice? suggestions? I am open to all comments. Thank you so much! justhoping (for the best!)

03-06-2003, 08:07 AM	#2
Gilgamesh Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Caribbean Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 1,647	i would lay off the marriage stuff right now, it could be he is going through a phase. it may or may not have anything to do with his age, most guys with MLC will just go out and try picking up younger women, so they can boost their egos, not go play golf. Also, that thing about the birthday, ah, hes a guy, lol, i do it too, shoot I have even forgotten my own birthday! lol. Id give him some time, let him work through the conflicts going through his head, he will come out of it eventually, but stop the clock, that pressure could force him to make an impulsive decision. __________________ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.