Jump to content

Did he really just find someone else?


LolaM

Recommended Posts

It's been 4 weeks since we broke up and the 3 weeks prior to the breakup, he was acting really weird. He would disappear on weekends, wouldn't really tell me what was going on in his life, and contact was mostly during the work day. He would contact me in the evening to come over anytime he was in my area and usually said it was for a 'round before bed' (aka, sex). We live on opposite sides of a big city so it essentially takes 30 minutes to get to each other.

 

The weekend before Memorial Day, we had tentative plans for a Sunday but he never contacted me then was upset on Monday or Tuesday because I hadn't contacted him to hang out...? I didn't contact him because while I was trying to make plans, he acted like he didn't want to see me. He would say he had an even the night before and then also had to be home Sunday evening because of his dog....? Weird, right? Memorial Day weekend, we agreed to see each other on Sunday. Friday evening, I ask him what time and he never responds. Saturday early afternoon I text him and say that he didn't get back to me and other plans came up and to have a good weekend. I didn't hear from him until Monday evening at 9pm. He said he was with his boss Friday, then his beach house Sunday/Monday with his mom.

 

Tuesday evening he contacts me and tries to come over. I decline because it was so late and I wasn't feeling well. Wednesday he contacts me at like 9:45pm and asks for me to come over because he doesn't have to go to work in the morning. So I go over to his place and the whole thing sucked. I felt used and violated. The next morning I just wanted to leave....he blew smoke in my face, let his dog play bite me to the point where I had teeth marks/bruises on my hand and ignored me when i asked him to get the dog to stop. I didn't hear from him the rest of the day.....nothing on Saturday, nothing on Sunday.

 

I do some investigating on social media and turns out that Saturday on Memorial Day weekend he was with this other girl who I had suspicions about in the past. They were fixing up a condo that she had bought and was going to rent out. He had previously written her off as a business partner. There's other things that too that made me start to feel like I was being used/played. So I confronted him via email (not the best way to go but I figured I didn't want to put him on the spot in person) and expressed how I was feeling. He never responded. There was other evidence/things that happened that led me to believe that he hadn't been faithful so I texted him and asked if i needed to get tested. He responded with no, and then added that he was with his business partner (the female from memorial day weekend) and that she was laughing at it and that they had just bought another property and that I would have loved her etc.

 

Anyway, long story short, since that week, he's been with her nonstop. The first 2ish weeks he kept tagging her on Facebook and Twitter...I guess to see if I'd react? Well this past weekend, she was with him and was saying that she was helping some bachelors (him and his roommate) put together an apartment that they (the two guys) had just moved into.

 

What do you guys think? Does it seem like the business partner really is just a business partner? He's known her for about 4 years and apparently have been in business together the past year. Or, does it seem like it's something more? I guess it doesn't matter in the long run but my mind keeps going over it over and over again. Perhaps a 3rd party (internet people) will help me gain some insight and help me move on from this.

Link to comment

hmm maybe more like trying to look at the situation rationally? Bachelors are single men. She said that rather than saying 'men' or 'guys'. And when she was brought up in the past, he said I might meet her one day because she's doing business with his family.

 

And I did get tested because I really don't trust anything he says at this point.

Link to comment

oh we haven't seen each other in 6 weeks, haven't spoken in about 4.

 

I guess not speaking for 4 weeks is opening my eyes up to what was really going on in the relationship. Deep down I knew I had this uneasy feeling about it-like something didn't seem right. Looking back, he would say little things to chip away at my self-esteem. The last day I saw him he told me 'you may have dyed your hair brown but you're still a blonde'. Other times he would say little things like that and when I would say something like 'what?', he would come back in a creepy way with a smooth comment to make it seem like he wasn't insulting me. In the end he discarded me when I calmly asked him what was going on and said that I felt I wasn't being treated with respect.

Link to comment

I would stop worrying about who he is with and focus your energy on moving forward with life and not have a deadweight dragging you down. Chalk this up as a lesson and stop creating relationships with people that like to play games or are dishonest. Also, use this experience to mature as well, and where you can be a better partner to someone in the future.

Link to comment

Really. . .does it matter who's he's with?

You just recounted this guy calling you pretty much for sex.

He stood you up on more than one occasion.

Good enough reasons to change your number yet you are wondering who he's with?

Why?

Be brave and cut all contact. You are positioning yourself to be the one who's dumped when it him who needs to be kicked to the curb.

Link to comment

some of you missed the part where I said we were already broken up. ;P

 

 

I suppose I wonder who he's with or what his actual relationship is with this other girl because it would mean that I should have trusted my instincts months ago. I haven't contacted him since the breakup and don't plan to. I'm actually becoming more and more creeped out by his behavior the more I think about it now.

Link to comment

You are wasting your time by trying to figure out another human. You already invested a lot of your time and emotion to him in the past, what is the point of investing further. Cut your losses before you lose more. Invest in your future, not your past.

Link to comment
some of you missed the part where I said we were already broken up. ;P

 

 

I suppose I wonder who he's with or what his actual relationship is with this other girl because it would mean that I should have trusted my instincts months ago. I haven't contacted him since the breakup and don't plan to. I'm actually becoming more and more creeped out by his behavior the more I think about it now.

You felt something wasn't right months ago, and now he showed the true color. Spend your precise time on someone really like you and care about you. Cut the loss, save yourself.

Link to comment

^all true. I've never had that problem before-ignoring my instincts. During the week of the breakup, I tried to talk things out with him but he refused. I suppose that's my answer right there-he knew I was right in saying that he was using me/playing me and couldn't talk his way out of it. Plus, if he had really cared, he would have tried to talk to me about things and work it out rather than just discard me.

 

So now onto healing and moving on...

Link to comment

You have a choice to not let someone else treat you like an option. And that's exactly what he was doing. He lined her up and then jumped ship for good, but yeah the writing was on the wall. Block, delete, insist on better behavior from the next guy you date. You put up with way more from this guy than you should have in the first place.

Link to comment
You have a choice to not let someone else treat you like an option. And that's exactly what he was doing. He lined her up and then jumped ship for good, but yeah the writing was on the wall. Block, delete, insist on better behavior from the next guy you date. You put up with way more from this guy than you should have in the first place.

 

That's so true and I called him out on it too. I did put up with way more that I should have. He let me take the blame for a lot of things, and blamed me too. He never accepted responsibility for his actions.

 

My only problem is I keep looking at their social media. Aaaaah

Link to comment

You already broke up. Cut all contact and unfriend / block him on social media. You are holding on to something that is no longer there, and by doing so are only causing yourself pain. What he is doing is no longer any of your concern, and he sounds like he really wasn't too great towards the end. Do yourself a favor and focus on you, moving forward, and your life. Hang in there.

Link to comment
You already broke up. Cut all contact and unfriend / block him on social media. You are holding on to something that is no longer there, and by doing so are only causing yourself pain. What he is doing is no longer any of your concern, and he sounds like he really wasn't too great towards the end. Do yourself a favor and focus on you, moving forward, and your life. Hang in there.

 

i know, thank you. I guess i'm looking for confirmation that they are definitely together. Stupid, I know. It doesn't even matter if they are because he was not nice to me at all and was basically using me.

Link to comment
And social media is the devil when you are going through a break up. I've been off Facebook for 2 solid months and it's been one of the best things I cod have done to help me get through my break up. I highly recommend a temporary break!

 

i blocked him on fb now. I've blocked the other websites (twitter and instagram) on my computer but go back and unblock them to look. How do you just ...STOP?

Link to comment

By....stopping. By realizing you are wasting time. Knowing what he is doing or with whom is a complete waste of your life. They are living theirs and having fun and you are watching them. Alone. From the sidelines...

 

 

When you could be living your life.

Link to comment
You should move on from this guy, if only for the disrespect. He also put you in place as booty call in the final weeks of the relationship.

 

This has been long over.

 

exactly. I didn't even do anything for him to treat me like that. I was REALLY good to him and he decided he wanted out.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...