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Became the CRAZY EX BF. WHAT NOW?


jssteele89

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So my ex is with someone else. We dated for 2 years, I wanted to be with her and she wasn't willing to work on us. This happened a week ago. Since then in the past week I texted her 4 times, and called her 4 times. She never responded to anything. The last time I called her NEW boyfriend picked up the phone and told me to stop calling her. I know it's pretty bad. Obviously I will never contact her again. What are the odds of her ever contacting me again? From a girls perspective if your ex bf did that, what would you think? would you ever give him another chance if things didn't work out with the new guy

 

Thank you

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Right now you are in a desperate and lonely place and would hear anything good to give you some hope ....in a few weeks time you will look back on this and know you have more self respect than to even want to be there waiting for her if it all goes wrong with the new man .

So for now just concentrate on NOT contacting her again ...if she wanted you badly enough then these phonecalls and texts wont put her off ..however if you carry on her not wanting to be with you will eventually turn into hate .

 

Just carry on with your life , one day at a time and accept that it is indeed over ...no one knows the future for each other ..you/we have to live in the moment and at the moment she has gone and you need to hold your head up high and keep your self respect . This will get easier .

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Agreed. It's only been a couple days and I'm already start to calm down and gaining self respect back. A little back story I took time off from our relationship about 3 months ago, and tried to get back together with her. At that time she told me she had already met someone else. So at this point It would take a miracle for her to contact me again.

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Yeah what's with that? Is that not controlling to answer your GF's phone like that? Am i wrong to think that or maybe not. I was a little surprised. I had called 2-3 times though that day.

 

No, she probably asked him to do that so that you get the message and quit bothering her.

 

She has clearly moved on from you even before you two broke up. Time for you to focus on moving on as well. It sounds an awful lot like she already had the new guy lined before she dumped you. Not a girl you want in your life.

 

Go hit the gym, call up some friends and go out and hang out. Time for you to regain control of yourself and shift your focus away from her. Not only will you feel better, but in a short while you'll look back and realize just how much she wasn't ever worth your time.

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I would focus more on the fact that she dumped you after finding a replacement. The chances of this going forward,and re-establishing your relationship after she cheated on you are slim to none.

 

Hopefully you'll eventually come to the conclusion that you dodged a bullet.

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Here's the thing. She's decided the leave the relationship for whatever reason. Don't be that guy that acts out and gives her more validation on top of her initial reasons for leaving.

You are probably aware you have gone from the ex bf to the crazy ex bf as mentioned in your title. You could be sneaking up on a restraining order.. . just sayin'

What ever fond memories or second thoughts she may have had will be replaced. . with `thank goodness I made the right decision'

Have some self respect and don't do this to yourself.

I am sorry you're hurting. . I makes us be someone we are not. . but you are an adult. .so practice some self control.

Take care!

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I know. Like I said I will not contact her ever again. I'll accept it as it is. But yes breakups make you do things that you thought you'd never do. They really are some of the worst feelings you can feel in your life. It never ceases to amaze me how bad they can affect your life. Unfortunately, I had a lot of guilt from this relationship which isn't helping

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From a girls perspective if your ex bf did that, what would you think? would you ever give him another chance if things didn't work out with the new guy

 

So far, I'd be quite annoyed that you hadn't figured out that I don't want to talk to you right now. BUT if you stop the contact IMMEDIATELY, and 'disappear' into your own life, then maybe a few months down the line she'll get curious, and have gained some respect for you for backing off. Maybe things will end with this new guy, maybe it won't. By that time, (you won't be able to imagaine it right now), you might have found someone else also and you'll no longer be interested in this ex!

 

I have been the CRAZY EX GF, I'm going through it again now tbh, basically harrassed an ex begging to give things one more try. Eventually decided to restore the scrap of dignity I had left and concentrated on my job and creating a social life without him. After all that, he contacted me out the blue to wish me the best and good luck for going back to uni which I had talked about years before. So she's not going to forget you.

 

Good luck going forward jsteele!

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I know. Like I said I will not contact her ever again. I'll accept it as it is. But yes breakups make you do things that you thought you'd never do. They really are some of the worst feelings you can feel in your life. It never ceases to amaze me how bad they can affect your life. Unfortunately, I had a lot of guilt from this relationship which isn't helping

 

oh hell yeah ..we have all gone to crazy town, what you did is a drop in the ocean to some of the things i have read / seen ... it is awful , I have always felt deep sadness for anyone at this stage ..the crazy stage , because they are acting out of pain and real heartbreak .

 

look all this guilt and mistakes you made ..you have to just learn from them ..if you behaved in the relationship in a way you are not happy about , then that is your learning ..make sure it doesn't happen in your next ... just take it all ... work out yourself why you did/said what you did ... and make your peace with it .

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Unfortunately, I had a lot of guilt from this relationship which isn't helping

 

All you can do is recognise the mistakes you made and think about how you'll deal with similar scenarios in the future. It's sooo draining because you think if you just say or do a certain thing you can fix the past. I wish there was a magic pill that wiped break up pain away. There's probably a few in mind but not legally obtainable lol

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The funny thing I have learned from past mistakes ha. My very first big breakup (my sons mom) I went insane. I mean I was 2 minutes away from a restraining order. I didn't know go that crazy with this one nearly.

 

I had an intensely insane situation with someone about 7 years ago ... and believe me , when I came out of that and saw it all for what it was I vowed and I mean vowed to myself that I would never ever allow myself to get down there again .

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We have all been there in some form or another. You were obviously really hurt by this, and I don't blame you; I don't know the context of your break up or what you were saying when you contacted her, but having someone you care about and are heart broken over just blatantly ignore you is awful, and she should have at least talked to you. After 2 years seeing someone,finding out they have moved on is painful and if I were in her shoes, I'd at least be willing to talk about it. Unless you were saying aggressive/ abusive things somehow in your contact with her after you found out about the new bf, I don't think you became a crazy ex - just an ex who didn't really get closure.

 

No one knows the odds of her contacting you again, but I think you need to shift your focus away from winning her in any way, or hoping she will contact you. You need to heal so you can find someone new for YOU who is actually right for you. If I were you, I would work hard to stop thinking about what the chances are of her reaching out to you ever, or things not working out with the new guy. Just accept that she's with someone new and she has set you free to do the same in time.

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Great advice. Yes, I feel like I haven't gotten closure. I would have liked to say bye to her in person. She DID talk to me on phone numerous times but would not meet up in person. I thought about going up to work because more than likely she would talk to me. After I've bugged her and stuff, and showed up to her work I'm sure she would think I'm literally a psycho though. If I were to say show up to her work in 3 -4 months just to say hi, would that be weird? I would have loved to have seen her one more time. 3-4 months is quite a while too..

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I know. Like I said I will not contact her ever again. I'll accept it as it is. But yes breakups make you do things that you thought you'd never do. They really are some of the worst feelings you can feel in your life. It never ceases to amaze me how bad they can affect your life. Unfortunately, I had a lot of guilt from this relationship which isn't helping

 

You are going to have a series of relationships in your life. And they will end, sometimes on good terms and sometimes not. Forget about the failures of your relationship and now focus on managing the "after-relationship". Which includes dealing with your grief and frustration in a private and controlled manner.

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As others have said, we've all been there and behaved in ways wished we hadn't.

My best friend when through a horrible breakup and her behaviors were shocking. Even for her. . lol

I made her promise me that whenever she felt the urge to act out to call me instead. . any time of day or night.

It helped. . some. .I think.

I know it might have helped me.

Do you have a friend to call in these moments?

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If I were to say show up to her work in 3 -4 months just to say hi, would that be weird? I would have loved to have seen her one more time. 3-4 months is quite a while too..

 

No, don't do it. If an ex of mine showed up out of the blue at my work I would freak out.

 

There is no need for you to say hi. It is over, she is done, she has a new bf.

 

Leave her alone & start to move on!!

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