dont know what to do

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years. We love eachother very much and have our futures vested in eachother. This is my first relationship, and I have messed up a lot, with lies. I never before realized how they could affect a relationship so much. I have owned my mistakes and I have promised to fix the relationship, which I want to do badly. However lately I have been questioning the relationship, not if I want to be in it, but if it will work. She has tried very hard over the last couple months, and we have agreed on a clean slate. However its apparent all the time she can't get over it, she dwells all the time. I understand I am the one who put us here, but I also am giving everything I can to fix it, and I'm beginning to feel resentful. I know she is doing everything she can to put it past us, but I am beginning to doubt she can. I am in constant regret, and its to the point my emmotional and mental health is coming into question. Last night I told her I was having my doubts, given it was horrible timing and in the middle of a tiff, where it just blurted out. I hoped that after explaining I came accross wrong and just wanted to tell her how I felt and have a conversation. She got very angry, asked me how I could feel that way after all I've done. I said I can't help it but I want to talk through it. She is just upset and can't believe it, which makes me feel my feelings are not of importance, and I questionly here emmotional maturity, and even mine. I am looking for some insight of what to do and how to handle it. Its extremely more sensitive since I am the one who created the problem. But I ask myself to what extent should we torture oursleves to make somthing work? We both want it to, but I don't know if either of us have the maturity to do so. Thank you to all that respond

The emotional maturity you should be questioning is your own.

Lies are lies --- and erode trust. Hard to believe you didn't know that.

And to tell her that you are having doubts because she cannot simply forget your immature behavior --- while in the middle of another fight --- shows that you really don't think before you speak. Part of being an adult is NOT saying every thought that comes into our head. It's called "self censoring".

I think that there is really no foundation of worth here to create a strong relationship and perhaps it is time to throw in the towel.

I have question my own, I actually put that in the response. Thank you for your honesty

Your post is full of contradictions. You love her but you have doubts. You promise to fix the relationship but she just needs to get over it.

It sounds to me like there were more than just lies going on. What really happened? Did you cheat?

Either way, trust is a big damn deal. Once it is not there, every thing else gets questioned. It is not something you can just decide to get over and trust someone again. It is something that has to be built. That is done by you being completely open and transparent with her from now on, not so that she can just get over it, but because that will be the dynamic of your relationship from now on. It is how healthy relationships are. Secrets kill relationships. If you have to hide something, you should not be doing it. So be honest and open and do not hide things and always tell the truth and eventually the trust will return. It will take some time though and she will continue to test whether or not you are being truthful. That is the way trust is rebuilt.

What were the lies you were telling her? Were they big ones, small ones? How often were they?

No I did not cheat, I would never even think to. I love her, but I am doubting if we will work, Its not that I simply want forgivness, I want to prove it to her and rebuild a happy relationship but I do know its a two way street, even if one is miles longer than the other. I have been transparent, I want her to trust me, and I don't expect it to come back over the course of a week, or a month, (its been almost 6). I just doubt the abillity, which is in no way a fault of her's, but my own. She is very insecure, which is why I lied, not an excuse, just a reason. its clear to me now its a horrible way to go about things. I just wonder if its unsalvageable.

What were the lies? About another girl?

OK. You told us what the lies were not; you didn't cheat. But what were the lies? Just remember that once trust is broken, it's hard as hell to get it back. You can't blame her for that. The bigger the lies, the harder it will be for her to move on.

Only you both know if you have the maturity to make this work so I can't really answer that. You both need to move on and keep her happy as you can, try couples counselling maybe? I don't know how old you are but you both sound like you have separate issues to work on in order to make this work, maybe start by making a list of what each of you can improve on and see how it goes x

The emotional maturity you should be questioning is your own.

 

Lies are lies --- and erode trust. Hard to believe you didn't know that.

 

And to tell her that you are having doubts because she cannot simply forget your immature behavior --- while in the middle of another fight --- shows that you really don't think before you speak. Part of being an adult is NOT saying every thought that comes into our head. It's called "self censoring".

 

I think that there is really no foundation of worth here to create a strong relationship and perhaps it is time to throw in the towel.

This response says it all!

I'm curious what you did?