Broken Hearted BIG time over co-worker.

I got involved with somebody that I work with. We both still work at the same company together. We really were never together in a relationship. We just had a fling that lasted about a year and a half but my feelings for her were obviously much deeper than her feelings for me. She is now dating somebody for the past month. It really has destroyed me for some reason. Even though me and her were never in a relationship, we did have sex a couple of times and were intimate with each other on a few other times. We would talk to each other every single day during and after work and see each other outside of work once in a while. She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us. Not only because we work together but also because there is a bit of an age and life situation difference between us. I am 35 never been married no kids. She is 44 divorced and has two kids. Obviously we are both in totally different stages in our lives but her age honestly never bothered me at all. What of course initially drew me to her was her physical appearance. We worked together for 4 years before anything intimate happened between us. I always found her to be extremely attractive but knew that she was married at the time and never even thought of trying to talk to her on a personal level. But then one day she sent me a text about a work issue and we just started texting back-and-forth from then on and it went from there. I really did enjoy the situation that we had together.

I knew that I could not be with her in a serious relationship but at the same time I knew that if one day she found someone that I would be hurt. She even told me once that if she did start dating somebody she wouldn't tell me because she knew that I would be hurt. So here we are today, she is in a month old relationship with some guy who is 50 years old I am alone and feeling completely miserable over the whole situation. I was even in Hawaii last week and all I did was think about her and wish she was there. She sent me a text message while I was there on her own out of the blue to see how I was doing and that mere act of hers made me feel like the happiest man on earth. I asked her if she wanted a present from Hawaii, and I was expecting her to say no but surprisingly she said yes I would love one surprise me. And then we started texting back-and-forth the way we used to for a little bit that day. That made me feel really good. But as soon as I got back the other day I wanted to talk to her but she told me she could not because she was going to her "friends" House and she was not sure when she will be home. Only today did I find out that it was this guy whose house she went to.

How do you get over somebody that you work with? Obviously NC is impossible in this situation. Luckily for me, she works out in the field (not literally in a field btw) and I work in the office. So I really only see her about once a week if that. But..... I still do have to communicate with her several times a day every day either by phone or by text for work.

This woman came into my office earlier this week. As I mentioned earlier, she works out in the field so I only see her at most once a week. I had no idea she was coming in that day. When I saw her my heart immediately began to beat fast and I felt like I had a lump in my throat. I did not even want to look at her. When I look at her now, all I do is imagine her being with this man and having sex with him. That's the first thing that pops into my mind. And it drives me insane. I was cold to her the entire time when she came into the office that day. She of course seemed to be in a great mood!! Laughing, smiling, everything is fantastic in her world of course!! Meanwhile, I'm there sitting at my desk, extremely upset, and if I wasn't around other people I'd probably be on the verge of tears. She came over to me once today to ask for something. I did not even look at her. I just reached into my drawer and grabbed it and gave it to her hand. She said thank you and I just said sure.

I honestly do not know if I can do this.

How am I going to get over this woman when I have to talk to her every day and see her once a week? I'm so hurt right now. I was hoping that after she left the office she might text me to see how I'm doing. I'm sure she could obviously tell that I was upset. But of course I got nothing from her.

I want to call or text her right now so badly. But part of me knows that that's a bad idea. She mentioned to me once before that she feels guilty about the whole situation. I don't think she's ever seen me that upset before. Not in person anyway. I've expressed how upset I've been about this whole situation over the phone and through text messages but never in person. Do you think it's at all possible that right now she feels bad for me? That she feels guilty? That she goes home and thinks about me and thinks to herself that wow he must really have cared about me because he really is upset about this whole thing. Do you guys think that's possible at all?

What should my next play be? Should I continue to be cold and only professional about work related matters when I talk to her? Part of me right now feels bad about how I acted by not even engaging her in conversation when I saw her at the office this week. I feel like I should text her and even apologize for how I was acting. But then I know that she might think I'm not really that upset after all. I really don't know what to do here.

It was stupid of me to get into this situation in the first place but it started out with me thinking with the wrong head and then those feelings gradually made there way up to my heart and now I feel heartbroken. I know I said that in the beginning I really didn't feel like I could have anything serious with this girl but now that I am feeling so heartbroken and miserable about her dating someone else..... If she would call me right now and tell me she would give me a chance for something real between us....I would definitely take it.

Anyone else here been involved with a coworker before and when it ended you were still working together?

She's not into you romantically. She might enjoy the friendship and attention, but nothing more. So don't gall into the trap of thinking she's thinking as much about you as you are about her.

Best advice is to be polite at work, stop texting, and don't hookup with co-workers anymore.

I know....

I really should just try to stop texting her. I can communicate with her about work just as effectively over the phone. Plus, whenever we talk, she always gives hints about her seeing this guy.

Such as this weekend, she told me she's going to her "Friends" in Michigan. Yesterday when we were texting she asked me what I am doing this weekend. I told her and then I said I am worried to ask what her plans are. She said this "Hehe don't ask I am going to Michigan to my friends she then wished me a nice weekend and told me to "relax 😊"

Do you think because she told me to relax that she really IS just going to a friends house this weekend and NOT this guys she's seeing?

It's a beautiful day here where I live for 4th of July...... And all I'm doing now he's thinking about her traveling to Michigan with him.

I guess just more examples as to why I should stop talking to her about personal stuff altogether.

Geez, I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with not texting her at all. You need to stop and think about what you can do to get your mind off of her & try to work past this. It sounds like it's going to be hard, but take baby steps. You gotta crawl before you walk, but you can do it. Please don't text her no matter how bad you want to. Hang in there, it may take time but you'll get through this.

If I were you, I would quit talking to her on a personal level, be cordial and limit all communication to work only. It sounds like she is fully aware of your feelings for her and that you're bothered by her relationship with this new guy and if that's the case she should totally understand you shying away unless it involves work. This is obviously not healthy for you and if she knows how you feel about her, yet is making it clear that you cannot be together then I think its a little inappropriate for her to continue texting you on a personal level because its leading you on and keeping you on an emotional roller coaster. If you're not careful you could end up hurting more than you already are. It may be hard, but you need to put an end to this now.

I agree with the others. In order to move past all this you need to relegate her firmly to coworker only. That means no personal anything in your texts. It's all business and only business. If she says anything tell to be respectful, that you are just coworkers now and she needs to give you space. And leave it at that. She cannot act all chummy and personal text then wonder why you don't smile and act like nothing happened.

I'm sorry, but it's too late to be friends or anything else. You have to speak to her about work, so be polite, distant, professional and the hurt will fade. And of course in the future date only outside the office. I've made the mistake myself of office romances and what seems like a great idea at the time backfires when one of you decides it isn't going to work.

It's either that or you get a new job, but again I know that's easier said than done. So instead simply treat her like a coworker, refuse to get sucked into any personal conversations, and let the feelings fade.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I had to get burned

Also, she will understand exactly why you were cold and professional to her. And it's exactly how you should be. If she can't get that or it makes her unhappy that's not your problem. My guess is she's just relieved. She already knows what she did wasn't that cool, trust me she feels crappy about it. Just not crappy enough to fall for you again. Nothing you can do about that, sorry.

Thank you. I really do appreciate your time in reading my long post and responding to try to help me. It is Fourth of July night right now, I went out with some friends earlier. But my mind is only on her. All I'm doing is thinking about her being with this man right now watching fireworks with him. I am sure they will have sex tonight of course. I have to get over this pain. I still do have this gift that I was planning on giving to her for her birthday later this month. I know I need to cut all ties with her and make her only a colleague from now on. After two years of us being so close and more than just colleagues it's going to be very difficult. I still do want to mail her this gift at least for her birthday. And include a nice card explaining again exactly how I feel about her. But maybe ending it with if you cannot give me the things I am looking for from you then we can only be coworkers. What do you think?

I seriously feel like right now I'm going through withdrawal. She didn't text me all weekend and I knew that she wouldn't. It's 11:15 PM right now. Me and her used to text each other until midnight every night before we went to sleep. I want to text her so badly right now. But I'm sure shes still on cloud nine from her weekend out of state with this man for Fourth of July. And of course tomorrow I'm sure I will have to talk to her about a work related issue and just act like I'm totally fine right? Like it's no big deal to me. When I am actually dying inside and I want to tell her how badly I want things to go back to the way they were between us. But I can't can I? She's probably going to think that I'm crazy or something. I miss her so much. Tomorrow I will be able to talk to her on the phone as a coworker and hear her voice but I miss her so much.

You fear what you attract. You kept thinking that she is gonna leave me for someone else and she did instead of being confident and soing the things you did in the beginning to get her. Sometime we get to wrapped in a person we lose ourselves and then they see that and they lose interest and move on to the next thing that catches thier eye. Dont call and text her or do anything. Let her miss you and if she really cares or still has feelings for you she will come back. You chase she pulls away you walk away it will show you have other things going on in your life. Dont make her a priority when you aren't one to her. Stay positive and try not to date co workers.

I've read everyone's advice....and to a sane person it makes 100% sense and I should follow every word of it.

But right now I am not sane at all. I am going crazy over this pain!! I'm at work now. Sitting at my desk and feeling so miserable.

She of course did not text me at all this weekend. Not once. I put a new selfie up on FB on saturday and surprisingly she ended up "Liking" it though. What does that mean? But of course she did not sent me any messages anywhere at all.

I have not had to call her about work so for this morning....I hope I do not have to at all today. But I have to call her after work. I have to talk to her. I know it will make me look weak in her eyes but who cares at this point??!! Whether I play it cool, indifferent, nice, rude.....she's never going to want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT. So why not let her know how much pain she is causing me? Let her know that while she was out of state with this guy for the 4th enjoying the fireworks with him and probably banging his brains out....That I was having a miserable 4th all because of HER. That all I was doing was thinking of her and wishing that I could be with her. If I have ZERO chance of being with her no matter what I do....then I want her to feel GUILTY for all this pain she is inflicting on me by being with this guy and never talking to me anymore.

If you contact her and make her feel guilty you will push her way even more possibly forever. You just have to leave her alone and find other things to do with your time besides let her make you feel miserable. Your life doesnt revolve around hers. Dont let her become an obsession.