Heartbroken...Is it really over?

Hi, this place has been great for me for the last 4 months but I have decided I really need your opinions.

I was in a relationship for the last 8 years to a guy who I love so much. we met when I was 18 he was 24, I moved in with him nearly 2 years later and I thought things were great between us. He ended it suddenly 4 months ago and i'm devastated. I really thought I would spend the rest of my life with him.

He said we had drifted apart the last few months and it wasn't working. I found out 3 days later it was for a girl in his work. When I asked him about her he initially denied it but then came clean and said he liked the attention she was giving him at work, she was asking him to go for lunch together, telling him she liked him, how well they got on but knew they shouldn't be speaking like that as she knows about me! ( I found and read all the texts!)

I will admit I was busy with work which involved doing a course at night (maybe 4 nights a month at most) but I ad worked so hard for that job over the last 4 years to get to where I am now (its a specialised field and jobs rarely come available).

Now this is where it sucks, we had spoken about starting a family only last summer, even agreed on names that we had liked, we had agreed in October to go on an amazing trip overseas with his family to a family wedding and his brother told me that on Christmas day he was telling them all how excited he was to go on this holiday as we were going to go a week ahead of everyone else to spend time alone, then less than 2 weeks later he ended it?!?

We spoke a few days after we split up for hours, him crying saying how much I had done for him and hell never forget that, he ended that night saying we can see how we are feeling in a few months time, I told him it all or nothing and he chose nothing, but said he wants me in his life and cant lose me?

So we stopped contact for a 6/7 weeks as I told him I couldn't pretend I was fine when I wasn't and him texting wasn't helping me. I had to text him regarding mail and we ended up texting again for a few days every 2 weeks or so.

He text me last week as a mutual friend had a baby and he wanted to let me know, we started texting again and then he started apologising. I didn't ant to do it over text so asked to meet up and chat, which he agreed too.

We walked for hours and talked about mutual friends and about us. I asked him if he had fallen out of love with me which he said no, I'm still in love with you. He told me he misses me and still had feelings but doesn't see how we can get back together because of the texts I saw. He said there is nothing going on between them and there never was, the texts were sent after a work night out when they were drunk but nothing physical has happened. I told him I needed to know his feelings and he started crying saying he cant lose me from his life but just wants to stay friends right now.

I am so torn as I love him sooooooo much and want to spend the rest of my life with him but cant tell what he wants? Do you think its over? Should I move on and stop speaking to him?

Sorry for the long post but I am still crying everyday over this, I have lost my best friend, boyfriend and lover and just want him back.

Sometimes just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. Maybe he just needs time to figure it out. While i dont recommend sitting on thr back burner waiting for him, I do suggesting giving him the time he needs. You were together for a long time. Let him miss you. Don't be so quick to respond to his texts or calls. Perhaps you may try doing things thst make you happy to keep yourself entertained. I think its good to set limits with yourself and say if things haven't resolved themself by such and such time than I have to move on but I wouldn't tell him that because he might feel the pressure and run. If you are meant to be together you will be. That may involve one or both of you casually dating other people for the time being.

'He said there is nothing going on between them and there never was, the texts were sent after a work night out when they were drunk but nothing physical has happened'

You can read this as it didn't work out, and then they dumped me. Seriously, get some pride. This guy is trying to work his way back in to your good books, how would you feel being dumped TWICE by this guy?

Sometimes just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. Maybe he just needs time to figure it out. While i dont recommend sitting on thr back burner waiting for him, I do suggesting giving him the time he needs. You were together for a long time. Let him miss you. Don't be so quick to respond to his texts or calls. Perhaps you may try doing things thst make you happy to keep yourself entertained. I think its good to set limits with yourself and say if things haven't resolved themself by such and such time than I have to move on but I wouldn't tell him that because he might feel the pressure and run. If you are meant to be together you will be. That may involve one or both of you casually dating other people for the time being.

Do you think this really works? Not to jump in on this thread, but I'm going through the same thing and trying to convince myself of the same thing. My ex and I were together a long time and he all of a sudden "needed space" and wants time apart to figure things out. So I'm trying to go a few weeks NC. I'm just scared that he won't come back. We have such a long history together and so many memories that I don't want to give up, and he tells me he doesn't want to give up either.