tuatara Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hey all I will try to keep this as brief as possible. I'm 29 yrs old, I've been going out with my girlfriend (24 yrs old) for 2 years, we live together. Things are fine, we don't fight, we hang out a lot, she is so kind, patient, loving and caring. She still studies at university. However... For the past year I have been working with this girl "Lara" who has seriously caught my attention. When I first met her, I made a mental note to stay away, she's a stunning and sharp business woman. The type that looks like she is a real heart breaker. Anyway. other than thinking of those initial thoughts, I switched off completely, but I did have to work with her on a day basis. After 3 months of working together on a daily basis, we started to get closer. I didn't put in any effort, it just happened. We talked more about relationships, life etc. We went out for drinks. Whenever people saw us talking, they thought something was up based on how we looked at each other. Once again there was no intention here to esculate things, they just happened. It was pretty obvious where this was heading. 10 months down the road... I'm stuck with a big decision I have to make. 1. Do I stay with my current girlfriend? I really couldn't think of any flaw about her other than I lack mental stimulation with her. She is smart, but our interests are just not aligned. Am I just being a selfish ? Am I taking things for granted, and don't know what an amazing girlfriend I have? 2. Do I break things off with my girlfriend and start something with Lara? I would have to break every rule in my book to make this happen. I've never wanted to leave one relationship for another girl, I wanted to make sure I had a break alone. I never wanted to date someone from work. But man do we click, we have strong connection. I thought it was just a phase, but its been 10 months. or...3. Do I break things off with my girlfriend, and just take time for my own. This is the scariest option out of the 3 for me. I'm a relationship guy. I've only been single for 7 months over the past 11 years. I know in terms of logic this is the smartest option. But if I was being logical I wouldn't of got in this position in the first please. ...help?! Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Option 2! But does she feel the same? Link to comment
tuatara Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Option 2! But does she feel the same? Yes, she has been basically waiting for me to make a decision. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 This hasn't been going on for 2 weeks, this has been going on for 10 months. So that's plenty of time to figure out what you want. You unconsciously know what you want to do, but your not sure if you should do it. Do you stay or do you leave. Well life is a gamble and you will either win or you will lose and only you can make that choice. Link to comment
jessie89 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 You're basically having an emotional affair. Break things off with your girlfriend because it's not fair to her. But be prepared for this relationship with the other woman to not be as great as it seemed from the other side. I've seen it happen so many times. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Option 3 so you can get your head together. BTW, getting on well with a member of the opposite sex is not an emotional affair. But, harbouring a desire for someone else you're close to, who isn't your parter, is. Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Option 3 for sure. I know you'll go for option 2 but I think you'll have an unpleasant surprise when you do. Link to comment
tuatara Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 You guys are all right. I know under everything what I need to do. I just am really struggling to get mental clarity of the situation. One thing I'm struggling to get my head around is how do I come to terms with leaving someone who is the ideal girlfriend in every way except for the connection part. I know it is a big big part of any relationship....but it makes me feel like I am the problem. It also makes me selfishly worry that I won't find another girl like that. Link to comment
tuatara Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 Update. I decided to go for option 1. I tried to forget about "Lara". She moved on with a bf. We stayed in contact. A few months ago she broke up. And we are back to this intense click again. She said she loves me. So nearly 1 year on I'm at the same cross road again. I've gone to two counsellors this week to get an opinion and I'm faced with exactly the same options: 1. Do I stay with my current girlfriend? I really couldn't think of any flaw about her other than I lack mental stimulation with her. She is smart, but our interests are just not aligned. Am I just being a selfish ? Am I taking things for granted, and don't know what an amazing girlfriend I have? 2. Do I break things off with my girlfriend and start something with Lara? I would have to break every rule in my book to make this happen. I've never wanted to leave one relationship for another girl, I wanted to make sure I had a break alone. I never wanted to date someone from work. But man do we click, we have strong connection. I thought it was just a phase, but its been 2 years. or...3. Do I break things off with my girlfriend, and just take time for my own. This is the scariest option out of the 3 for me. I'm a relationship guy. I've only been single for 7 months over the past 12 years. I know in terms of logic this is the smartest option. But if I was being logical I wouldn't of got in this position in the first please. Link to comment
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