Thesis complete.

Hi all,

I'm not normally one for self-indulgence, but this post may be a little along those lines, so look away now if you must!

Five months ago, my ex-girlfriend went cold very suddenly, then stopped replying completely. Knowing what not to do in situations like this, I didn't chase whatsoever, in fact I deleted facebook and never contacted her again. Hid all photos of her, changed my apartment's appearance, exercised, everything. In hindsight, and the biggest thing I have learned from this break up, is the importance of letting it out of your system in the immediate aftermath. That is what I have struggled with the most. Just one email sent a few days after her disappearing act, then proceed to NC...wish I had done that. My first trip to a therapist a couple of weeks ago saw her suggest sending the email now, for closure, but I decided against it after 24 hours thought and some good advice here. Too late. She was the one who pulled away, made excuses/lies during the last ten days of contact not to see me, so if she ever wants to get in touch, then the onus is firmly on her.

Now, coinciding with this last five months has been the added pressure of having to write my Masters thesis. I have been studying part-time for three years for this, in addition to living in a vastly different culture to my own in Japan, and working full-time (in a job I love, working with children). At first, it was difficult to get motivated to do my thesis after the sudden nature of the break up. I had only done a couple of thousand words on it, and it had to be 14-15000 in total, so it seemed like looking up at Mount Fuji or something before a hike! However, after a month I got into it somehow, transcribing loads of interviews, analysing the data, writing up the literature review, results, discussion of results blah blah blah.

Then I went back to England for a couple of weeks, which messed with my emotions, mostly because I had to revisit Tokyo en route to the airport, but also because I dreaded leaving the comfort of life in England and returning to the isolation of life in Japan as it was, and the thesis hanging over me.

I had a weekend away upon my return to Japan a few weeks ago, went for that first therapy session, let everything out to her which felt good, and had an amazing time having lunch/drinks with a few others from meetup . com. It really spurred me on to finish my Masters, and look forward to life beyond that.

Well, after a nonstop few days of writing, I have just completed my Masters' thesis. 15,395 words. And again, I know this is a self-indulgent post, but the point is that I feel quite emotional now, and genuinely proud of my achievement. But, I doubt I could have got through the last five months without the support of 1. my family, but 2. the good people who post on these forums. Three times in my life I have used this website to get me through the aftermath of break ups. The first time in 2004 was the absolute worst, the second time not so bad due to my experience and maturity, but this latest one has been tough because of the sudden nature, but mostly because the studying has prevented me from doing the things that I normally do during the healing process (weekend travel).

So, thanks again everyone. I'm still going to hang around because I am not over it yet, but I am looking forward to finally being able to proactively speed up the healing process, getting out and about, meeting new people, and generally trying to get back to the person I was 3 years ago.

Take care,

Rich

Awesome man, congratulations!

I've been kind of invested in your story since there's some similar aspects in my breakup (how sudden/unexpected everything was, no real closure etc.). It's really good to see that you've taken a huge step forward in switching to that proactive mindset.

I'm just a couple steps behind you on the healing journey due to some setbacks/roadblocks, but I'll catch up soon enough!

Rich, that's great to hear!

I did a thesis in the past. Same word count! I know the feeling! It's amazing you did it despite the difficulties you faced. You will always look at this time, not as some sad moment in your life.... but as a point of reference where you overcame adversity. Every time things get tough in the future, just remind yourself of what you achieved this year.

I kind of look up to you as someone a little older than myself and a little more experienced in relationships. Even though I am a couple of months ahead of you in "breakup months" I feel that you are light years ahead of me in progress. I hope everything works out for you from here and thanks for sticking around.

HoorAy! Congrats on this great accomplishment, Rich. Indulge all you want--you've earned it!

Best wishes,

Cat