Return the Ex's lingerie

The ex is coming to pick up her things tomorrow after she ended the 4 year relationship. I've got everything packed except for a bag full of lingerie I bought her. Now, I've put the lingerie she bought herself in the boxes. These ones she bought are from near the end of our relationship and I don't have much ties to (some are unworn or worn once or not at all - ironic because she bought some days before the breakup). I also didn't pick them.

However, for some reason I keep taking out/putting back/taking out the huge amount I bought for her to wear for me (most early in the relationship). It may sound odd. But, I feel that perhaps because I picked them out for her to wear for me that they kind of belong to me in a way. The look of a particular item on her is something I wanted and I don't want someone else to have it or see it! (Gosh that sounds weird). I took so much time to pick them and find them. They were always worn for me (some were actually never worn because she didn't like them).

The thought of her wearing them for someone else when I picked it out for my fantasy absolutely makes me sick. I am also wondering if she may already be with someone else and I would just be just giving them many fun nights!

Should I just put them away somewhere and throw them out when I'm ready. Or would it be more beneficial for me to just return them as well and let it go? There is a sense of calm, also closure, and the thought I won't have to deal the pain of burning them in the future, when I put it in the box, but perhaps I won't be so calm in the coming months when I imagine her wearing them for someone else. Perhaps just ask her what she would like to do with it when collecting? She may just say yuck and burn it, if she seems excited I could just go ummm I might throw this away actually. :sulkiness: Thoughts?

Dude, just give them to her. Or throw them out if you can't bring yourself to. Don't hang on to them. Get rid of them asap. It obviously has an emotional trigger for you that you really don't need.

throw them out or give them to her...DON'T keep them!

Don't keep them.

I would advise you to throw them out instantly. If the thought of her wearing them for someone else plagues you, then it's probably best not to give them back just for a small bit of piece of mind. But don't keep them.

I never planned on keeping them forever. Just put it away with the other nostalgia creating items until I had moved on and was ready to throw them out.

I just don't know if it's better to give them to her with the way my brain see-saws.

You don't want to be that guy with a drawer full of rotting panties.

Either return them or toss. Just toss.

I never planned on keeping them forever. Just put it away with the other nostalgia creating items until I had moved on and was ready to throw them out.

 

I just don't know if it's better to give them to her with the way my brain see-saws.

It's detrimental to moving on to keep them, it will hold you back even if only the slightest bit. As everyone has said either give them to her or throw them out but don't keep them.

Or do it like in that crazy Taylor Swift Music Video. Cut them up and give them back to her. LOL

Or, and I'm just putting this out there, send them to me. I would appreciate them.

What???? No I am not a pervert. At least not a big one. I just like what I like. Oh forget it then. Narrowminded people, Geez.

please don't be one of those weird guys that keep ex's lingeries after a break up.....even for a day

If you keep them until you are ready....knowing they are in a drawer (kinda creepy). The day comes ---- you open the drawer AND picture her with another man.

Groundhog day in the making. Toss them now.

The only reason I would hold on to them instead of tossing them out is for the same reason I haven't destroyed all the other items that remind me of her - because we could end up back together in the near future. In the short term I box all that up and check it in the closet. In the near future (when I'm mentally ready) I throw it all out.

So, I guess I'm more asking - give them to her (and suffer the unease of her using them with a new guy) or not (and destroy them "soon" - perhaps suffering in the short term if the fact that they exist still with me) ?

Bad, bad idea. You're just holding on to the past. Make a clean break.

The only reason I would hold on to them instead of tossing them out is for the same reason I haven't destroyed all the other items that remind me of her - because we could end up back together in the near future. In the short term I box all that up and check it in the closet. In the near future (when I'm mentally ready) I throw it all out.

 

So, I guess I'm more asking - give them to her (and suffer the unease of her using them with a new guy) or not (and destroy them "soon" - perhaps suffering in the short term if the fact that they exist still with me) ?

Well, if you are going to get back together AGAIN, why destroy them?

You really need to accept this is done.

Give it to her just like you would give her any gifts that she then left at your place.

Keeping them is a way of keeping hope alive that you will together again one day. What if she comes back and I don't have them for her to wear? Really???

The only way to ever have a chance of healing in a decent amount of time is to rid yourself of things that drag you back into the past. It is over so accept it.

Besides say you forget about them and one day your new gf is looking for a place to put her things at your place and comes accross your memory chest. Awkward!!!

I always tell people to make it easy on themselves after a break up, what you are proposing by keeping them is the opposite of that.

Lost

I think it might be because I think of them like I think of condoms. I bought them for mine and our pleasure. I wouldn't give her my unused condoms (the ones she liked) which I bought for us to use. But at the same time I have those hidden away in the same box with the lingerie.

I wouldn't really say that I think of them as gifts. I just bought them for her to wear for me and to increase her sexual arousal (as perverted as this all sounds).

You bought them for her (no, you bought them for her to wear ---- for you)

to increase her sexual arousal (again, no --- you bought them for your sexual arousal).

So --- since you bought them for yourself, keep 'em. And continue to use them for your sexual arousal.

On a slight side note. I see many recommendations for people to put things away that remind them on an ex and destroy them/donate them etc when they are ready. I would find it detrimental to destroy gifts she gave me at this point in my healing.

You bought them for her (no, you bought them for her to wear ---- for you)

to increase her sexual arousal (again, no --- you bought them for your sexual arousal).

 

So --- since you bought them for yourself, keep 'em. And continue to use them for your sexual arousal.

Uhh don't think I would re-use them!

If revisting your sex life with your ex by playing with her lingerie gets you off, who are we to judge.

Uhh don't think I would re-use them!

I certainly don't mean with another woman ----ugggh.

I meant --- YOU want them for a reason.

Rather than keep them as a tool to fuel your anger, etc, the honorable thing to do is return them to her, after all they were a gift.

I think you should return them too. They are hers.

I wouldn't worry so much about her reusing them with another man. First of all, most people wouldn't do that anyways. Second of all, if she is or when she does get with another man, you having the lingerie or not is not going to stop whatever it is she wants to do. Well I've got the lingerie so, she can't play out those fantasies with another man. Nope, doesn't work like that. It gives you a false sense of control.