I can't stop wondering if/what he ever thinks about me.

Just feeling sad tonight... Even if nobody has much to say regarding my situation I'm still going to write it out here if that's okay, just to vent. Sorry for the long post.

My boyfriend of 6 years dumped me shortly before Christmas (citing, among other things, that I had become too dependent on him -- this is not untrue as I don't have a whole lot of other friends where I am living now and so my boyfriend became pretty much my entire world) and while I think I'm definitely in better shape than I was, I still don't think I'm healing fast enough.

After one month of LC post-breakup (evenly initiated between myself and him), I asked him if there was someone else (which he had denied ever since the BU) and then he finally admitted to me that yes, he had started seeing someone else. And apparently he had been seeing her since like, 2 weeks or so after breaking up with me. But gave me the "let's still be friends" speech. Finally at this point I broke down and told him sorry, I can't be friends now and we can't be in contact, but maybe sometime we can be friends again. He said it hurt that I couldn't be friends but he understood where I was coming from, and that he would always be there for me and stuff if I wanted to talk, and he hoped it didn't take too long for me to start communicating with him again because he really wanted to remain friends.

So that was almost two months ago now. I haven't heard from him since, and he hasn't heard from me. Honestly when he first admitted to me that he was seeing someone else, after the initial devastation of this I almost felt like it was a good thing. I thought that him jumping into something so soon after ending things with me would soon blow up in his face dramatically, and then he would come crawling back. Coupled with me going No Contact, which would drive him crazy wondering about me.

Well, here we are two months later, and I don't even have a single solitary bread crumb from him. It doesn't feel good. I know I've been thinking about him too much as opposed to using NC for its true purpose, to get over him. But I can't stop wondering... does he EVER think about me? Is this really that easy for him? After 6 years of us being in near constant contact, now there's just nothing and he is perfectly okay with that? Even if he emotionally checked out of the relationship awhile before actually pulling the plug, I would think it would still be weird for him once I cut all contact. Does he ever wonder what the girl who was too dependent on him is even doing now that she never talks to him? I would think if nothing else, he would want to know out of sheer curiosity. Is he surprised that I've made it this long without reaching out to him, or does he just not even think about it?

I am sure as hell curious about how he is doing. I find myself wondering about his new relationship and how that's going. I actually know nothing at all about his new girlfriend -- not her name, what she looks like, her job, or anything. In some ways I wish I did, because I am curious about this girl who apparently he decided was worth throwing six years away for. I wonder, have they had an argument yet? Is there any area where she falls short and he misses me? Or is everything about her just absolutely perfect and every day he is happier and happier with her? Is this relationship that he jumped into after breaking up with me really the one that's going to stick for him for the rest of his life?

I know I am thinking about him way too much, but I can't help it. I can't just erase him from my thoughts, as much as I'd like to. These past few weeks I've been throwing myself into new activities and trying to just get out of my apartment and do stuff, but it's not really helping as much as I'd like because everywhere I go I notice happy couples and think to myself, this would be a lot more fun if HE was here. And I am not sleeping well at all -- I always slept much better when I shared the bed with him. I try to think to myself, what do I even have to look forward to if I can't have him back? A future where I'm happy with someone else? It's such a bizarre concept to me. I'm not at all interested in dating anyone else at this point. It's too weird. I wonder if I'll ever be ready.

I don't know if anybody here has any suggestions for how to stop thinking about him so much.... I'm trying to keep myself busy, but I still think about him all the time. Sometimes I debate breaking NC and just asking how he's doing, but at the same time I don't want to do that because I feel like that will just give all the power back to him, and I don't know how I would handle it if he has gotten to the point where he's moved on so much that he's totally cold and distant with me or doesn't reply at all. But if I never contact him, and he never contacts me, then I guess we'll never talk again. Which is something that is hard for me to digest.

Wow, so sorry. I don't know if this helps. But I once read a book about getting over someone. They suggested that you start thinking about that person romantically. You are getting physical with that person. You are getting very involved and feeling very sexual. THEN. imagine that person covered in vomit and feces. I know that his sounds really extreme, but it helped me get over a sexual/physical addiction to someone I once craved for. Good Luck!

Vomit and feces ... that's a new one! I'll have to remember that.

I've been in your position as well, wondering if my ex thought of me, how could he just move on and get over it so quickly, imagined the women he was with, blah, blah, blah.

What I realised with the benefit of hindsight and a whole lot of obsessive thinking, is that some people move on very quickly. In my experience this is often guys, because largely they don't like to dwell on things and ruminate - they prefer to move onto a new activity - i.e. a new relationship. Clearly not all guys do this - you only have to read what some guys are saying on this forum to realise this. And clearly some women move on quickly too!

So, sadly these people that move on quickly are generally NOT thinking of us. Yes, that's hard. They are in 'new relationship energy' and their minds and bodies have moved on. Their rebound relationship provides the distraction they need to move on. So hence no 'crumbs' for the previous relationship.

In order to stop thinking about him, you need to stop the thoughts. In order to stop the thoughts you need to be aware of them. So, observe the repetitive thoughts and when they start - tell yourself 'I don't need to think about this anymore'.

Distract yourself - so start another activity, move rooms, make yourself physically think about something else. People often use this technique with children when they are moody, badly behaved, whatever. Think of your mind like a child that you need to distract.

I've been where you are and I realised that one of the reasons I kept thinking the thoughts was because unconsciously I wanted to feel the pain again, the injustice of being dumped, etc, etc.

Having said all that, it's really only been 3 months. The pain is still fresh and the grief has to work its way though your emotions, your intellect and your spirit. It does take time and you're probably expecting to heal far more quickly than you actually will. Accept that you're feeling awful and that these thoughts will be there for a while longer Accepting the pain really helps. It's OK to feel awful after 6 years and a break up.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Stick to NC regardless of those thoughts.

These past few weeks I've been throwing myself into new activities and trying to just get out of my apartment and do stuff, but it's not really helping as much as I'd like because everywhere I go I notice happy couples and think to myself, this would be a lot more fun if HE was here. And I am not sleeping well at all -- I always slept much better when I shared the bed with him. I try to think to myself, what do I even have to look forward to if I can't have him back? A future where I'm happy with someone else? It's such a bizarre concept to me. I'm not at all interested in dating anyone else at this point. It's too weird. I wonder if I'll ever be ready.

Yes he thinks of you. No he won't forget you. You'll probably talk again. She's just a person like anyone else, the relationship may or may not stick. Someday it won't matter to you. Yes it's all a very bizarre concept to you right now. This is all very normal and a part of the process. It doesn't mean anything other than you are going through normal emotions and feelings as you grow from this. It will feel bizarre for a while, but keep doing what you're doing. You'll get yourself back and eventually you'll be happy and having fun in new adventures with new and wonderful friends. You will enjoy dating again. You will be happy with someone else. It really hasn't been long at all. You're doing well. Keep it up. It will all be OK someday.

im in a very similar spot. my ex ended our relationship of 7 years 6 months ago. i can totally relate to the obsessive thinking which im not surprised about partly because the breakup came out of absolutely nowhere for me, i have pretty bad OCD, and i tend to be a major control freak. my ex didnt want to "stay friends" but he wanted to "leave the lines of communication open" and have an "open and honest dialogue" so that we could possibly reconcile in the future after he's "explored". well, the first 4 months were lc. then i found out he was seeing someone and went strict NC for 2 months. curiosity killed me and i reached out. i come to find out he's still seeing this girl, getting more serious with her. i was crushed. he also told me in the same conversation how he misses me and is very sad about our breakup and makes an effort to deliberately not think of me and that he needs to give this relationship he's in a fair chance because the whole point of our breakup was to "explore" other relationships and he's happy right now even though theres things about our relationship he misses and he's sad when he thinks about me and he still doesnt know "what the future holds for us".

to be honest, it made me feel worse after having this conversation. he continues to give me false hope and no closure while dating someone else. he even cried while we were talking. to answer your questions, im sure your ex thinks about you, but not to the extent you think about him. my ex is on my mind 24/7 and my ex told me he can go entire days without thinking about me. after 6 years, im sure he is comparing his new relationship to yours. i think he is probably enjoying the novelty and newness of the relationship and getting to know someone else (thats what my ex told me), but who knows if it will last or not. i do believe you will talk again at some point in your lives but nc is the best for now. I've blocked my ex absolutely everywhere as im furious now. i wasn't mad before - just sad, but now im so angry. im not sure if that makes it better or worse.

im also 6 months out and it does get easier. to be totally honest, everyday is still a big struggle for me. i miss him all day everyday but it has gotten easier. i can go periods of time without thinking about him or talking about him now and am slowly starting to feel like I've gotten back into my groove a little. i was shaken up by speaking with him last week but it didnt destroy me like it would have a few months back. sadly, it just takes time. try to be distracted, try to be kind to yourself, and kind of accept it will suck for a while but everything happens for a reason. sorry youre going through this i really can sympathize.

Thanks for these responses. I recently got out of a 1 1/2 relationship. I'm the one who ended things, but I've also been having trouble getting him out of my head. He started dating someone else a few weeks after we broke up. I've had the exact same thoughts. Does he think of me? Does he wonder what I'm up to?

I've also been on the other end - so called "rebound" relationship. I started dating my current ex about 2 months after a breakup. It definitely masked the pain of my breakup. It made it easier to get through the days because I had someone new. It was exciting! So I think your ex does still think of you - who wouldn't after 6 years? However, I do not think it's 24/7 - he is getting to know someone new.. which probably takes up his time and thoughts.

As to stop thinking of him.. I'm having the same problem. I think it helps to stay distracted. Don't dwell on the past (I've been doing this). Just keep living each day and put a smile on your face. Fake it till you make it! Try and find new interests, join meetup groups. Do whatever it takes to help your mind wander elsewhere. Also, when you do think of him - try to realize this and consciously stop. I'm working on all these myself.

Hang in there - healing takes time. It might seem like time is moving at the slowest pace, but each day gets a little better!