Girlfriend broke up with me. Scared of commitment.

Ok well about a month ago i started talking to a girl i work with. Its crazy because we had worked together for a year and barely spoke. She had only been in one 5 year relationship up until this with a cheating and abusive boyfriend. Anyway, we eventually started fb msging/texting and i got enough courage to ask her out. The past month with her has been absolutely AMAZING and we both fell for each other hard. Texting all day and hanging out probably 4 times a week, plus we saw each other at work. I probably should add that im 28 and shes 20, which is why i never saw anything in us and we hardly spoke for a year. But once i got to know her none of that mattered. After about 3 weeks i told her i loved her and she got the biggest smile on her face and told me she loved me back. We were also sexually intimate. Things were going so well that i meet her parents, they like me a lot. Her friends also loved me. Anyway, so yeah, things are going amazing and im probably the happiest ive ever been in my entire life, she told me she felt the same. When we werent together she would constantly text me saying she misses me and hates being away from me. This only made me fall for her harder. We even picked out a song that was "our song". Then about a month in completely out of nowhere she texts me asking if we can talk. I immediately freak out, but also tell myself "things are going way too good i shouldnt worry". Nope, i was wrong... she came over that night and broke up with me. She did this the day after she got her period too, i dont know if that means anything? She said we rushed things and it scared her. The funny thing is i asked her SEVERAL times if we were moving too fast and she always reassurred me we werent and she was happy. She said she'd had that "scared" feeling for a little while but her feelings for me were so strong she pushed it away because she wanted to be with me, but it just kept nagging at her and she had to break things off. Literally the night before she broke up with me she texted me at 3 am telling me she couldnt sleep cause she missed me. Im just so confused and completely heartbroken. She told me she still cares about me a lot and loves me but she just cant be in a commitment right now, but i gave her hope in love again after her crappy long term relationship. She also said she could possibly see us together in the future but this is just something she has to do right now. So, what do you think my chances are? Keep in mind i have to work with this girl so how do i act towards her at work? I know i need to focus on moving on but its so hard because i have such strong feelings for her and i have to face seeing her at work.

Never a good idea to get involved with someone at work. Most relationships fail (thats why most people have a lot more than one during their lives) and when it does fail it can make the workday a miserable experience. Lucky for you it's only a month so maybe it won't be that bad.

How do you act? Cool and detached. What are your chances? You don't know how to pace yourself in a relationship, you get all caught up in the emotions and frenzy and you make poor choices. So I'd say your chances of this one working out are poor, and so are your future chances with other women if you don't learn how to chill.

I would have never moved things so fast if she wouldn't have told me it was what she wanted. She said she just got so caught up in her feelings that she wasnt thinking clear. I just really cared for her and had "that" feeling that i never had in any of my past relationships.

I would have never moved things so fast if she wouldn't have told me it was what she wanted. She said she just got so caught up in her feelings that she wasnt thinking clear. I just really cared for her and had "that" feeling that i never had in any of my past relationships.

Dont leave these sorts of decisions up to her. Especially given the age difference and (hopefully) the maturity level differences.

You got caught up in a feeding frenzy and what might have been a good thing is now ruined.

Learn from it and stop saying "she said it was ok and I thought it was because I had that feeling".

Because it's just wrong.

Im going to try to play things cool at work and act like its not bothering me. But like i said i know i really need to focus on moving on. She told me she was happier in that one month with me then her five years with her ex. I just dont understand why she would be the one to constantly initiate the texts saying she missed me and couldnt wait for the future with us etc. She said the breakup had ansolutely nothing to do with me and that i made her the happiest shes ever been. It just made her realize she doesnt want a commitment right now. I know now no matter what i need to go much, much slower. Regardless of what the woman tells me.

She told me she was happier in that one month with me then her five years with her ex.

I know it sounds great and makes you feel like such a super guy but ask yourself if you REALLY think that's true.

I just dont understand why she would be the one to constantly initiate the texts saying she missed me and couldnt wait for the future with us etc

You didn't play it cool. You let the emotions of a young girl run the show and it ran hot and burned out fast. That's what happens when you don't take the time to think and you react on impulse.

People can be flaky. Especially people with vJs.

Take a lesson from it. And stop letting the woman dictate your actions.

I asked her if she still wouldve broken up with me if we would've gone slower and she said she would've realized she doesnt want commitment right now either way.

Jessepinkman12

Here is my honest opinion and don't feel bad.....

I am in my 40's, I must say that up to day I still need help on how to figure out some women.........But in your case my opinion is that she has a crash for someone else, If she was all for you then she will go all the way or just end it.

Is she confused?....... of course she is, and that is because YOU ARE NOT HER WHOLE WORLD !

Believe me pal, regardless if I am good looking or hung; I do want to be the whole world to one single woman.

Hope this helps you

Thank you for your topic.

CultureMan

I really do not believe there is another guy involved. I asked her several times and she told me she wouldn't lie. It's just about her and wanting to be single. I know she still cares about me because she came up to me at work today and asked me how i was feeling. And that if i need anything she'll always be there for me. She also said she still thinks about me all the time.

I asked her if she still wouldve broken up with me if we would've gone slower and she said she would've realized she doesnt want commitment right now either way.

Stop asking her questions like that, and whether she has another guy. Its weak, unattractive and can almost be construed as you begging her for another chance.

Besides, shes already demonstrated that she has no idea what she wants, she says one thing and does something completely different, so why believe her regardless of how she answers your questions?

I asked her those questions 3 days ago. While she was breaking up with me. Im trying my best not to speak to her much other then when we have to, at work.

Ok that's better.

And this morning she randomly just liked one of my fb photos...

Can an admin please delete this thread? I got the answers i needed. Dont really want it up anymore. Thanks

They don't delete threads. Its in the rules....that you agreed to when you signed on to be a member.

I know what you are going through. I dated someone at work and started out real good and then outta nowhere we kinda fought alot so she didnt want to be with anymore . But hey take it as a learning lesson and dont rush things. When at work just pretend she doesnt work there and focus on the positive and don't try to conversate. She broke it off with you so let her fix it if she wants.

They don't delete threads. Its in the rules....that you agreed to when you signed on to be a member.

I really need this deleted.

Why it's completely anonymous here unless your name is Jesse Pinkman.

Any chance this could be commitment phobia? Im just learning about it and she had a very abusive childhood, divorved parents etc...plus many other things. And the way she dumped me completely out of no where when i thought we were both at our happiest?

Could be commitment phobia but so what?

Whatever it is, you'll probably never know. Maybe even she doesn't know, all she knows is it didn't feel right. She could have commitment phobia and do the same thing she did to you to the next 10 guys, or she might not have commitment phobia and she'll fall in love with the next guy and marry him.

It's all the same to you.