Why am I upset about letting him go when I was never happy in the first place?

This isn't really a break up but I wasn't sure where else to post this!

I've been/was dating this guy for the passed 2 and a half months. From the very beginning, I wasn't happy. He would also take way too long to text me back (like 15 hours between messages) and the only times he would talk to me were when he wanted for us to meet up. Other than that, there would be zero contact on his part. If I messaged him a question, he would reply but other than that, nothing.

When we did go on dates (we only ever went on 4 dates) he did try to get to know me. We've been trying to schedule a fifth date but he keeps bailing and it's been nearly 4 weeks since our last date. I messaged him about maybe doing something this week and he hasn't replied. I feel very hurt that he's ignoring me like this but it wouldn't be the first time it's happened

I've been thinking really seriously lately about just calling this whole thing off because I'm not happy at all. I feel like I've tried everything I possibly can to make it work on my part and he's just too lazy to even try and make it work. He's also going to America for 5 weeks next week so this isn't even going to go anywhere until he gets back.

The thing is when I think about calling it off, I get upset. I don't know why because I don't have feelings for him at all. I barely even know him really. I know I'm not happy and I know I deserve better but I can't help but feel so upset for some strange reason

If one person is doing more then the other it will never work out no matter how hard you try. If hes just not invested in the relationship let him go. Sometimes you have to realize what you lost once its gone. Don't stick around if you aren't happy. Time is precious and life goes on. Someone out there will value you and treat you like you deserve.

Think of your happiness, you said you are not happy.. that is a big deal. A relationship shouldn't ever be one sided. You don't want to be the one who breaks it off because you think you'll be the bad one in this? You won't be .. you need to think of you too.

Honestly it sounds like he's already thrown in the towel. Doesn't sound like much to really call off unfortunately. I would move on..

I think it upsets you because he's even too lazy to break it off...let alone work on it. I would move on. You don't want this going on for the next few years...you always trying to make it work and him doing next to nothing. Just think of all the cool things you could do in that time Don't waste your life on people like this, spend your life with people who are IN your life.

This guy had a good thing, and it's too bad for him. Relationships require a lot of effort and commitment and he's just not the right one, from the sounds of it. You don't have feelings for him for a good reason. Keep that in mind... I think it's time to move on because you can't change him, it's only going to hurt you. I know this might not be what you want to hear but trust me when I say this...I've been here before, and it never got better. Who knows what he's doing in all that time, you need to let him go and don't worry for every bad relationship you have, it means you are that much closer to finding a great relationship. It may not seem like it now, but you are finding out what you don't like, so then when you find traits in someone you DO like, you'll think back to these crap relationships and think "I am so glad I left that guy" and really cherish your life because the storm has passed.

I'd just take this as a learning experience. I had SO many bad relationships it's not even funny lol. But then when I met someone truly interested in me, it was great and I never looked back since. Just do what is right for YOU. Sometimes you need to remove things from your life to make room for better things

If you have a date with someone you actually consider yourself dating for only 4 times in 2,5 months, it gives me 2 valid options; Either you are dating each other from a long distance or then it has not been that serious to begin with, nor has he taken it seriously. If you live within a reasonable distance from each other to be able to see more often, and if you both wanted it, you would had met way more often, no excuses there. People can date people without really committing feelings into it that much, it`s quite normal for both men and women. The relationship between you two needs to progress deeper in order for feelings to develop. From your post I got the impression that he must have been interested about you (not fallen deeper yet), and something began holding him off. Could it be that the things never started to progress for two of you?

I think you have 2 options: 1) Let him go, or then 2) increase the pressure by going straight to his door or a place you know you can easily find him, and tell him that you came to meet him to ask him out since you really like him, or then just to talk with him, up to you.

There's nothing to call off! You just don't text him again. He is fazing you out anyways, so why would you want to contact him anyways? Your probably just sad because it was "someone" to date. Dust him off, and start again. And if he contacts you after 5 weeks, don't reply!

Maybe you just want to be part of a couple and this guy doesnt. You dont seem to like him, and with good reason based on what you write. Perhaps it's the being alone, being by yourself, without a boyfriend, that is the main problem.

Nothing to call off. The guy is not interested.

Sounds like you have done all the work, and he responds when he has nothing else to do.

You're upset, because your ego is hurt. Just move on from this.

Please do not do number 2, you will embarrass both of you. His actions have said it all.

Yep -- not interested.

I say this because I dated a guy like this too. Went on three dates, were planning the next date when he just completely disappeared on me. He seemed to really like me -- and claimed to -- but it took him forever to respond to texts and phone calls, and WEEKS went by between those three dates. Plus, he cancelled on me a few times and re-scheduled. I had to come to grips with the fact that he just wasn't all that interested in me. Fortunately, I only wasted about 6 weeks or so on him before finally giving up.

""I think you have 2 options: 1) Let him go, or then 2) increase the pressure by going straight to his door or a place you know you can easily find him, and tell him that you came to meet him to ask him out since you really like him, or then just to talk with him, up to you.

UGH! No way to #2! You will look like a crazy crazy stalker. That would make you look so needy and pathetic. LEAVE HIM BE.

Hollyj and kbbcoop77 I see you both take my option number 2 as looking like a stalker, I find that a bit sad. You know the thing is, OP had not started this thread unless he liked the guy. If she is ready to let it go, then she should do it, plain and easy. But if she is not, she needs to do something right?

If the price of knowing the truth, should she be interested in really finding it out, is to look needy and pathetic, who says it`s a bad trade at all? To me that`s a good trade, if the price you pay is only your ego.

You know anyways in this era of using txt messages and applications to keep in touch with people, sometimes we forget that facing someone might actually be the most comfortable thing to do in the end and would tell you everything you need to know. Also, it will leave much bigger impact than using text messages. And you don`t need to embarrass yourself while doing it, you can actually be normal, not a stalker. You know go to him and say "Hi"?

I mean seriously, if you like somebody and are looking for options to proceed into way or another, biggest mistake of all is to let fear of looking needy and pathetic prevent you from actually doing something. That is a way of never actually leaving big impact to someone, not to dare enough.

Then again she also wrote that she has not been happy, which suggests that number 1) should be better for her. However, making the decision needs to be done here ovbiously, not just hoping for something to happen. If you want something to happen in life, you need to do it either ways.

Please do not do number 2, you will embarrass both of you. His actions have said it all.

I totally agree. Really BAD idea!

Thank you so much for your post I think you're right about me being upset over him because he's not trying. I also think I'm upset purely because he feels I'm not even worth trying to work things out I know that's not the way I should look at the situation but it's how he's making me feel. Anyway, I've made my decision I'm going to just call it off because this whole experience with him has just been 95% unhappiness the entire time. I feel I've tried everything I possibly could to make it work and it's just not working so it's best to leave.

This guy lives 10 minutes away from me, so distance is certainly not an issue at all. Things never really did progress, I don't know why. He was always the one to suggest dates (he even suggested the one I mentioned in my original post twice) so I just don't understand why he's acting like this at all. I've decided I'm going to let him go anyway, I'm honestly just done with his attitude and behaviour towards this.

Yep -- not interested.

 

I say this because I dated a guy like this too. Went on three dates, were planning the next date when he just completely disappeared on me. He seemed to really like me -- and claimed to -- but it took him forever to respond to texts and phone calls, and WEEKS went by between those three dates. Plus, he cancelled on me a few times and re-scheduled. I had to come to grips with the fact that he just wasn't all that interested in me. Fortunately, I only wasted about 6 weeks or so on him before finally giving up.

Your post just described everything that has been my life for the past nearly 3 months I don't understand why people like that claim they're interested why they're not? It makes me feel like I'm an option, like something for them to do when they don't have anything else going on

We've been trying to schedule a fifth date but he keeps bailing and it's been nearly 4 weeks since our last date.

I've been thinking really seriously lately about just calling this whole thing off because I'm not happy at all.

Sounds like he already called it off 4 weeks ago. Or he's already gone to America. Or he's dating someone else he's more interested in.

I feel like I've tried everything I possibly can to make it work on my part and he's just too lazy to even try and make it work.

It shouldn't be that difficult if you're dating someone and you're both really interested in each other. You're either trying the wrong things or trying with the wrong person (for you). Save that sort of energy for when you have a relationship problem.

Do guys you date normally behave like this with you?

Sounds like he already called it off 4 weeks ago. Or he's already gone to America. Or he's dating someone else he's more interested in.

 

 

It shouldn't be that difficult if you're dating someone and you're both really interested in each other. You're either trying the wrong things or trying with the wrong person (for you). Save that sort of energy for when you have a relationship problem.

 

Do guys you date normally behave like this with you?

He hadn't called it off 4 weeks ago, he was the one who suggested the fifth date in the first place. I just tried to put the plan into motion. He's not leaving for America until next week, and I know from mutual friends he's not dating anyone else.

No guys I normally date don't behave like this at all. The guys I normally date actually try and get to know me between dates and aren't nearly as difficult as this guy when planning dates. I think I've just chosen the wrong person to date

There's a fine line between showing interest, and being a doormat. It would be in your best interest to know the difference.

He hadn't called it off 4 weeks ago,

I meant in his head, or shortly after. He's fading out instead of telling you. At least, that's how it looks to me because he kept bailing on the 5th date plans.

No guys I normally date don't behave like this at all. The guys I normally date actually try and get to know me between dates and aren't nearly as difficult as this guy when planning dates.

I think that's the strange reason which makes you feel upset. He's not behaving the way guys you date normally do.

I think I've just chosen the wrong person to date

Yes. Better to find out after 4 dates than 4 years.

You're probably finding it upsetting because although you didn't know him well, you may have built up ideas 'about' him that you hoped were true. So sure, you're kind of grieving the loss of those. It's common.

Not sure if you had sex with him, but if you did, that can make letting go even more difficult. I can't speak for you, but I bond through sex. I had to learn to be careful about who I was willing to bond with, and get crystal clear about where I stand with someone before sex can enter the picture.

Head high.

I also dated a similar guy and couldn't get my head around his supposed level of interest and his lack of planning anything. Then I realised he was passive regardless of me, he was passive in his other social interactions too. Didn't care to plan in advance, ask questions, bond on a deeper level. His next gf did all the work. It took me a while to let go because the sex was out of this world (he claimed the same) but I realised he wasn't a good candidate for a long term relationship. And my ego was bruised because I took it personal like he didn't like ME enough to do any work. But he was just like that.

So don't waste your time especially if you have felt unhappy.

You're probably finding it upsetting because although you didn't know him well, you may have built up ideas 'about' him that you hoped were true. So sure, you're kind of grieving the loss of those. It's common.

 

Not sure if you had sex with him, but if you did, that can make letting go even more difficult. I can't speak for you, but I bond through sex. I had to learn to be careful about who I was willing to bond with, and get crystal clear about where I stand with someone before sex can enter the picture.

 

Head high.

Yes, I did have many ideas on how I could've been so happy with him if he had actually just tried And it hurts to think that I wasn't enough for him to want to try either

No, I didn't have sex with him at all. I knew I'd get way too attached if I did and I always in the back of my mind knew this was not a good person to get attached to. I'm pretty much the same, I didn't feel any emotional connection at all to my now ex-boyfriend before until we had sex. And that break-up was the most painful and hardest thing I ever went through, I'm genuinely scared to ever have sex again after that