Why didn't I leave him sooner?

I am at this very moment packing up my stuff to move from the house I share with my boyfriend to an apartment.

I thought it would be hard, like too hard to even do. I couldn't imagine having to go through all the gifts and memories and such.

But as I am packing, I am realizing something.

I don't have very many gifts or memories. He has gotten me birthday and Christmas gifts...but practical things that I use and forget they were even gifts. I don't have any cute cards he's given me or any mementos of times we have spent together. In 3 years there is not a single picture of us together. I'm blown away that I overlooked things for 3 years. This was never a healthy relationship.

But looking around at the things I am leaving behind are tons of meaningful things I have given to him over the years. I was always the only one experiencing any kind of emotion or attachment I think. Every gift I ever gave him had a lot of sentiment behind it.

I don't think its fair to judge the quality of your relationship on the gifts or pictures accumulated.

I am in the best relationship of my life. I don't think there is a photo of "us" anywhere. My first Xmas gift was a coffee maker.

But each and everyday we both make sure the other.person feels valued and loved.

Sounds like you did a really poor job recognizing your relationship for what it was, a poor one.

Relationships are defined by experiences, time investment and memories you both create together.

Learn from it and think of this as a validation of WHY you are leaving (what you are currently doing).

Next boyfriend, make sure he is right....you ignored some red flags. I have a feeling early intimacy might have caused that (happens all the time).

I agree that gifts are not the end all be all of a relationship.

But he hasn't made me feel valued and loved either. Hence, I'm packing lol.

It's funny even those practical gifts you forgot were gifts might haunt you later. Just packed some things from my move to the west coast that got left in my parents basement and what was there? A computer monitor my ex gave me years ago....I didn't even want to bother moving it knowing it came form him so I gave it to my dad. He also gave me a couple newts (don't ask why lol?) and they were fun pets but my dad has now adopted them too. I'm not sure he has caught on that he's my repository for all my old ex-bf gifts but it seems to work out for both of us.

Honestly though, I say if you can give those things away now then do it. Keeping them around to haunt you later is just as hard.

It sounds like you are leaving a one sided relationship and I hope whatever is next for you goes better. Learn from your mistakes and be more observant next time!

Aside from the sporadic, relatively cheap but nice looking piece of jewelry, all I give are practical gifts. I never got why a gift has to be useless in order for it to have sentimental value. My girlfriend has always wanted to learn German so I bought her a package of German classes she can take when she chooses to. I was tired of chopping whenever I wanted to make salsa, so my girlfriend bought me a nice blender/food processor set. I don't forget that she got it for me as a gift. Why would I? Saving me a couple hours a week invokes a whole lot more sentiment than a $5.99 folded piece of paper.

I love that food processor and I love her! Though I'll be honest, sometimes in that order depending how much chopping would have otherwise been in order.