This relationship/break up has driven both of us insane

We first started off having casual sex for about a month, then decided to make it exclusive. His only serious experience was when he was 17 (now we're 21) he was with a girl for 2.5 years who he didn't love but couldn't break it off as she was unstable and he was scared of confrontation. This was my first relationship, so I also had my fears of not knowing what to do/expect. The first 4 months of the relationship was beautiful, we were in love and he became the closest person to me in my life. My best friend committed suicide in the beginning of our relationship, so I relied on him a lot and we became very close in a short period of time.

He has been the best support but my worry was that the relationship was too intense for him, as I knew he was scared of being in one after having had a bad experience in his teenage years. Having lost my best friend, he became everything to me and I started to become anxious about losing him. We have always been honest with each other, and he opened up to me about his own anxieties about the relationship - that he was scared of repeating the same mistake of his last one. But sometimes I would get scared and try to break off the relationship, as self protection, but then he would be distraught, and we would end up getting back together.

One day, I saw his messages to his friend and he was talking about how he felt I was more in to the relationship, which scared him. But that he didn't want to break it off, as he doesn't know how he feels. It was so painful realising what he was thinking, and I broke up with him. I was scared of getting hurt as I loved him so much. We were together for about 7 months, and then we have spent (currently spending) almost 5 months of having sex, going back and forth, both of us not being able to cut contact. We have tried to get back together so many times, and each time we try, he'd freak out and tell me that it felt too wrong, that he couldn't do it anymore. He tells me he doesn't know whether he's in love with me or not, that he needs space to figure things out.

The last 5 months have been hell. There have been so many arguments, our friends falling out related to our relationship, it has been crazy. We've been struggling to give each other the space we need as one of us will always buckle and text (mainly me). The longest we've gone without speaking has been 5 days, it's pathetic. We both can't ever ignore each other's texts or phone calls. Recently I slept with another guy and I thought it would help both of us move on, but when my ex found out, he had a break down and we ended up spending a couple of days together. All our friends are worried about him as he's lost a lot of weight and is just at home not doing anything. Yet he tells me he doesn't think he's in love with me. He's always been very caring and respectful, but his fickleness and confusion is driving both of us crazy. I want to move on but I keep holding on to the idea that he is still in love with me. I just don't understand him. He tells me I'm the most beautiful person he has ever met, that he wishes he made these mistakes with someone else and not me. That he hopes that we'll end up together after he figures things out.

As much as I want to give him the space he needs, I miss him so much everyday and I can't stop thinking that maybe we could try again after so so many failed attempts. I feel insane. Every time we've met up after our break up, he can't keep his hands off me, tells me he loves me constantly and yet being in a relationship makes him feel terrible. Is he in love or does he just love the person I am? I don't know why I can't just move on.

He is neither in love nor are you two well suited. Your relationship has been codependent from the onset. It started with you relying on him after your friends suicide and you making him your soul focus. This intensified a still fledgling relationship and triggered in him the feelings of "too much, too fast".

You broke up 5 months ago but have been in constant communication and still sleeping together. This has to stop. Your friends are all tired of the high drama of your constant struggles. Which would end if you leave each other alone. For at least the summer, if not longer. You cannot use the person you broke up with to get over the break up.