HELP 2 year relationship to garbage?

Hi all!

I have serious doubt about where I am in my relationship.

Here is the summary

We have been together for 2 years. We have been sleeping EVERY NIGHT, for the past 16 months. I go to my house every change of season just to pick up new season clothes, meaning every 3 months or so. I have 70% of my stuff in his apartment.

He is 35 years, so, in pretty much age to decide whom to spend his life with.

Despite this, and despite sleeping every night, he is not sure about moving in together. It makes me feel so insecure in his arms, why would you sleep every night with someone for 16 months, but be uncertain if moving together, but still want to continue in the relationship.

Its new york, we both would benefit from the rent being lower and our lives would be so much easier. However, like an old player and frat boy, he is a commitment phobe.

He is the most wonderful person to me, 100% supportive, kind, generous, great lover etc etc, and we have a very mature relationship with great communication and almost zero fights.

However, it terrifies me he has no balls to jump into this.

How would you feel with all this situation?

Ps: he wants to head to a new country in about a year, I am foreigner and I am making papers to stay in the u.s. I have told him I could also make arrangements to go to he country he wants to go. He is not very sure wheter he wants to take me there......... But still wants to be with me and doesnt want to break up.

Ps 2: My visa expires in 8 months and I have to return to my country of origin, and he has no intention whatsoever in helping me out with this. Im not greatly affected by this, Im too romantic to marry just for a visa, but still It does hurt that he doesnt care I leave. (I wouls still go back 8 months after my visa expires with another visa)

After writting all this I realize how nonsense is my relationship, still.... Its really hard to break up when you get along so well. We have tried previously but then 2 weeks pass by and we miss each other to death and just want to go back together. We both feel we love each other so much , we have talked about this million times, and he says that he want to keep trying and doesnt want to break up... his commitment phoby will just ruin us in the end.

Any thoughts?

Sleeping together every night is not a precursor for moving in together.

Age is not a precursor for moving in together.

Living together is far different from "playing sleep over" and one party having their own place.

He doesn't want a future with you. He is happy with the present. Hence is desire to travel to a new country and his "unsure" if he wants to take you there.

Also, hence his "not helping you with your visa".

BTW, he really, really isn't going to marry you to take care of your visa issue.

What he says (he loves you)---- and what he is planning on doing (either leaving or allowing you to leave) --- are not even in the same book.

from the outside looking in it does seem apparent that he has no intention of taking this any further. the fact that he has no concern about your visa expiring should tell you all you need to know. he's got a good enough arrangement for the time being - sex, companionship...maybe you cook and help tidy up his place too? he's made travel plans and told you he doesn't want you to go? he is telling you everything you need to know to make a decision for your own emotional health. don't make excuses for him any longer - it is not about him not having "the balls" to jump in, he is simply choosing not to. i hope you can find the strength to walk away.