Long term gf left

I'm 28 and have never been in love like this. I was sure we would get married. She moved multiple states away for a temporary professional opportunity six months into our relationship. We made sure to drive see each other every weekend. It was very stressful on both of us. We would only ever get into minor fights with one exception. She had been unhappy lately but I thought it was due to the upcoming uncertainty in her life, as that opportunity is coming to an end. The last words she said to me before she traveled the next morning was how much she loved me and went to bed happy. The next morning she grabbed all of her stuff and left. We had talked marriage and future a lot and though we didn't see eye to eye on everything I believed, and I thought she believed, that we could work it all out together. I wanted to stay closer to where I grew up and she wanted to be able to go anywhere for work. Short of that, we both agreed on kids, we are both Christian and we love each other.

Once she left, I waited a few days and sent her a text (because she hates phone calls) and asked what happened and told her I had no idea what went wrong And that I would love to go to counseling and work on our relationship. She thought about it all night and agreed. The next morning she said she didn't know what she wanted and she couldn't go through the pain of leaving again. After that I asked her to reconsider and she told me she was blocking me from everything in order to move forward.

I know I'm supposed to move on but it's been weeks and the worst part is that I don't want to give our future and our life together up. What other things can be said except to move on and it will get better, especially when I don't want to let go of the future? All my friends and family tell me it was her immaturity and she panicked but I can't accept that.

What do you do, how do you cope? Is there any knowledge anyone has other than the tens or hundreds get your ex back or move on articles? I have to want to move on but as much as I can try, I keep wanting our planned future.

She might have seemed like a good catch, but if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, then she really isn't a good choice for long term partner. 6 months is a really short time to be in a relationship with someone, if she has cold feet this early on she really must not be feeling it.

Reinvest in yourself. Schedule catch ups with your friends, call your mum/dad, take up a new hobby, try and upskill in something, you're wasting your energy here stuck on your visions of what life with her could have been like, If she felt the same. That's all one sided though, get back into the good parts of your reality

I'm sorry. I meant that after six months, she left the state. We drove hours each weekend for almost two years to see each other. If it was six months, it would have sucked but it got really serious when we started making those sacrafices for esch other.

I get what you're saying but when your vision is one sided there's not much you can do but let it go if you want to move forward with your life. You feel one way, she feels another. She has the right to cut ties if she feels it's not working for her. I think it's unfair to call her immature for that. I'm sorry you are hurting but healing will start with acceptance of the situation. I've been in your shoes and know by experience that hanging on to your own vision for a future with someone who has chosen to go will only serve to keep you stuck. Sorry for your pain.

Doesn't mean you're a bad person, I'm sure it was not an easy thing for her to do. Somewhere along the way she decided this relationship wasn't for her. She was mature enough to not go on with the charade of pretending all was well. She wants to do different things with her life career wise- that's a pretty big deal and may have been a factor in her choice as well. She wants freedom to move about the country/world while you want to stay closer to home. That would have been a problem as one of you would have been unhappy eventually. She wants to find a partner that shares her vision and free you to meet someone who feels the same as you do. In the long run that outcome would be best for both of you.

By the way, it's only been a few weeks out of a 2 plus year relationship...this will take time to process and will hurt for awhile. What you are feeling is totally normal.

What everyone is saying is definitely very true. I like their ideas to help you move forward. Like 1a1a said reinvent yourself and find things to occupy your time. The only thing i would add is that even though you may agree on some key issues where you live is probably one of the biggest ones as well. Sadly, I think you have to have 3 main things at least somewhat in line to make it work 1) Religion 2) Children 3) Where to live/work.

It's just hard to let go because we had talked about that future many times and most of the time she was really very happy about it and sometimes she was unsure of what she wanted. She is still unsure and last time she talked to me when she said she couldn't hurt me or her anymore she said the same thing, where she just doesn't know. Since we stayed together every weekend I look around my place and all I see is her. Almost all of the activities I'm interested in, we did together all the time. Im afraid I'll never let it go but I'm also afraid I will and this will become reality and that just doesn't feel okay. Maybe that makes sense or maybe it sounds crazy.

She sounds very immature. Mature people don't bail on a two-plus year relationship because they don't know what they want from it. To me that is crazy.

HER : It doesn't matter... People change, and act in the most bizarre ways. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't , sometimes their reasoning only make sense to them. Point being, if you keep waiting, trying to understand why she did this or that.. you'll keep banging your head against the wall. The sooner you accept that people will do the most odd things and align your expectations, the better and happier you'll be.

YOU : You should create a profile on Tinder, hit the gym, meet up with your homies and **** a bunch of girls. The sooner you realize that life is too short to be wasting on someone who left you, you'll make smarter choices.

Your post reminded me of

She sounds very immature. Mature people don't bail on a two-plus year relationship because they don't know what they want from it. To me that is crazy.

I left a two-year relationship some years ago. Leaving a relationship isn't a sign of lack of maturity. It's a sign that the person doesn't want to be in the relationship.

OP - how old are you both?

I'm 28 and she's 23

I left a two-year relationship some years ago. Leaving a relationship isn't a sign of lack of maturity. It's a sign that the person doesn't want to be in the relationship.

 

OP - how old are you both?

Why did you leave a two year relationship?

I think we've talked about this in another thread. There has to be a pretty damn good reason to leave a relationship after two years with a reason other than "I just don't feel it anymore". Mature people understand that the feelings of unicorns and butterflies go away after a while. If they cheated or became abusive, that's another thing.

Why did you leave a two year relationship?

 

I think we've talked about this in another thread. There has to be a pretty damn good reason to leave a relationship after two years with a reason other than "I just don't feel it anymore". Mature people understand that the feelings of unicorns and butterflies go away after a while. If they cheated or became abusive, that's another thing.

It's not so black and white: either leave because of abuse/cheating or you are leaving because the honeymoon is over.

I'm 28 and she's 23

Had she just graduated college? Was this her first time living alone?

It's not so black and white: either leave because of abuse/cheating or you are leaving because the honeymoon is over.

If someone leaves because the honeymoon is over is a good indication they were in the relationship for the thrills and nothing really long term and lasting like a marriage.

Yeah, she was living alone (with a roommate she wasn't close to) doing work in another state. We alternated weekends driving hours to see each other. She had no friends out there and I had neglected most of my friendships just to make each other the biggest part of our lives.

If someone leaves because the honeymoon is over is a good indication they were in the relationship for the thrills and nothing really long term and lasting like a marriage.

OR maybe they examined the relationship and differing goals/values and decided it wasn't what they want in the long term? It really isn't about staying with someone forever "just because"...even as a dumpee I get that and don't go straight to calling someone immature. its kind of bitter sounding to label someone as such just because they broke up for reasons other than abuse/cheating. Yes sometimes people are immature but it's not the default just because the breakup doesn't fall into the abuse category. There are plenty of other reasons to end a relationship, such as in this case opposing desires for the future. It's really not as simple as you make it seem...but of course that is your opinion. As you get older maybe you will be able to view it a little differently.

To the op I'm sorry but that is a big deal - not being able to agree on where to live. She could very well be confused because she does love you but doesn't want to give up her dreams at the same time in order to please you. I think it's wise to take a step back and figure out which direction she wants to go. Otherwise years down the line she could end up resenting you for holding her back. You just never know but at the end of the day we can only speculate why she chose to end it.

Actually, I'm old enough to understand the differences between being mature and immature in a relationship. If it takes someone two years to figure out what their goals and values are then they were immature about those details when they first got into that relationship. This is pretty straight forward to me. Just because it may comes accross as bitter doesn't mean it's not true.

^^Uhh...well alrighty then!

Op, I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for the kind words. But how do you make yourself want to move on? I can't let go but I dont want to envision a future without her. I know I'm acting like a girl about this and I'm sorry. It's just driving me crazy.

IShe moved multiple states away for a temporary professional opportunity six months into our relationship. We made sure to drive see each other every weekend. It was very stressful on both of us.

 

She had been unhappy lately ...

 

... we didn't see eye to eye on everything I believed ...

 

I wanted to stay closer to where I grew up and she wanted to be able to go anywhere for work.

Yeah, she was living alone (with a roommate she wasn't close to) doing work in another state. We alternated weekends driving hours to see each other. She had no friends out there and I had neglected most of my friendships just to make each other the biggest part of our lives.

I think you two might have been incompatible (in her mind) regarding life goals. Between her moving for work, the stress it caused your relationship, the fact you two were way too focused on each other and not outside interests, and the differing views on living situation, I think there were clear red flags for a while.

Thanks for the kind words. But how do you make yourself want to move on? I can't let go but I dont want to envision a future without her. I know I'm acting like a girl about this and I'm sorry. It's just driving me crazy.

Your feelings are normal so don't beat yourself up for it! In my experience, I was able to start moving on when I convinced myself that my exgf has moved on and isn't coming back. Are you still holding on to hope?

I don't know if it hope or denial but the only time I can remotely function is when I can convince myself it's not real or that there's something I can say or do to fix it. My brother was able to get me to the gym today and the only thing I could think of to keep it together was what I could say to her in a week or a month or something that would make it better.

And I knew those red flags were less than ideal, but we had made it so far, she was supposed to be moving much closer in April and I thought the majority of those issues would resolve when that pressure was lifted and we would work thru the rest together.

There has to be a pretty damn good reason to leave a relationship after two years with a reason other than "I just don't feel it anymore".

Actually there doesn't. Not everyone has an answer for why they aren't feeling "it" anymore. People's feelings just change and some relationships aren't built to last, no matter how wonderfully they start out. If someone doesn't feel enough to stay in a relationship then there is nothing they can say other than they just aren't feeling the same anymore.