What really is happiness?

cateyes · 07-02-2002, 08:13 AM

Well let me start off from the beginning;
about 4years ago,about 2 years into my relationship, a friend was having a new years party and my boyfriend and I decided to go. Alot of the people there were friends of his that I had never met before.We went, and towards the end of the night i had met a friend of his that we really hit it off. Let me just explain, my boyfriend is kind of a quiet guy that I have a little difficulty keeping long conversations-you know kinda like girl talks.I cared for him alot but this guy call him smooth but we had so much in comman and and I had really enjoyed his presence. Anyway, after having a few drinks and with no one around, we had sex. I was so upset the next day and this guy and I had agreed to never discuss what had happened and forget the whole thing. Maybe that was my biggest problem. Years went by, my boyfriend and I got married and the secret remained.My husband is wonderful.He does alot of things for me( I guess that's his way of showing his feelings)but still I guess the passion may not be at it's best. Connections are not something that can be forced on.Anyway, one night this friend of his comes over(we see him alot-my husband plays hockey with him and they hang out regularly)we were playing cards, had a few drinks, joking around, my husband requests that we play strip poker!!

Well unfortunatly one thing led to another and a threesome happened. My husband figured that this would be something that I would like but that it was merely just like a game.Regardless, it happened, i had felt so confused the nest day and my husband and I pledged to never do that sort of thing again. That it only put a strain on our relationship. Mind you if it was to ever happen, this guy would of been the person to have it with (because I feel so comfortable with him).Well since then, this friend of his and I have talked in many deep converstions occationaly going in more over my head by pulling each other aside in a room and passionately kissing each other. Not to mention this guy will getting married in about a month. We also talked about that and he says that if he has this uncontrollable connection with me how can he be getting married. That he had pledged to himself that he would make sure when he would get married that he would have this with his fiance.(He has been with her for 11 years off and on)It's hard to explain, I love my husband dearly and this guy does not want to come between my marraige but we can not understand how we can feel so strongly.I've relized that it has nothing to do with sex but that when we talk we can almost read each others mind, finish each others sentances and feel so happy.Why is this? I feel so guilty. I love my husband- we talked about what we both want in a realtionship and in the bedroom but feelings can not be roleplayed.This guy is going to continue to get married despite this confustion but has mentioned sort of an affair. Not for sex though but just occational converstaions.I don't know what to do.Should we ignore these feelings? Is this normal? Should I even be married? Help!!!!!!!I feel so lost.

sisterlynch · 10-25-2002, 01:37 PM

I disagree with two of your statements and I think that you are kidding yourself if you feel that you are a grown woman and are able to love someone who you don't respect and have sex with another. That is crazy! You are making yourself crazy by your actions and lack of judgement. Could you be an alcoholic or depressed? Feelings cannot be role-played? What do you think that you are doing? You act one way with your husband and act another with your lover? That is not role-playing? What about having sex with your lover right in front of your husband? What do you think that your husband is doing when you are always ending up in the arms of his skating buddies!

knightbear · 02-21-2003, 03:00 PM

sad person {be nice nice nice}
you are very wrong ......you give man or woman a bad name.......how can you sleep at nite........look at your life and really think about wihat you are doing.........you need to come clean with husband ....maybe he will keep but i would not after all that......i am sorry to sound mean but what you did is wrong to the core

Texas Consultant · 12-01-2003, 06:18 PM

Practically speaking, you may decide to marry one person but you're going to have lust or feelings, possibly, for others. The question then becomes impulse control. Do you want to be married? If so, you've probably got to give up taking a pounding from this other fellow. If you're sticking with your boyfriend because it's "the smart thing to do," ask yourself, are you shopping for tomatoes or love? If you're looking for tomatoes, you have to compare price and availability, but with love, there's more flexibility and higher cost. Best of luck.

revdeluka · 02-08-2004, 04:11 PM

let me see if i got you right. you had a threesome? you your husband and his buddy? men that is really messed up. if he can let his friend have a piece of you in front of him i think that the two of you are messed up. and why act like you are confused? you pound man B but married to man A. this only means one thing, you are using them both for whatever reasons. there is only one solution, get rid of your conscience and youll be fine. but you know what, i am not in any position to judge u, just get rid of any human feelings and then you can pull what ever stunt your flesh desires

07-02-2002, 08:13 AM	#1
cateyes Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1	What really is happiness? Well let me start off from the beginning; about 4years ago,about 2 years into my relationship, a friend was having a new years party and my boyfriend and I decided to go. Alot of the people there were friends of his that I had never met before.We went, and towards the end of the night i had met a friend of his that we really hit it off. Let me just explain, my boyfriend is kind of a quiet guy that I have a little difficulty keeping long conversations-you know kinda like girl talks.I cared for him alot but this guy call him smooth but we had so much in comman and and I had really enjoyed his presence. Anyway, after having a few drinks and with no one around, we had sex. I was so upset the next day and this guy and I had agreed to never discuss what had happened and forget the whole thing. Maybe that was my biggest problem. Years went by, my boyfriend and I got married and the secret remained.My husband is wonderful.He does alot of things for me( I guess that's his way of showing his feelings)but still I guess the passion may not be at it's best. Connections are not something that can be forced on.Anyway, one night this friend of his comes over(we see him alot-my husband plays hockey with him and they hang out regularly)we were playing cards, had a few drinks, joking around, my husband requests that we play strip poker!! Well unfortunatly one thing led to another and a threesome happened. My husband figured that this would be something that I would like but that it was merely just like a game.Regardless, it happened, i had felt so confused the nest day and my husband and I pledged to never do that sort of thing again. That it only put a strain on our relationship. Mind you if it was to ever happen, this guy would of been the person to have it with (because I feel so comfortable with him).Well since then, this friend of his and I have talked in many deep converstions occationaly going in more over my head by pulling each other aside in a room and passionately kissing each other. Not to mention this guy will getting married in about a month. We also talked about that and he says that if he has this uncontrollable connection with me how can he be getting married. That he had pledged to himself that he would make sure when he would get married that he would have this with his fiance.(He has been with her for 11 years off and on)It's hard to explain, I love my husband dearly and this guy does not want to come between my marraige but we can not understand how we can feel so strongly.I've relized that it has nothing to do with sex but that when we talk we can almost read each others mind, finish each others sentances and feel so happy.Why is this? I feel so guilty. I love my husband- we talked about what we both want in a realtionship and in the bedroom but feelings can not be roleplayed.This guy is going to continue to get married despite this confustion but has mentioned sort of an affair. Not for sex though but just occational converstaions.I don't know what to do.Should we ignore these feelings? Is this normal? Should I even be married? Help!!!!!!!I feel so lost.

10-25-2002, 01:37 PM	#2
sisterlynch Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: NorCal Posts: 2,187	feeling confused I disagree with two of your statements and I think that you are kidding yourself if you feel that you are a grown woman and are able to love someone who you don't respect and have sex with another. That is crazy! You are making yourself crazy by your actions and lack of judgement. Could you be an alcoholic or depressed? Feelings cannot be role-played? What do you think that you are doing? You act one way with your husband and act another with your lover? That is not role-playing? What about having sex with your lover right in front of your husband? What do you think that your husband is doing when you are always ending up in the arms of his skating buddies!

02-21-2003, 03:00 PM	#3
knightbear Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 36	sad sad person {be nice nice nice} you are very wrong ......you give man or woman a bad name.......how can you sleep at nite........look at your life and really think about wihat you are doing.........you need to come clean with husband ....maybe he will keep but i would not after all that......i am sorry to sound mean but what you did is wrong to the core

12-01-2003, 06:18 PM	#4
Texas Consultant Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 22	Practically speaking, you may decide to marry one person but you're going to have lust or feelings, possibly, for others. The question then becomes impulse control. Do you want to be married? If so, you've probably got to give up taking a pounding from this other fellow. If you're sticking with your boyfriend because it's "the smart thing to do," ask yourself, are you shopping for tomatoes or love? If you're looking for tomatoes, you have to compare price and availability, but with love, there's more flexibility and higher cost. Best of luck. __________________ Single Male, 32, looking for the love of my life. If you fit this description, or don't believe the media concept of "love" is psychotic, please contact BOX 666.

02-08-2004, 04:11 PM	#5
revdeluka Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 64	messed up let me see if i got you right. you had a threesome? you your husband and his buddy? men that is really messed up. if he can let his friend have a piece of you in front of him i think that the two of you are messed up. and why act like you are confused? you pound man B but married to man A. this only means one thing, you are using them both for whatever reasons. there is only one solution, get rid of your conscience and youll be fine. but you know what, i am not in any position to judge u, just get rid of any human feelings and then you can pull what ever stunt your flesh desires