Ex has new GF - why does it bother me?

Hi all - My ex of a year and half has already gotten into a new relationship. I'm no longer friends with him on Fbook but mutual friends informed me that his relationship became "official" March 11.... about a month after me ending things. However, a week before he started dating her, he was still texting me saying he loved me.. blah blah blah. I can still see his instagram and hers (I realize I should probably block both accounts)... he's sending her flowers and gifts.. everything. I was the one to end things with this guy.. twice actually. We had a great connection, but ultimately the relationship was toxic. When he drank too much he would lash out at me. Even in our final conversation, he couldn't say anything nice to me. We were on two different paths in our lives. I have posted more on the relationship.. not sure how to post the threads.

My questions are: Why do I care so much about this and am obsessing over it.. when I know he's not the right guy for me? Towards the end, there was no way I could see him as my husband or the father of my children. So why do I care so much that he's moved on? As bad as things got, I ultimately do want him to be happy.

Also, how DID he move on so fast? From my last post, most people have said that it's a rebound. How can you go from one serious relationship to another in such a short amount of time? I was the one who ended things, but I can't imagine dating someone else from everything we went through and all the feelings that were involved.

How do I get this all out of my head?!!!

Dude. It doesn't matter who ended it or why, it's still a break up, so it's gonna hurt when he moves on to someone new, especially if you're not over it yet. Calm down!

It doesn't matter why he moved on so fast, how he feels about her, why he was texting you loved you, how he felt about you, etc. None of that matters, and as soon as you stop even focusing on him and what he's doing with his life, you'll feel better. But you are not going to feel better stalking his (and HER? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER FEED??) Instagram feeds. Why are you doing that? STOP IT!

Seriously, there were reasons you broke it off, they were EXTREMELY valid, and you won't move on fully until you stop giving him any of your time and thought. That takes time, give yourself that, and stop setting yourself back in the healing process by looking at anything having to do with him is going to put you wayyy behind in the process. Who cares how he moved on so fast? Time for YOU to move on.

Maybe try to look at it a little differently. It's over with him. You said yourself that there's no way you could see him as your husband or father of your kids. Things weren't great, but I imagine you wish him well right? Breakups are very painful, especially when you are the one dumped. If this makes him feel better- whether it's a temporary thing or the girl he ends up marrying- so be it.

You are both still hurting from the break up. Yes the dumper feels pain too, that's normal! He will be in a rebound relationship now, because he will still be dealing with the hurt he feels over you. Consciously or not he is in a rebound.

it always hurts to hear that your ex has moved on.

I hear a lot of talking about what your relationship was like, how things ended, and him. I don't hear anything about what you are doing with your life. Focus on you and your life now, not on him and your life then. As long as you are looking in the rear view mirror you are going to miss it. I believe we are the most happy the more present we are - not dreaming too much of the past and the future. Most vices people succumb to reflect this, helping to be focusing agents on the here and now.

No matter how it ended, you did and do still care for him. You have to find a way to accept that and move on. He has shaped your life in a profound way, and that is special, and you don't need to be in each others lives any more to continue on the path that you are partly on because of him.

Close off the windows that you still have open - instagram, mutual friends (don't talk to me about him guys) - and open some new windows. Whether that be cooking class, dating new people, going on adventures with friends, whatever. These feelings will pass quicker than you might think when you stop feeding into them.

Stop watering the weeds and start watering some flowers!

Also bare in mind that it won't be long before she stays experiencing the same negative things he did to you. It may appear wonderful which hurts to see but you know what This guy was like. Not what you wanted! I know how hard it is to not to remember the good times but maybe make a list of things you didn't like and reflect on those things a little more.

Thanks everyone. It's obvious I'm causing my own pain at this point. As all of you said, I need to stop looking in the past and move forward...

I tend to have a hard time letting things go... need to stay strong!! Thanks for support!!