Need advice should I leave cheating boyfriend, what would you do?

Hi

Really need some sound advice, been with my boyfriend for 8 years, nd I caught him emailing some girl nd calling her gorgeous. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about, and I believed him bcuz I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he didnt know I hadhis password so I checked his account a week later and found some really flirty emails mostly from his side to the same girl, a girl he sees at college's, so I confronted him, he apologised profusely, said he felt lonely and just wanted someone to want him. i got very angry for a few days but eventually told him last night if he was willing to cut off contact with this person then we could work at moving on. He agreed to this, but today I just feel so low, so betrayed, I thought I cld trust this man with my life, now I dont no wat to think. I went through his computer today nd found some old dating website that he ws getting messages from From about a year ago.

What I want to no is do u think this is a deal breaker, should I just dump him nd move on as ill always be wondering if hes up to something or should I put effort into rebuilding the relationship. Were both 33 nd wer just about to start trying for a baby. Which just makes the whole situation worse.

Thanx

Elisha

I would go by his record ... which is that he has shown you more than once that he lies and you cannot trust him. At all. Whatever you do, do NOT have a baby with him!! You WILL end up being a single mother. I would head for the hills, but that's just me.

Thanks for your reply Capricorn 3

Part of me wants to run the other part is trying to rationise things cuz I no weve had a tough few years, with both our fathers passing away in ghe last 2 years. Nd I no ive pushed him away alot, Im already a single mother with a 15 year old daughter but I wouldnt wNt to do it again On my own. Im just so mad that Ive spent 8 years on this guy. Nd find it hard to end it. I wouldnt know if I have the strength to end it.

elisha x

You've both had it hard, but unlike him, you haven't lied to him or cheated on him.

Fair is fair. Leave.

Unless you want to spend the rest of this relationship (or at least the next extended time period of it) checking up on him on his computer, then there's no point continuing. I realize it's been eight years but that's not a reason to stay in something that isn't healthy. No trust, no relationship.

8 years is a long time. For ME, it's a deal breaker and I would probably leave.

I don't think trying for a baby is the best idea right now, so I really think you should put that off. Children are NOT a relationship saver and they are FOREVER. What is he doing emailing some girl because he's lonely? He should be talking to YOU. I don't like this. And I don't think you should just try and put this one away.

Deal breaker.

Don't stay in a relationship, due to time invested. He has lied and cheated, three times that you know of.

You have the info you need, it is your responsibility to act on it.

Yes, you should leave him. And no, you shouldn't put any effort into rebuilding the relationship, because he hasn't and isn't. You need both people to be on the same page, to agree to the same set of standards, values and codes of conduct or it won't work no matter how much one partner wants it and the other one pays it lip service only.

What has he done, not said, but really physically gone and done to change himself and his views and need to cheat? Anything? Nothing? Three times that you know of, probably more, isn't just a once in a lifetime oops, that's a set pattern known as being a chronic cheater. Unless he does some serious therapy for a year or more he's not going to change and you can't change him.

So the question here really becomes do you keep letting him cheat on you and play you, because you know he will again, or do you walk away and regain your self-respect and self-esteem. And not let him put you at risk for lord only knows what on top of everything else.

And please, please, please don't bring a child into this world with this man. Not unless you're prepared to end up alone raising a child by yourself. He can't even stay faithful to you, why on earth would you think he could possibly do that with a child in the mix???? The number of posts I see on here from women who went ahead and had kids with men who were cheating on them or had other serious red flag behaviors now crying when said guy dumps them and doesn't pay child support are legion. Guarantee you'll join their ranks and potentially ruin a child's life in the process.

So no babies. Look I've raised three kids, mostly as a single mother, and I will be blunt here. As much as I love my kids I'm going to state the truth--they add a whole level of stress and new problems that, unless you have a rock solid sane, healthy sustainable relationship with someone, will more likely end things a whole lot faster. No bad relationship was ever improved by bringing a child into the mix, just more baby mommas now with deadbeat or absent dads. You think he cheats on you now? Wait until you have a crying sick baby and the house hasn't been cleaned--he'll be off so fast where it's someplace he doesn't have to have any responsibility or do any hard work it will make your head spin. He already does that and you don't even have kids, so nope he is not going to now change into someone brand new just because you have his baby. Sorry, chronic cheaters are themselves often to infantile and too need-based/impulse-based to ever make truly decent, selfless parents.

I suggest couples counseling instead if you're going to insist on the insanity of staying with this man.