Pleas help! Ex broke up with me but I see him daily

Hi all

My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago out of th blue. I was really shocked and traumatized as this was the first relationship I've been in after my divorce. I thought we were doing really good and he always said he never had a connection like this with anyone else. He initially was very clingy and adored me so much, more than what i felt. But I began to fall for him really hard and then he took a step back and broke it off with me.

 

The problem is that we are in school together and have the same classes pretty much. We will be in school in the same program for another year. It's been really awkward when see each other. At first after the break up I ignored him and waited for him to approach me and when neither of us did, he blasts me in text message saying I was rude and that we didn't end on bad terms so why I had to act line that. But the truth is that it is jus too painful for me. Now it is still awkward when we see each other and barely acknowledge each other.

 

He has texted me twice to see if everything was ok but I didn't respond. I've been nc for 3 weeks now. I don't kno how else to heal. Our classes are small, like 15 -20 ppl. I just don't kno how to get over him. It hurts me so much when I see him knowing he doesn't want me anymore and I miss him so much. He said he had ptsd from being a combat veteran and he his emotions just shut off. I don't kno if that's true or an excuse as he seems totally fine when I see him at school. Can you please help me to cope and deal with this situation.

I think if I was in this situation I would make an effort to be friendly for the sake of college. I know it means being fake but you are going to have a miserable experience in school if you are literally avoiding him and being awkward around him. Maintain NC when out of school. But at school a friendly Hi should ease the awkwardness until it becomes easier.....which it will. In time.

No real way out of this one and I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

 

Best thing to do is tell him outright you need space and time, be civil. As for your healing get out and exercise, get in the sun, keep yourself busy.

 

One thing I have learnt is not to date/realationship anybody in my social circle, work, classes or groups that I'm involved in.

 

 

One thing I have learnt is not to date/realationship anybody in my social circle, work, classes or groups that I'm involved in.

 

I never get this. Thats the ONLY way I meet men that I get to know and like. Don't most people meet their husband/wife in the work place?

I never get this. Thats the ONLY way I meet men that I get to know and like. Don't most people meet their husband/wife in the work place?

I think "in the workplace" and "working together" are two different areas, though. While I wouldn't date anyone at my work, I can certainly understand cross-departmental dating or something where there isn't a lot of daily contact. But dating someone you work next to screams "bad idea" to me.

 

I also had the same rule in college, at least as far as class groups go. If I had a cute girl in my group and knew I'd be working with her all term, I might ask her out toward the end of the term, but definitely not in the beginning or the middle of it.

 

I personally don't care if I see an ex after the fact. I've found that the inverse hasn't been true. I try to avoid that drama.

My x fiance is the coach of my competitive soccer team so I see him 3x (at least) per week.

To make it worse, he technically has power of me in that he can determine whether I play or ride the bench.

He even has the "right" to yell at me during drills if I'm not giving it my all.

What do I do?

DEAL WITH IT.

You had a life before him, you'll have a life after him.

You can still be surrounded by him and ignore him.

I'm sure there are 2-3 people in that class who's name you don't even know, lol.

He can become one of said people.

You can put emotional space if not physical space.

I never get this. Thats the ONLY way I meet men that I get to know and like. Don't most people meet their husband/wife in the work place?

 

 

Some do, I work in a large company and have seen so many hook ups in this place that I couldn't do it. I don't play in the same place I work just a rule of thumb for me to bypass drama. I don't want any conflict you have with a partner spilling over into the workplace or group. In saying that there is a woman I'm interested in at my workplace but I'm not willing to take the chance while I still work there or have daily contact with.

what sucks is that, this is my first time getting involved with someone at school or work (im in my 30's) and was very skeptical to get serious with him but he kept reassuring me that things would be different and that he was so in love with me and couldn't see any reason for it not working out. I knew it was a gamble but was hoping we would at least last closer to until we graduate next year. I just don't get how someone can flip like that. He said I was the first girl he met that made him want to be married.

 

Today is 3 weeks exactly that ive had nc. He texted me 2 weeks ago but I didn't respond. I don't kno if I did the right thing by not responding but I just kno that I am not emotionally ready to have contact with him. Im not even emotionally ready to see him in school either and it has really affected my studies. Its so weird because the entire class knows whats going on and its been awkward for my friends too.

 

I have been really trying to take care of myself and well being esp since I have 2 kids. Ive been working out like crazy and it does make me feel better and more confident but I jus cant seem to shake this longing for him.

Is it possible that he will start to have feelings for me again when I see him or do you think he has moved on and there is no chance?

Is it possible that he will start to have feelings for me again when I see him or do you think he has moved on and there is no chance?

 

How long were you 2 together???

We were together for only 6 months BUT things got serious really fast. Im annoyed and upset because it was him that insisted that he couldn't control how much he was in love with me and went as far as to tell me that he wanted to change his religion for me. He even showed me how he wanted his wedding band to be, etc etc. I wanted to point out he is also in his mid 30's. I just don't get why a man would lead someone on to believe that he wanted something long term if he didn't really want it. Seriously why would he say all those things?

 

Sometimes it got to a point where he wanted to be with me all the time and it inconvenienced me but I made it work because I wanted to see him too. We both came out of long term relationships and were both the opposite of our exes so it was really refreshing to be together since we learned a lot from our experiences and we also had a lot in common.

Gemini007,

 

6 months is not a longtime to be with someone. Maybe the honeymoon stage had passed??? Is he stressed in someway??? There could be many factors as to why he has backed off and broke up with you. I'm a guy and I have done this myself, men do this when we get stressed or need time to think as we don't open up and retreat into a cave as we call it.

 

As I said be civil, no need to be mean or lash out at him. Work on yourself and your kids, also make sure the kids are ok, my youngest went through a very bad time after my break up as he bonded closely with her which effected me more than the breakup to start with.

You guys moved too fast. To be discussing marriage and changing religion in the first 6 months of a relationships is .... a bit mad.

 

I know how easy it is to get carried away with the 'in love' feeling but really when you have 2 kids you need to take it slowly and easy.... as you are now discovering.

 

For whatever reason he has now decided that he doesn't want it anymore. Try to chalk this up to experience.

 

What if you found out you had only one year to live...you wouldn't stay pining over him would you? You have 2 children, you're in college moving on with your life and doing great. Enjoy it. Maybe he'll change his mind, maybe not. But for now focus on the good stuff in your life and don't let a 6 month relationship that didn't get past the honeymoon phase ruin what you have achieved so far.

Thank you for your responses.

 

I have a little update. So I went out last nite with friends from school and he showed up at close to midnite. Before I left I asked him if we could talk because the awkwardness is not going away and it's even affecting my friends. I told him why I couldn't respond to his texts but that I wanted to be able to be friendly when we see each other. I really didn't want to break the nc but I felt that it was the right thing to do last nite.

 

He said that it had been really hard on him as well and that not a day goes by that he doesn't think that he may have made a mistake and that he has never felt this for anyone else and doesn't think he ever will. He said that after the fact that I said he had lead me on. He got really upset when I said that and told me all this. I'm trying so hard not to believe him. Because if he really missed me as he said wouldn't he jus straight out call me and say he is rethinking his decision? I started getting my hopes up becaue he said I looked really nice and made me look in his eyes when he was telling me all this. My friends have told me not to believe him as he jus misses the attention I was giving him. Tell me what do u guys honestly think

It could be a few things....He really like you but got spooked by how fast it all went, OR he really likes you but not enough.

 

I don't think he led you on. I think you both moved too fast before you really knew each other.

 

As to what he said....who knows? Until he says he wants to try again it doesn't mean anything. He realizes now how seriously he has affected your life and he will think hard about what his next move is rest assured. You, however should operate on the premise that he broke up with you because he wanted to. I'm sorry, I know it hurts.

You're right Charity, I must go about my day not thinking what he means or feels. It's so hard to not overanalayze. It's going to be a very difficult summer since we have a whole summer or classes together all day but I have to do my best in refocusing my life on myself. Wish me luck!

I do wish you luck. Be happy that after your divorce you can still love and experience passion. And you will again! For now , good job going to school..enjoy your life xxx

I have another update, We've been texting bac and forth and the other nite I told him that I don't need to hear that he misses me unless and wants me back and he replied "I miss u" and he said he has been re thinking the break up from day one. He said he needs to see me in person and speak to me but he still had some reservations. I'm so nervous. I don't know if he really wants to get back together or he jus wants me to know how he feels and doesnt really want to be together. Am I making any sense? I'm going to see him sometime during this week. What do you think?

Also last nite he texted me that he had been thinking about me all day and wanted to text me in the morning. I just don't want to be lead on. He shouldn't be saying these things unless he really wants to get back together right?

I think he is confused and missing you.

 

It's important that he knows why he broke up with you in the first place and that he addresses that.

If it's because he didn't like something in you then than that is not good because he has simply forgotten that thing now that you are apart but it will resurface when back together and likely he will break up again.

 

If however the reason was something in him (afraid to commit, got scared etc) then it may work as he can work on himself.

 

But you don't want to go through all this again so insists that he takes his time and thinks about this. You have children correct? If so, remember that ALL your choices affect them at some point or another so choose wisely.