2 Months later and How I'm Doing

So it's been around 2 months (I guess) since my ex ended our relationship of 4 years to "try new things".

I feel I've been doing just ok. I cry at least a few times a week. I fantasize about her a little less now. I actually told people it's over (a huge step for me in the acceptance of it all). Although, I'm still in love with her and would probably take her back in a heartbeat, I think I respect her less for leaving and it is kind of killing the attraction, sadly souring the memories too.

She messaged me today to finally come and collect her stuff (there is lots of it). I was at work and I must say it hurt. My subconscious was secretley hoping that she was avoiding picking it up because she was leaving the doors open - maybe reconsidering things... The panic set in when I got the msg, I started planning what to say, what to show her, to get our cat ready to look cute, our fish tank looking amazing, how to look (i.e. hit her with the life she must be missing)... then I realised why does it matter, there is no need for her to come into the place we once shared for 2 years. It's not her place anymore, she abandoned all those things, they are not our things anymore, it is not our bedroom, our cat. They are my things, no need to worry how any of it looks. She abandoned all of it and tossed it in the bin. I've barely been able to pat the cat because I hear her voice or he reminds me how much she loved him and me. I kind of take my anger out on the cat. I get mad at him for her not wanting either of us. "If you didn't meow so much she would have stayed!" (weird, I know).

So on Friday night she will be coming to collect. She did say Saturday day, but in a way I'd rather just get it done with. Give myself more than one day to recover before work on Monday and also avoid worrying about it for an extra day.

All the online advice says to make it quick. So I will, things at the door. No need for sentimental comments or grand departure. She crapped all over that. But I want her to walk inside so I can replace the old her with the new her. Is that odd? My memories in the rooms only have a loving girlfriend in them who haunts me. I want the new cold one to replace her and exorcise the old loving ghost.

Will I regret making the transaction so quickly? Will my denial about the breakup benefit by seeing and hearing that shes moved on? I'm scared if I quickly give her her things that I may wonder later in life if something could have happened (by just spending a little time together) that brought her feelings back.

just hand her her stuff and then close the door. There's no need for polite conversation. Just let her go!

You can drive yourself crazy with what-ifs and you will do so regardless of what happens. Personally, I think handing her stuff at the door and not lingering is the best case scenario. If she wants more she'll ask to come in, then if she doesn't you can say to yourself, "Whew, thank heavens I didn't do something to make that more awkward." And you'll get a look at the new her anyways. Nothing like seeing an ex depart with their stuff to form a picture of "Yep, they are gone for good. They just left and took their crap with them."

And please re-home the cat if she's not going to take it and you aren't going to love it and treat it right. It's not kitty's fault your ex is an ex and the animal is bewildered that one human is gone and the other one hostile to it. It's meowing is probably it asking you what it's done wrong. Take the cat to a no-kill shelter or give it to a friend who wants a cat and let that part of her go as well. Someone else will likely want the cat and give it a good home.

Anyways this is where you're going to have to let logic rule over illogical emotions. You already know she doesn't want to get back together with you, because she would have asked if that were the case. She's probably dreading the whole thing as much as you are. And it sucks. Sorry.

I'll try to make it as quick as possible. I feel like I am preparing for my own execution. It just seems like such a shame that she is leaving.

My friend and my mother said I should tell her how I feel one last time so I wouldn't have any regrets. I don't know what I could say.

She knows how u feel so I wouldn't bother with that. And is it possible to have someone else give her her stuff or have her send a friend? I have found face to face meetings after my split were ultimately gut wrenching. I would avoid it if possible.

Not possible to not see her due to numerous reasons. There is also some quick administrative issues that need to be sorted due to living together. I should add that I just made a separate thread about lingerie I bought her and the issues I'm having with giving back the ones that I picked out for her to wear for me (not the ones she bought herself (she packed those away)....See here for that crazy side issue

I have done the old face to face in the past with a different ex. Yes gut wrenching, but also helped destroy the image of the loving girlfriend. Seeing the cold in their eyes freezes my heart. I'm not looking for closure, I don't want to know about her life, I just want it long enough so that my brain doesn't start to worry later that I didn't give myself an opportunity - i.e. the what if! I had just listened instead of pushing her out the door!

I have done the old face to face in the past with a different ex. Yes gut wrenching, but also helped destroy the image of the loving girlfriend. Seeing the cold in their eyes freezes my heart. I'm not looking for closure, I don't want to know about her life, I just want it long enough so that my brain doesn't start to worry later that I didn't give myself an opportunity - i.e. the what if! I had just listened instead of pushing her out the door!

Yeah, that coldness post-breakup is difficult to take. One of the worst parts of the whole deal, in my opinion.

You're definitely on the right path with getting it over with quickly. And yes, just hand her the stuff and close the door. Also, stop taking it out on the cat. That was hard to read.

If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She is not waiting for you to open a door or some opportunity. Its over man. She is taking her stuff back because she DOES'NT want to be with you. She wan't to move on and she is doing just that. Let her. The best possible way that you can handle this is to be as "indifferent" as you possibly can be. "Hey, here is your stuff. Take care have a good weekend." and that's it.

I went through a similar experience. She lived with me for a year, left me cold after she got her own place, but still had stuff to pick up. I put the stuff she was picking up in the garage (she had to make multiple stops to get it), and the first few times I helped her load her car. 10 minutes max each time. Near the last time she stopped in and we had a nice conversation. However, regardless of how nice I was, how well the house was cleaned, how much I made sure I was kind, there never was a "What if". Her decision was made and she wasn't about to change it, no matter what. I was kind, it didn't work. The last two times she stopped over, I never met her outside, or even spoke to her, and that didn't change her mind. No matter what you do, or how you do it, she's not going to drop her purse, start crying, and come running back into your arms.

Your best bet is to just leave it outside, if she needs help loading it, load it up with kind conversations, but say nothing more than simple hello's and small chat. Your only option now is to get her completely away from you, and dissappear for good to let her know what life is now like without you. It's going to take a long time until she really starts to think about you again in a positive light. It's been about a year since the last pick up from my ex and I haven't heard a single word from her, she hasn't attempted to re-friend me, and there is absolutely no indication I'll ever hear from her again. Does she think of me in a positive light? Maybe. Was I ever important enough to her for her to explain and hope I'm not hurt? No. Was she ever in love with me to the point she can't live without me? Nope. So even though I wanted her back more than anything I ever wanted, should I be with her? Absolutely not.

Get yourself active with something. Find ways to begin thought processes of something other than her. DO NOT attempt to stay in touch, and DO NOT look her up on-line. Each day you will want her back a little less. Each month you will think of her less often. Each year you will realize she walked away from you, and you have more important things to do than keep someone in your life who is willing to walk away. Start that journey now. Good luck.

Thanks all! Wish me luck. Oh, and please do not worry about the cat. Perhaps I should of put in some sarcasm markers. I don't physically hurt the cat or yell at him, although he probably makes me sad sometimes. He is my best friend and is cuddled into me right now.